Joe Godsy Division
Parkview Scorpions 11 1 .917 196 82
McCarren Hotel Titans 7 5 .583 135 112
St. Anselm 6 5 .545 131 95
Turkey's Nest AT 4 8 .333 106 116
Parkview Suzies 10 1 .909 111 81
The Bedford Yetis 6 6 .500 119 173
Pete's Candy Store 5 7 .417 129 132
Turkey's Nest 1 11 .083 57 168
Joe Fashion Division
Gibson 9 3 .750 151 97
Roebling Sports Club 7 5 .583 145 116
Clems 5 6 .455 110 110
The Gutter 86ers 1 10 .091 75 179
Kilo Bravo 8 3 .727 133 76
Echo Bravo 8 3 .727 137 75
Loggers 4 8 .333 107 127
Carmine's Bombers 1 11 .083 82 185


Week 13 - Jul 10
11:00 Carmine's Bombers @ St. Anselm 1
Echo Bravo @ Parkview Scorpions 2
1:00 Turkey's Nest AT @ Kilo Bravo 1
Loggers @ McCarren Hotel Titans 2
3:00 The Gutter 86ers @ Turkey's Nest 1
Gibson @ Parkview Suzies 2
5:00 Clems @ Pete's Candy Store 1
Roebling Sports Club @ The Bedford Yetis 2

Last Week's Results

Week 12 - Jun 26
The Bedford Yetis19 @ The Gutter 86ers 13
Pete's Candy Store16 @ Roebling Sports Club 6
Turkey's Nest9 @ Gibson 10
Parkview Scorpions21 @ Carmine's Bombers 5
McCarren Hotel Titans10 @ Echo Bravo 11
Kilo Bravo15 @ St. Anselm 14
Parkview Suzies14 @ Clems 13
Turkey's Nest AT4 @ Loggers 9

Week 10 RECAP

Mon, Jun 20, 2016


Field #1: AT All Stars @ Spike Hill

(AT 12 / Spike 21)


Field #2: Black Betty @ R Bar

Betty jumped out to an early lead against an R Bar team that was missing some key players. Betty lead 7-0 after the top of the first but R Bar came storming back to close the lead to 7-5. R Bar brought in Bubbs to start pitching in the second but that moved weakened an already light defense due to them missing some key players. Black Betty tacked on runs through out the game and their defense didn’t let up more than one run an inning for the rest of the game.

(Betty 24 / R Bar 8 )



Field #1: Black Betty @ Spike Hill

Grab your grandma’s blonde wig and start the macaroni because this game was a Drambuie-swaggler!  Betty. Hill. Betty Hill. What? Who  in the hell is Betty Hill? What the shit is going on here? Why are my pants off? How come Belz just ran out my door with seven pair of socks and my favorite Nickelback CD, shouting, “START THE CAR, BABE!”? God, I hate Betty Hill. I think she stole my socks and my Nickelback CD. I’ll get Belz to investigate; he’s good people. I smell toast.

According to the latest edition of Sweet Lou’s Rankings o’ Power, brought to you by Turkey’s Nest Brand Portable Beverages, The American Styrofoam Council and Williamsburg local hero, Brian “Bry” Buhcop, this high noonish matchup paired the numbers 1 and 3 teams in the league against one another, in a battle of dirty goddamn liars. That’s right, AK and McNelis, I said it. Liars, the both of ya! “Black” Betty, you say? HORSE HOCKEY! The Betty wears yellow, meow. Cat Game busted! And as for Spike Hill … THERE IS NO SPIKE HILL, YOU WALKING DICKHOLES! You freakin’ people are reping a bar that doesn’t exist, like true love or the female orgasm … IT’S A MYTH! Wake up and buy her something nice because anyone who says a woman can pleased in bed is either lying or Holland Cowger (H understands foreplay and apparently knows how to arouse whatever the female equivalent of a penis is … a she-penis? A Shenis. Yes, I’m sure that’s the scientific term. Well done, H, you shenis-hound).

Anywho, with the undefeated Betties coming into this contest without having lost all season, and, perhaps even more impressively, having won every game they’ve played, and the Hillians, coming off their first loss of the season to the Nest two weekends prior, Spike Hill would play the unfamiliar role of overcat … scratch that, reverse it.

With both squads coming off wins in the antemeridian legs of their day/day double-headers, neither team looked to skip a beat in this rivalry game. Betty wasted no time making their presence felt, as  Kevin “Nice Shot, Babe! … Thanks Babe! I love you Babe! … I love you too Babe! I’ll see you when you get back to the bench, Babe! … Ok Babe, I’ll be here. I LOVE YOU BABE! … I LOVE YOU TOO, BABE!” Belz (3-4, 2R) delivered a classic KBLSTRCTDRIFOMF (Kevin Belz Leadoff Single To Right Center That Dropped Right In Front Of My Feet), followed by Pat “Blueberry” LeCompote, dropping a bomb over Dubin’s jewhead in deeeeeep right center field, putting the Scorpions up 2-0 after 1 inning of spirited bar-on-bar crime. The Hillians would get on the board in the 2nd, when Salacious Steve Mina drove in This Sexy-Ass Writer from 3rd, cutting the Black lead in half (Note to self: half of 2 is 1).

The Hillians would take a one-run lead in the 4th, and would add to it in the 5th, on an RBI single by Chris “Soft, Sexy Kiss” Irish (3-4, RBI, 2R), scoring Kevin “Chloroform First Date” Kane (2-4, 2B, R). On the mound, Kane settled in after the 1st, holding the Betties scoreless over the next four innings, until, in the top of the 6th, when Helz Belz roped another single through the right side, and was eventually driven in by 2014 “Accidental” Subway Butt Grab Champion, Dave “My Client Pleads Not Guilty By Reason of Awesomeness” Pretto.

The Hillians would answer back, however, in the bottom of the frame, putting up four runs on  hits by Phil “I Fart In The General Direction of Your Lefty Shift” Michael (4-4, 2 2B, 2 RBI, 3R), Mike “PSYCH … you owe me a Coke” Powell (1-4, R), Alex “I Can’t Play on Field 2 Because My Parole Officer Says It’s Too Close to a School” Dubin (3-3, 2B, 3B, 3 RBI, 3R), Steve “Hoop Earrings Are MY THING” Mina (2-4, 2 RBI, R), and Sam “I Still Go To Z100’s Jingle Ball Every Year” Warden (I have no idea what Sam’s line was because of the girl sub thing that I can’t follow in the book, so let’s just assume that Sam had 7 hits and stopped the “cold water, Gatorade, watermelon” guy from committing a B felony). By the way, if he really did steal someone’s phone, I call for a league-wide boycott of his services. “NO WATER! HATORADE! WATER-FELON!”  But I digress.

With the Hillians rolling, many, if not, most teams might just pack it in but the Bettys are not most teams. When you punch Black Betty in the mouth, they just smile, spit out a tooth and get ready to punch you back because as Mary Kate and Ashley King-Camarra can tell you, violence is like duct tape: it fixes everything. And so it was, as Jake “The Unnecessary Saw” Levine (2-4, HR, RBI, R) led off the top of the 7th with a MISSILE over the head of … everything, followed by a single off the bat of lead WSL umpire and my personal hero, Lee O’Tero (2-4, R) and a classic Andrew “Thrillian” Killian (2-4, 2B, HR, 2 RBI, R) home run that was so goddamn majestic, that Spike Hill’s right side of the outfield removed their caps and saluted as the ball sailed over their heads and into the distant distance off in the distance. Despite this furious comeback effort from the Bettys, Spike Hill would tack on four more runs in the 7th and 8th to hold off the defending Conference champs, handing the mighty Blacks their first loss of the season.

Defensive Notes: Steve “No One in The World Actually Needs a Shooting Sleeve to Play Basketball” Mina made a late-game, game-saving play in the hole, that totally saved the game late in the game and Mike “Why Are You Still Surprised When I Blow Your Mindhole?” Powell made maybe the greatest catch in the history of mankind, robbing Julio “Your Name is Gonna Be Julio Gulio?!” Soriano of a monster home run, whilst reaching OVER the fence of the first base dugout on field 2, whilst there was a play on in the other game. WHILST WHATST?!

The Bettys will look to rebound next week when they face the Pinks, while Spike Hill will play another double header, facing the Loggers and the red-hot Gutter (Note: Red Hot Gutter would be an AMAZING name for a porno shot on Skid Row). Also, the new X-Men movie is overrated and 30 minutes too long. There. I said it.

(Betty  6 / Spike 12)


Field #2: R Bar @ Three Kings

(Betty 18/ R Bar 19 )



Field #1: Kilo Bravo @ Gutter 86ers

(Kilo 7 / 86ers 25)


Field #2: Turkey’s Nest @ Clemerica (Nat the Bat)

There has always been a very special bond between the Turkey’s Nest (a.k.a. good ol’ boys of summer) and Clemerica.  Sweet Face Mitchell and Brooding Stryker made headlines last summer with their hot and heavy bromance, but to everyone’s surprise, Stryker didn’t stand a chance against the lovely Maria Maria!  This Sunday, tensions were high between these estranged lovers, and there were even talks of a duel ensuing on the battlefield of McCarren Park. The weapon of choice? A Shotgun (beer, duh!).  These adversaries threatened beer chugging prior to each of their at bats, but once Mitchell batted those eyelashes, and those pretty brown eyes glimmered in the afternoon sunlight, Stryker was left defenseless.  No duel ensued, much to the disappointment of the crowd, but Stryker adjusted his cup, and took the mound to defend his virtue, and lead Clemerica into victory.

Battleship took the field first, and second in command, Stryker, in true diva form, pulled a Beyonce and had about 4 costume changes throughout the game: opening up with the traditional baby blue Turkey’s Nest jersey (which I’m sure confused some onlookers), followed by the limited edition Cinco de Mayo cherry red “Los Turkeys” jersey, and then finally closed the game in his old school, suns out, guns out, cut off Clemerica jersey. Karl France took the mound for the Nest, but his sneaky pitches were not enough to keep the Clemericans at bay.

Nest was first to strike scoring one in the top of the first, but the ship answered back with one of their own.  Top of the second the Turkeys put up 2 runs, but Clemerica felt a little pep in their step and felt like crushing, batting around the lineup and putting up 9 runs in the bottom of the inning which ended up being the kiss of death for the Turks.  The Battleship was able to tack on a few more runs in the later innings, but played lights out defense, only giving up 1 run after the 2nd inning.  Leading the hitting barrage was Mulligan, going 4 for 4, with a sac fly, with 1 HR short of the cycle!  Markow was next in line going 3 for 4 with a handful of RBIs.  Miss Sassafras Katie French showed great patience and determination at the plate, getting on base 3 out of 4 appearances, drawing 2 walks and a hit, and scoring 3 runs!  As for the battleship defense, Nat the Bat made her first appearance off of the DL and took her place at 1B, with Mully looking mighty comfortable at 3B alongside Markow at SS, with Bobert Sunshine Maxwell leading the charge in the outfield.  The battleship played that Hard D per usual, and will continue to hold bragging rights on having the second fewest runs against in the league, holding the big Nest hitters to only 4 runs on the day.

Now for the play of the game brought to you courtesy of Burt Reynolds, Jr, Mitchell Sparkles:  Markow started off the bottom of the 4th inning with a line drive single, with Breezy on deck.  Good ol’ Captain Breezerino laced one up the middle, but Mitchell channeled his inner MJ and got quite a bit of air to rob Breeze of what was sure to be a gapper.  Markow was stopped dead in his tracks, and his quick legs didn’t stand a match against Mitchy’s rifle.  Shots fired.  But we know how this story ends.  Stryker hung onto his virtue, and delivered the W for his shipmates.

Special shout outs to my favorite Turkey’s Nester (no, it’s not Mitchell, despite what this recap may suggest) Big Dan Shafer, who’s smile and theatrics brighten all of our days! Don’t worry Karl, you’re up there, too! J

(Nest 4 / Clems 14 )



Field #1: SoftSpot Specials @ St. Anselm (Grambo)

Neither St. Anslem’s or The Soft Spot Runaways had doubleheaders this past Sunday, but they might as well have.  This epic eleven inning battle was a rematch of the week one barn burner that saw St. A’s walk away with a three run win. This game would somehow be even closer…

The game went back and forth–mostly to St. Anslem’s advantage–it was a classic hitter’s league softball game–every single person on St. A’s had a hit and an RBI or run. while the Runaway’s first six batters each had multiple hits.  But the real action was in the latter part of the game.
In the top of the ninth, the Runaways were down two and there were two out when Dietz and Chad got on for the hot hitting Cesar–who plated them both.  Cees had a helluva a day–5/6 with four RBI.  For that matter, so did Chad–a HR, five hits and three RBI.  The Runaways were able to hold St. A’s in the tenth–three up, three down. In the top of the eleventh it was Jason Dietz who hit a monster HR that plated Ian, who played an amazing game with four hits, a couple doubles and four runs scored. Cesar and Chad combined for another run –all this with two outs–and had the Runaways up three and three outs from a W.
But St. Anslem’s wasn’t having it, unfortunately for us.  Here’s Pete Hoffman‘s play-by-play:
Sarah McKemie had the hit of the game in the 11th. We looked like toast down 3 in the 11th. With Palma on and one out Sarah launched and absolute moonshot over Ian’s head for a double, scoring Palma. Adam Hoffman’s single scored Olin and Sarah to tie the game. Ryan hit a single btw 3rd and SS. Billy Reilly flew out to Ian advancing Adam and Ryan to 2nd and 3rd. Christian Ver Halen was intentionally walked to load the bases. I hit the walk off btw 1st and 2nd…”
So with two outs in the eleventh, Pete Hoffman took advantage of the Runaway’s decision to pitch to him and around the lefty Christian to win the game. Another week, another heartbreaking loss for my Oranges.  But give up to the Boo Cakes–in addition to every single player having one hit–seven of them had at least three.  That’s a dangerous O, folks.
Next week the Runaways get their time in the double header sun with early morning matchups with Three Kings and RSC.  St. A’s gets the nightcap versus the Turkey’s Nest.

(Specials 20 / St. A 21)


Field #2: Loggers @ Clemerica (The Heitcz)

Clems did some recruiting this offseason and added a number of new guys including all around nice guy Danny Mulligan.  After the dust settled, the Loggers found out that John Condon was now an Ex-Clemerican. Following a chance meeting on a street corner, a bearded man, two dudes and a pair of headphones, Condon signed with the Loggers. Clems ended up pretty stacked, but they made a mistake on this one and the Loggers have been reaping the benefits all season. Given that back story, you could expect Condon was coming into this game with designs of, shall we say, revenge.

Clems kicked off the game with a run in the top of the first thanks to a single by Old Craig and a Double by Bobby. The Loggers M.O. this season has been keeping the game within reach and that was the case yet again. After a walk and then singles by Condon and Heitczman the Loggers were up 2-1. Clems’ offense went dormant for the next 3 innings thanks to Condon and the Loggers’ outfield being expertly positioned. The Loggers would add two more runs after a Mark Brenner walk and a Condon 2-run blast. At this point, the Loggers were cruising up 4-1 and I bet you know where this is going. Condon gets his revenge, saves the Girl.  Breezy asks him to rejoin his unit and he gets to deliver a classic 80s line like “No Chance!” roll credits, freeze frame, high five.

Battleship was not ready to concede and Captain BBQ led his men to a 5-run inning leading off with a single. After taking the lead 5-4, they were not finished putting up another 5 spot the next inning on six straight hits including a HR by Bobby. Down 10-4 things did not look good and Lance the Dance was settling in on the mound while Markow was making every play just about everywhere in the infield. The Newest Logger, Alex, got up in the 7th and knocked an opposite field HR in the gap good for 2 more runs. Clems would be shut down the rest of the way, but the Loggers went into the 9th down 4 runs. After two outs to start the inning, Condon would get on base and Heitczman would come around to score on a deep fly to Breezy that turned into an adventure, but Clemerica would shut the door and end all hopes of an 80s ending. Clems saw big days from Breezy 2-3 and Bobby 3-4 with a HR. While Condon held up his end of the deal going 3-4 with a HR and 3 RBIs.

(Loggers 8 / Clems 10 )



Field #1: Turkey’s Teachers @ Gibson

(TNT 7 / Gibson 19)


Field #2: Bedford Yetis @ Roebling Sports Club

For eight weeks, RSC has stated they’re better than their record shows. Way better. Sean, owner of both fine establishments, called the win earlier in the week, citing well researched evidence that RSC were better customers after games. Justin, starting at short for the beloved and sadly injured Ope (did I mention Humphries also hits the ball very far?), confidently stated right before the game that he just knew, this would be Roebling’s week. And two weeks before, Kilo NARROWLY escaped a loss-I know the Pinks are still secretly breathing a sigh of relief they didn’t fall to RSC. We’re coming for ya.

Simply put, RSC finally acted on their chatter and almost wins. Roebling came out victorious with a fantastic complete team effort of a win over the Bedford Yetis.
As the home team, RSC gave up five in the first inning as the top of the Yetis lineup found holes for their line drives. Roebling bounced back and picked up four in the bottom of the inning with five straight hits from the top of the line up, including a homer for Humphries. In the second, RSC strung together three more hits to add three runs to the board. Nina, whom went 2-4 on the day, started the inning and Jake crushed his first of THREE homers on the day. It would have been four if someone, not naming names, (Clems cough cough), had not jinxed it.
In the middle innings, both the Yetis and RSC battled back and forth. By the start of the seventh, Bedford led by a hair with the score 10-9. Before the seventh, RSC’s fearless leader and manager, Mark (who pitched a gem of a game), gave a pep talk that rallied the RSC troops. And if that didn’t get others revved up, Jesse, playing right field, came out and made the play of the weekend with a all out diving catch, landing inches from the pavement. In the sixth, Roeblings charged ahead with four runs including back to back homers from Babkow and Jake. In the seventh, Dave, Jesse, and Clinchy helped add another two runs. Babkow, Jake, Dave, and Jesse all had 3 or more hits.
Final score was 16-12 RSC. Man, it felt great to win…now that we know what it feels like-the rest of ya’ll better watch out! And those power rankings better leave out Roebling wings this time around.

(Yetis 12 / RSC 16)




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