Joe Godsy Division
Parkview Scorpions 7 1 .875 131 61
McCarren Hotel Titans 7 1 .875 110 66
St. Anselm 3 4 .429 76 57
Turkey's Nest AT 2 6 .250 61 82
Parkview Suzies 6 1 .857 71 48
The Bedford Yetis 4 4 .500 73 109
Pete's Candy Store 2 6 .250 81 102
Turkey's Nest 0 8 .000 26 130
Joe Fashion Division
Gibson 6 2 .750 102 60
Roebling Sports Club 6 2 .750 115 73
Clems 4 3 .571 81 67
The Gutter 86ers 1 6 .143 42 103
Kilo Bravo 5 2 .714 84 43
Echo Bravo 5 2 .714 94 52
Loggers 2 6 .250 68 94
Carmine's Bombers 1 7 .125 50 118



Last Week's Results

Week 08 - May 22
Parkview Scorpions16 @ Gibson 13
Loggers10 @ The Bedford Yetis 11
Pete's Candy Store8 @ Echo Bravo 25
Turkey's Nest6 @ Kilo Bravo 29
Carmine's Bombers6 @ Parkview Suzies 16
Turkey's Nest AT11 @ Clems 18
McCarren Hotel Titans14 @ The Gutter 86ers 6
St. Anselm3 @ Roebling Sports Club 4

Week 16- PREVIEW

Fri, Jul 24, 2015

Apparently Sunday is National All or Nothing Day. So you better BRING IT to your respective games.


Field #1: The Bedford @ Turkey’s Nest (Alexander P. Dubin)

Quit crying, those shirts are AWESOME!

The Nest. Just hearing the name makes the Bedford’s collective skin crawl. After knocking the former Spike Hillians out of the playoffs in an epic comeback victory on their way to the 2014 crown, the defending champs are off to a less than auspicious defense of their title but at 7-5, still sit atop the flaming trash heap that is the Fashion South (Aggregate division record: 16-33. Aggregate run differential: -312). Well done, preseason ranking committee.

That being said, no one wants to face the Nest. Even with the loss of shortstop, team designated driver and Rachael Ray fan club President, Jake Backerman, the Nest boasts one of the scariest lineups in the league, led by Mitch “I still owe Phil a wedding painting” Jones, Dan “Amber Alert” Shafer, and team leader, “Long” John Louis (because of his commute from Westchester … and his penis).

As far as the Bedford goes, that playoff exit proved a tipping point. It would be the final appearance in black for both Bobby and Kelly, who jumped ship to join the Clem’s and now wear … shit … Clem’s wear black too. Irregardless, they deserted and they’re both dead to us. Morgan would assume the manager’s role, adding key players, including Sexy Steve Mina, Sexy Anthony Molica and Sexy DJ Dino, and the vanquished Spike Hill would be reborn as the “we need new uniforms next season” Bedford. Can Kevin Kane and Co hold down the champs’ impressive arsenal? Does JL really think he has a better arm than My Pal, Your Pal, Our Pal: Mike Powell? Will the Bedford exercise the demons of Spike Hill Christmas Past or will the Nest cook the Brunchers’ goose? Tune in Sunday: same McCarren time, same McCarren Field 1 we’re on for 85% of our games.

Field #2: 3 Kings @ AT United (Alexander P. Dubin, Esq.)

 The Kings. The United. The Preview. Let’s do this!

This Sunday, it’s on. A battle royale between the two loudest, shit-talkingest teams in the WSL. Nick TomeOSayCanYouSee leads his 11-2 Kings into glorious, ‘Murican, star spangled battle against Gerald’s AT All-Stars (national affiliation unknown but assumed to be Wales). The Kings have been a juggernaut all season long, putting up a league leading 221 runs, while allowing just 107. ATU has been less consistent, with big wins but also more than a few bad losses. However, no one doubts the talent on ATU, led by Lauck and PeteMo, so the Royal Triplets would be well-served to not look passed the Tent-Dwellers.

On Monday, I ran into WSL “it couple” Franchise and Joey Bats at the Shaquille O’Neal Film Festival at Lincoln Center. When asked about their upcoming game with ATU, they told this reporter that they look forward to continuing their dominant stretch by “Beating ATU without mercy until they bleed and die.” Wow.

Upon hearing this quote, Gerald jammed his shoulder into the wall, popping it back into place Mel Gibson style, then looked camera left, off into the distance at nothing in particular and said, “this time, it’s personal.”

Yup. Confusing mid ‘90’s movie trash talk aside, ATU will have to bring its best if they expect to compete with the Kings, who have been on a tear of late and show no signs of slowing.


Field #1: Loggers @ Turkey’s Teachers ()

Shia’s getting warmed up before game-time.

After a couple of downright miserable stretches to begin the season, the Loggers meet the Teachers this Sunday with a potential winning streak on the line! No doubt that each team will be up to the challenge! Nothing feels better than streaking, right?

There was a point when each team was sitting at 1-7 on the year and contemplating where it all went so wrong. The Lumberfolk have really made strides since then, winning 2 of their last 4 contests. The offense has perked up just enough to overcome their floundering defense. Not sure how they do it, but they seem to have a knack for turning it on late in the season.

The only defense in the league that the Loggers can actually sneer at would be the TNT squad. Haz pulled out every last hair on his head in recent years, trying to figure out what works. I know Shortz has employed that nut-job actor dude to their camp, which has seemed to help? Maybe just pencil in LaBeouf at SS this week Teachers? Couldn’t hurt.

Field #2: Berry Park @ The Runaways () 

Place your bets…For nobody.

Not a lot of victories taking the field this Sunday at 1pm. Here we are in Week 16 of the WSL season and all the teams are playing their 12th or 13th games. It’s hard to imagine a scenario where there are 2 teams left that have totaled only 3 combined victories. Hell, I am just as surprised as anyone that those 2 teams are traditionally competitive organizations like the Runaways and Yetis.

The Runaways are scuffling as bad as we’ve seen in recent years. Coach Blues Clues is at a loss for options, as the Candy Kids cannot seem to put runs on the board. The struggle was glaringly obvious in their loss to the Teachers last Sunday, where they could only muster 4 runs against the league’s worst defense.

Berry Park have had their own offensive challenges in 2015, too. They are just barely into double digits for their season average. Fortunately for them, the Runaways have not scored in double digits since the opening week of the season. Seems like this would be a safe bet, if I were into that sort of thing? What’s the line, Jimmy Gooch?


Field #1: Black Betty @ R Bar (Homer Wadsworth)

Last weekend R Bar suffered a loss to Impose as the Betty went onto beat Enid’s, evening out the records for both teams atop the North of the Joe Fashion Division. Richie seemed happy to watch the Black beat up on Enid’s and essentially even the records for both squads with the Pinks owning the tiebreaker after an opening day assault on the Bums.

This weekend, R Bar faces the Betty and a former division rivalry is reborn. Last year, R Bar took it to the Bettys pretty hard in their only matchup of the season beating them… hold on……brace yo’self….. 34-11 and would’ve met in the finals if the Bums didn’t run into the buzz saw that was the streaking and peaking Turkey’s Nest. These teams always have a way of hovering nearby one another, always wondering if and when they might face off. Well, shit! That’s this weekend!

The Bums are the same old Bums but with some very new elements that can’t be overlooked. Evan has been more than effective in any spot you put him in the lineup and John R’Bar has been crushing the ball into the trees all season. Or as Teddy would say, he’s been a real tree shaker. Also rumored to be hitting the cages on the Outer Banks were soon-to-be-newlyweds, D-Lo and AC, who are also taking an early Sunday morning flight for the big matchup. Nothing says ‘rivalry’ like scheduling yourself for a 5am flight.

The Betty also picked up some new side pieces as well this season, luring Leo over from the The Hill along with redshirt phenom LouG who has been providing some stifling pitching and clutch hitting for his new squad. The Betty have had a full staff (*joke for H) for the past few weeks and have been looking to find the right formula to win every inning and be consistent from game to game.

This game is on Field 1 so the tree shakin’ thing could be an issue for either team hoping to contain the other squad’s power and pop. Whichever team wins will use this matchup as a statement game they will wear proudly on their sleeve to explain to others how dope they think they are.

Field #2: Impose @ Enids 2 (Shortz)

Impose is fired up after an extra inning victory against R Bar while Enid’s is coming off a crushing loss to the Betty and a near loss to the RSC (which should feel like a loss). Predicted winner – Impose.

In last season’s interleague, which was more condensed and more exciting because it fucked up people’s standings, these teams had different names but the opposite outcome as my aforementioned prediction.

I’m not sure what Coach Dom has up his sleeveless muscle tank for this one, but I can assume his team’s pre-game prep will include hyperbaric chambers that pump weed and the soundtrack of Jersey Boys, followed by a round of fingers. I can also assume that if former coach Wally graces the league with his presence for the second week in a (Stacy) Rowe, it could spell trouble for the former Bowlers. That doppelgänger of Anderson Cooper can play!

So how is Impose preparing for such an important game? By sitting in a circle and gazing into Palma’s beautiful artwork to give them the peace and strength they need to WHOOP DAT ASS! This art novice had the honor for viewing her work last week. Sadly, I did not see the sailboat.



Field #1: Roebling Sports Club @ Clemerica (Shortz)

The booze-filled Battle Ship vs. the team who are in reality the better drinkers. Why else would we nickname ourselves The Remys?

Those fellow Clemericans won in our last meet up, capped with a myriad of fails including Sir-Hits-A-Lot crashing into Stryker’s ‘ball’ while trying to score.

Sadly, Sir-Hits-A-Lot is on the DL after spraining his foot catching a pop up, so you’ll have to find some one else on our team to turn Softball into a contact sport (or don’t, we’re very old and injury-prone). While my merman and I wrastle over who sits in our reclining chair from heaven, my fellow “Remericans” will be looking to ride the victory wave over the Embattledship, who are still feeling the burn from their loss against Crown Vic (or from their booze-filled after parties, or boudoir escapades).

I’m less concerned with the outcome, and more concerned with the fact that we did not receive an invite from Clemerica for a post-game hang. So I’ll offer the olive branch and invite YOU to hang with US after the game. I’d say at Clem’s, but we’re too old and lazy for such a trek. So your options are Gibson or Roebling…depending on the heat. Also try not to look in our direction, or address us by name.

Field #2: Crown Vic 86ers @ Gibson (Homer Wadsworth)

The last time I covered the 86ers they were facing a tough R Bar and were coming off their biggest win of the season against a championship Nest team. They couldn’t put the win together and had to regroup for the following week’s matchup against Clem’s. They battled, played some free softball and got the win off ‘Don’t Call Me Kirby’s hit up the middle. The win was a big victory for the team and they now face the Gibson this weekend to try and make it 2 in a row.

Our new writer, APD Esq., had one of the greatest nicknames for the always nick namable Mr. Buttahmaker, the fearless leader of the CrownVic 86ers, who never shies from a knuckler up in the zone. Al will make you pay. Your insurance should cover it. Also on the 86er squad are Dylan The Legend of Grayskull, who my editor keeps changing into Dylan McKay no matter how many times I try to get her not to. I’m not even sure dude gets that reference, Shortz.

Nice going, Homer. You’ve made Dylan Mckay hit the bottle…again.

The Gibson are coming off x8 straight losses and have a tough schedule ahead of them facing the 86ers, the Betty and then R Bar. It won’t kill them, so it can only make them stronger. Right? The Gibbies are a different breed this year. They have that killer instinct and have been hungry\unfed so watch out ‘whoever is playing them’….they will surprise you. This has kind of been the M.O. when you come to play this team. Come ready to play or suffer.

My prediction for the game is the 86ers will come out of the gates slow and the Gibson will smell blood early. The big factor here will be defense. If the 86ers do their thing and score about 10 runs or so early, the Gibbers will have their work cut out. Nothing new to Todd, superstar LF’er and POTW15 Adrian ‘Mint Cookie’ Franco who have been coming to the park week in, week out putting up numbers. Expect the umpire to be tired and surly because he overbooks himself on Sundays.


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