Joe Godsy Division
Parkview Scorpions 6 1 .857 115 48
McCarren Hotel Titans 6 1 .857 96 60
St. Anselm 3 3 .500 73 53
Turkey's Nest AT 2 5 .286 50 64
Parkview Suzies 5 1 .833 55 42
The Bedford Yetis 3 4 .429 62 99
Pete's Candy Store 2 5 .286 73 77
Turkey's Nest 0 7 .000 20 101
Joe Fashion Division
Gibson 6 1 .857 89 44
Roebling Sports Club 5 2 .714 111 70
Clems 3 3 .500 63 56
The Gutter 86ers 1 5 .167 36 89
Kilo Bravo 4 2 .667 55 37
Echo Bravo 4 2 .667 69 44
Loggers 2 5 .286 58 83
Carmine's Bombers 1 6 .143 44 102


Week 08 - May 22
11:00 Parkview Scorpions @ Gibson 1
Loggers @ The Bedford Yetis 2
1:00 Pete's Candy Store @ Echo Bravo 1
Turkey's Nest @ Kilo Bravo 2
3:00 Carmine's Bombers @ Parkview Suzies 1
Turkey's Nest AT @ Clems 2
5:00 McCarren Hotel Titans @ The Gutter 86ers 1
St. Anselm @ Roebling Sports Club 2

Last Week's Results

Week 07 - May 15
Pete's Candy Store14 @ Turkey's Nest AT 11
Echo Bravo10 @ Roebling Sports Club 5
Loggers11 @ The Gutter 86ers 6
Carmine's Bombers5 @ Clems 12
Parkview Suzies7 @ McCarren Hotel Titans 17
The Bedford Yetis2 @ Parkview Scorpions 26
Kilo Bravo8 @ Gibson 9
Turkey's Nest0 @ St. Anselm 11

Week 9 – RECAP

Wed, Jun 10, 2015

Some things were a hit this Sunday (Sam’s Chocolate Banana Bread) while other things got hit (Abusive Drunk BNT fuckers making a ruckus). From scrumptious to scary, Sundays can be a real tasty bitch.


Field# 1: Turkey’s Teachers @ Black Betty (Homer Wadsworth)

The Teachers came out on Sunday with one goal in mind….to win at least one of the games of the day if not both and get a crooked if not an erect number in the win column. The first game against the Betty didn’t yield those results, but you could say the warm up got them either angry or vengeful or both as they went on to beat the Gibson in the their second game. This proves that no team can be held down forever and there’s more teachers out there with softball skills than you would think!

The Betty brigade had a new lefty outfielder, Kyle ‘Shazaam’ Bergman, who got the full rookie treatment after his first WSL home run on Sunday. Encouraged by his team’s behavior, Kyle thought it best to cement his first HR with 2 more and ended with 3 on the day and a big smile on his mustachioed face. ‘Belmont’ Jake Levine hit x3 HRs for his own triple crown and pretty much everyone on the squad scored a few times and had a few hits. The real highlight of the day was ABC’s birthday bash behind Field 2 that Set. It. Off. There were cupcakes with A’s on them (and one V! Hollagrrl!) and the Six Point was cooler deep.

The Teachers had some new faces but, as Haz put it, “anemic hitting and the Betty defense really never let us get deep in any inning. Classy folks all the way around, though. Tall and classy.’’ This would not be the last you would hear from the Teachers on this day…

Scroll down to the 1PM game for the best recap the Teachers have read all season!

(Turkey’s Teachers 2 / Black Betty 25)

Field# 2: Impose @ AT United ()

I do believe I am sensing a theme. AT United “lets” their opponents bat around the order in the first inning, then tries to play catch-up the remainder of the game. As much as I love the folks over at the Drunk Tank, this may not be the best idea they have had this season. The cooler jugs full of cocktails…awesome! The cold cuts and cookie trays…awesome! Climbing out of another 6-run deficit, before they get an AB…not so much.

As referenced, ATU came out flatter the Gerald’s pitching. Chad and Pete both had RBI hits in the first, as 6 former-Bowlers crossed the plate. Christian “Lee Roth” also returned to the lineup, with a 4 hit day and a “sick DP” in the field. Kyle Ostrom anchored that stingy Mendoza defense this Sunday, robbing several ATU batters from his shoestrings.

Not many highlights from the other side in this one. Justin and Moira played some courageous defense, while Nick provided 2 of the measly 7 ATU hits on the day…1 of which was a bomb. All of it was too little and too late, as the Impose crew cruised to an 8-2 victory. They now share a half game lead in the Godsy South with the Betties, while AT United slips a half game back of the Nest in the Fashion South.

(Impose 8 / AT United 2)


Field# 1: Turkey’s Teachers @ Gibson (Shortz)

Teachers, meet your permanent life coach!

Holy Shia LaBeouf the Teachers won their first game of the season!!!!! The bad news is that means Shia LaBeouf is your softball spiritual advisor moving forward. As for the rest of my preview predictions, guess I should’ve referenced Enough with the Teachers. Get it? Because they had enough losses!!!

Haz’s pick-ups were not bartenders who’ve never swung a bat but actual ballers this time. New Teacher Jaime Contreras provided the power with 2 homers, the second winning the game. New girl….“Avi” (last name unknown) played a great second base (I’m talking about fielding AND throwing) while pumping up the bench, which means she’s a keeper as the TNT bench is usually as lively as a funeral. Meanwhile tenured teachers Andres “Dre” Rodrigues and Mike Sill were solid at left center and on the bump respectively.

But the Gibson didn’t just roll over and die in this game. They fought back from a 5-run deficit to tie in the 7th. Core Gibsonite Todd Kovner went 4 for 4 with 2 RBI, ladies Sam Warden (P) and Ado (C) paired up for an awesome relay to get the out at home and both contributed with 2 hits and scored twice and both had an RBI. Cap’n A-Dos returned to the lineup after a 3-week absence from the bat reaching 2 of 3 times and getting 2 RBI. And timely contributions were made by Jose “Dos Siete”, Ranger Mike, Jonathan, and Aaron.

But the Teachers pulled ahead and the Gibbers could not catch up. I’m positive that both teams then retired to their respective watering holes…and drank heavily.

The Gibson would like to kindly request to “Fix that damn sliding at home plate rule!” Here’s the official rule: “Safety is of crucial importance around home plate. Controlled feet-first sliding on close plays is strongly encouraged, as it is generally accepted as a safer method than head-first sliding. Sliding is recommended but not mandatory. Avoiding collisions is MANDATORY.” Now I don’t know what happened as I received the highlights 5 minutes before posting, but I do know that the Gibson is right – ALWAYS #dontshutusoutagain

(Turkey’s Teachers 11 / Gibson 10)

Field# 2: 3 Kings @ R Bar ()

Well, that did not go as expected.

After all the build-up prior to this game, the league-best records, the high-powered offenses and the budding rivalry; this was not the game that any of us signed up for. As much as I really didn’t want the R Bar offense to show up on Sunday, I certainly wasn’t ready for what we got.

The first couple innings were loaded with some stellar defense on both sides. Bobby Knapp robbed an RBI hit from Tommy Santoro, with a diving stab on a laser down the line. The Kings would blank the top of the Bums potent lineup in return, to carry a measly 1-0 lead into the 3rd inning. Then it would start to get interesting.

The 3Ks bats pepped up in the top of the 3rd, plating 5 of the first 6 batters. After a leadoff single from Joyce Vargas, the Kings got RBI hits from Denis and Motown to take a 6-0 lead. They would add another 2 runs in the 4th, sparked by RBI hits from Joyce and Kenny. Joey and Vinny would each add 3 knocks on the day for the Kings, as well.

Down 8-0, R Bar would wake up in bottom of the 4th. Sam and Bobby both had homers, as the Bums put 3 across in the frame. They would continue to chip away, with a few more runs in the 7th on an 2-out RBI single from Nasty Nate, but it wasn’t enough. The Kings would shut the door in the final 2 innings for the 9-6 victory.

After the game, the Bums declared 6/7/15 to be the “day to never be mentioned again” and had a nice group consolation hug in the dugout. Winning with a no homer day and stifling defense, the Kings may have ushered in a new era for the franchise. Is this the beginning of the dead ball era for 3Ks?


(3 Kings 9 / R Bar 6)


Field# 1: Roebling Sports Club @ The Runaways (Shortz)

I ordered some new shirts for you, Sam 🙂

I walked a mile in the Empanada Man’s Shoes on Sunday, doling out Sam’s Chocolate Banana Bread to the masses. Apparently the whole being nice through baked goods thing worked, as the Remy’s clobbered the Runs. Wait- Does this mean I have to bake something every week.

It would be hard for anyone to score with the way our defense was playing. Our outfield was playing like a bunch of scouts were watching, robbing Runs after Runs. And as for our infield, two words: Julie Pacino. In her first game back this season, she guarded the right side like a boss, and her stellar plays elicited many oooohs and ahhhs from the crowd.

And we finally learned how to hit the damn ball! Hogan, in his last appearance until August (actors and their actor gigs), was nearly perfect on the day going 4-5 with a sac. Shawn one up-ed his fellow actor going 5-5 with a HR in the 3rd, and Jake shook the vacation cobwebs off to go 3-4 with a monstrous home run in the 8th.

But the Runs had some defense of their own. According to Coach Rio, Chad roamed the outfield “with aplomb”, and “all of the ladies seemed to contribute in unique and positive ways”. But it wasn’t nearly enough, and the Remy’s ran up the score.

Sadly, wen I asked Sam to taste his delicious recipe, he revealed he’s off gluten. DAMN YOU GLUTEN- YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!!!!!

(Roebling Sports Club 14 / The Runaways 5)

Field# 2: The Bedford @ Enids (Homer Wadsworth)

In the preview for this game, I made the mistake of saying this was the game of the week when clearly the statistics said otherwise. This is a league of stats. Don’t forget it. This was pointed out to me by my clean faced colleague and I abashedly said ‘My bad’. I take ‘my bad’ back. This game was better than Cat-Con this weekend in LA!

The game started kinda slow. Both teams kind of enjoying the summer Sunday and lazily going through the motions of mid-season softball. It was sort of like everyone was waiting for the playoff feeling to come. Is it too early in the season? How is this game so low scoring? Where’s Teacher Tommy and MO’m? Since when did this turn into a topless league?

The contest was locked down in a 5-5 tie somewhere in the middle innings and the fire from each bench was ignited by the usual cast of characters you’d expect. Alex ‘DoBeDoBeDubin’ was all over the field, in the dugout in the middle of Enid at-bats when he should be in CF and generally seemed to be occupying every corner of the field at all times. If he wasn’t hitting or running bases he was coaching 3rd base and cheering his team on like a Dad whose kids are just not that into baseball. ‘Big Daddy’ Kane had a superb day at the dish and provided the play o’ the day when he snagged a sure game winning hit up the middle by Pink’s manager Dom ‘NoPlfd’ to end the rally and keep the Bedford’s hopes alive in extras.

Mo-Rida also had a huge day with bombs to left and center field to keep the Pinks running. Starting pitcher for Enid’s (and my personal hero, Ceez) went 4 for 4 and threw a dandy on the mound, keeping the Bedfordians off balance and keeping his team in the game. He was relieved by my knees’ personal hero, Patty.

The game came down to a few defensive gems by the Bedford infield combo of Rookie Sensation SS Steve and Kris ‘Yes, I’m Aware of How A Forceout Works’. As the stalemate got stale the Bedford woke up for 7 runs to put the game away in the 11th. It was a great game to watch and a possible playoff matchup neither team wants.

(The Bedford 18 / Enids 11)


Field# 1: Berry Park @ Clemerica (Homer Wadsworth)

Last weekend ended for Clem’s with Stryker on his belly (gross) and a win in the books. The Yetis, on the other hand, have been having issues and as skipper Zak Braff said, “There’s some really bad juju surrounding our team right now. Change gon’ come.” Maybe this weekend would be the one they awake from their slumber and get that elusive W? Maybe not.

Stryker got roughed up for the first few innings as the Yetis poured on some sweet lovin’ runs and Steve ‘Turbo’ Lynch connected for a 3 run bomb to get things going for his squad. After a comfy 9-0 lead team Yetis sat back and popped a few brews (foreshadowing?) thinking this would be the day they were hoping for.

Clem’s needed to get warmed up and this Sunday was no different as they were kept scoreless after 5 innings. Eventually, Kelly and Bobby went deep and got on the board, and Clem’s was off and running. Markow ‘The Polish Rifle’ hit one of the farthest balls I’ve seen to straight away center from Field 1. Like ‘garbage can’ far. No one was really impressed since he does this kinda thing weekly. Breezy had to threaten the team with a beer prohibition if they didn’t score more runs and the team responded accordingly. Nat ‘The Bat’ has been playing superb 1st base as of late and made a few nifty plays keeping the Clemerican infield in check along with multiple team selfies posted after the game making everyone wish they played for Clem’s.

Later on everyone went to Clem’s and got some pizza for Pizza and balance between to the two most drinkingest teams in the WSL was restored.

Alcohol: the cause and solution to all of life’s problems.

UPDATE: Winnie is now the coach of the Yeti’s! Let’s see if this guy can turn things around and make the Berry Parkers more legit than the new floor manager they hired!

(Berry Park 11 / Clemerica 16)

Field# 2: Crown Vic 86ers @ Loggers (Shortz)

Sad Tony hates losing 🙁

The 86ers weren’t excited about the prospect of remaining in Buttfumbletown, and got the ‘fook’ out this Sunday with a win against the Loggers.

It was a family reunion of sorts on the Loggers bench seeing Brenner and Tony back in the lineup. But the happiness was short-lived as the 86ers came out swinging with two runs scored by Ben (4-5) and Jimmy Quigs (3-5 with a HR). Their 4th inning saw 4 runs scored thanks to homeruns from Dave Osborne (2-5 with a HR) and Quigs, plus scoring from Rich and Dylan McKay. The rest of the game was more of the same for the 86ers, including Coach Buttah’s power single turned homerun.

The Loggers would plate their only runs in the 3rd-5th innings score by rookie Erika, Snoop and maybe Craig (y’all keep a terrible book). But to be fair, they were dealing with the golden gloves of Rich Larossi, MalVP, Quigs, veteran 86er Justin Barnes, and Dave Osbourne, who ran down a ball in the deepest part of centerfield to take a HR away from Logger Craig.

The Loggers once again could not break out of their early season funk. Attendance has been an issue but I certainly don’t want to be the team that faces their full squad.

(Crown Vic 86ers 13 / Loggers 3)

WSL Player of the Week is…Cap’n Calves!!!


Calves: Wow, What an honor! I never thought I’d be in the same category as Q, Nelson, Doug, D-Lo, Megan, Chelsey and Sean. They’re all great players and people. I still need to hang out with Nelson and Doug to confirm that statement but I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully they’ll hang out with the league soon. Most of the players in the WSL play their heart out and it can really bee seen in their performance and the fun we all have afterwards.

1. You prefer to pitch topless. Do you feel WSL pitching stars like JB$ paved the way for you to go “sans chemise”?

Calves: Yes. JB$ is such a game changer because of his “bro”vado, interpretive throwing skills and superior genetics. I remember when i first joined the league for the Loggers and wondered who that guy was and how did he get so darn good. And after realizing he wasn’t wearing a sweater but was shirtless and the WSL didn’t have a “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” policy I was ready to get all David Hasellhoff on the field.”

2. When the ball is thrown back to you from the catcher, you like to turn your back so the ball hits your butt. Is that to signify that you’re unhappy with the call from behind the plate or is it a mind game against the batter?

Calves: It’s a little of both but I don’t try and have it hit my butt. If it does that’s just a bonus. I know the umps work really hard on umping a good game but they make mistakes like everyone does. They’re not professional umps and I think sometimes they get a bad rap because they miss calls. There’s a lot of calls to be made in a game from calling every pitch to calling all the plays. Even the professional umps screw up. The primary reason I don’t like to catch the ball is I like to try and catch it blind or sometimes not at all. If I’m not catching it it’s because I’m trying to let it hit the ground and have the ground absorb the negative energy of the ball and all its bad mojo.

3. I hear you have computers for sale. How dirty are the keyboards?

Calves: Keyboards and cell phone have a tendency to carry a lot of germs and bacteria because they are touched by hands. My keyboards are within the normal range of germ/bacteria content.

 4. What exercise regimen keeps your calves so calf-y?

Calves: Walking. I probably work out my calves 4 or 5 times a year. My gym program has really been lacking. Most of my exercise comes from riding bikes, playing softball, bowling and typing on my keyboards.

5. What was going through your mind when you “tossed out the trash” at the Gibson on Sunday, earning you the nickname “the Calved Crusader”? 

Calves: I really didn’t have time to process the situation. I just saw someone in our WSL family that needed immediate help and I wanted to separate the aggressor from the situation so no more damage would happen. I wanted to take him outside and kick his ass so I grabbed him and started pulling him outside and that’s when his two guys friends and two girls started following us. I think we all spilled out on the sidewalk and they pushed me in the street and tried to hit me but there was no hits that were landed. My glasses were still on and my hat was knocked off-that’s about it. In retrospect, I wish I could have diffused the whole situation but it’s hard to be completely aware of one’s surroundings. Weekends can be a real shit show and unfortunately assholes from all over come to our neighborhood and act like they don’t give a shit about people. I’ve only been in two adult scraps and both of the have been at the Gibson dealing with jerk-offs that don’t know how to treat women. I believe that any one of the WSLers, had they been there, would have done the same thing and that’s why I love this league and its players.

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