Joe Godsy Division
Parkview Scorpions 6 1 .857 115 48
McCarren Hotel Titans 6 1 .857 96 60
St. Anselm 3 3 .500 73 53
Turkey's Nest AT 2 5 .286 50 64
Parkview Suzies 5 1 .833 55 42
The Bedford Yetis 3 4 .429 62 99
Pete's Candy Store 2 5 .286 73 77
Turkey's Nest 0 7 .000 20 101
Joe Fashion Division
Gibson 6 1 .857 89 44
Roebling Sports Club 5 2 .714 111 70
Clems 3 3 .500 63 56
The Gutter 86ers 1 5 .167 36 89
Kilo Bravo 4 2 .667 55 37
Echo Bravo 4 2 .667 69 44
Loggers 2 5 .286 58 83
Carmine's Bombers 1 6 .143 44 102


Week 08 - May 22
11:00 Parkview Scorpions @ Gibson 1
Loggers @ The Bedford Yetis 2
1:00 Pete's Candy Store @ Echo Bravo 1
Turkey's Nest @ Kilo Bravo 2
3:00 Carmine's Bombers @ Parkview Suzies 1
Turkey's Nest AT @ Clems 2
5:00 McCarren Hotel Titans @ The Gutter 86ers 1
St. Anselm @ Roebling Sports Club 2

Last Week's Results

Week 07 - May 15
Pete's Candy Store14 @ Turkey's Nest AT 11
Echo Bravo10 @ Roebling Sports Club 5
Loggers11 @ The Gutter 86ers 6
Carmine's Bombers5 @ Clems 12
Parkview Suzies7 @ McCarren Hotel Titans 17
The Bedford Yetis2 @ Parkview Scorpions 26
Kilo Bravo8 @ Gibson 9
Turkey's Nest0 @ St. Anselm 11

Week 12 – PREVIEW

Thu, Jul 10, 2014

Hope everyone had a Happy 4th and that nobody lost any appendages in a hilarious firework incident that’s now circulating YouTube for millions to laugh at. Get ready for another action packed softball weekend! Hey, at least here only your fellow McCarrenites will laugh at you! Week 12 is upon us.


Field #1: Spike Hill vs. Turkey’s Nest (Stache)

In what may be the marquee match-up of the weekend, we get the defending champs from Spike Hill against the 2014 juggernaut Turkey’s Nest team.  O’Malley has his team sitting at 9-2 on the year and they are poised to make another deep playoff run, while the Nest is boasting a 10-1 mark and terrorizing the WSL on an almost weekly basis.

Even though “we don’t report home runs”, Nest bombers Shafer and Jake are quick to let you know how many they have hit in private conversation…which is apparently a lot. Spike Hill is absolutely no slouch in that department either, led by the big bat of Alex Dubin. No doubt you can expect some post-Independence Day fireworks at the plate this week.  Look out McCarren Park, they’re aiming for your picnic!

Despite the fact that he is a traitor to the Hillian cause (and now a current Turkey), I certainly hope the Mitchy Porno Stache Mexico Beach tanks make an appearance on the backs of Spike Hill Sunday! Easily one of my favorite alternate jerseys ever!

Field #2: Reel2Reel vs. Brooklyn Bowl (Shortz)

These two teams last met in the first round of the playoffs last year right around the time the Reelers started their “McConaissance” period of being winners.

Brooklyn Bowl’s been looking sharp this season, but the Reelers seem to play to the talent of their opponents, so anything can happen.

Maybe we’ll put a dent in Brooklyn Bowl’s record by tying their shoelaces together in the 4th inning, but they don’t notice until the top of the 7th. Maybe the Bowlers will rack up the score so high that they play the last three innings using ice cream cones for gloves. Maybe we’ll pick up McConaughey himself and he’ll pitch in post-force “Rust” Attire whilst making dolls out of Lone Star beer cans and calls them his helpers.

Whatever the outcome, I still need a 2 by 4 from your workshop, Godsy. You know what it’s in reference to.


Field #1: Black Betty vs. AT United (SUPER FAN)

I’m suddenly craving pizza

Gerald vs. the Volcano (aka Camarra… actually, it’s The Anvil, isn’t it?)

In this film, Gerald is played by Tom Hanks, who was really great in You Got Mail and Big, but now he’s fighting pirates and he’s old – not really my type anymore. I never actually saw Joe versus the Volcano, but I just read the plot summary and wow, what a bunch of hokey movie nonsense.  Seriously, they get blown into the ocean out of a volcano? Are we supposed to believe that the density of water makes no difference if you are blown a hundred feet in the air?  I’m thinking organ damage at least, which reminds me –

AT is on a 3 game winning streak after taking out Clem’s in a baseball-like game, 6-3, prior to the Holiday.  Meanwhile, Black Betty is having an odd season, with an identical 6 and 5 record and a crushing loss to R-Bar in their last game.

I remember when Betty started slow a couple years ago, and then turned it on and took out Spike Hill in the final.  AT, on the other hand, has played tough this year and has a lineup of newly sober hitters that can stand up to any team.  The Drunk Tank is back, but it looked smaller when I saw it and I hear it now only contains Pedialite. Will AT avenge last year’s playoff loss or will Betty snap awake and start their next Championship run?

Field #2: Good Company vs. 3 Kings (Stache)

Stache may have to call in the most dreaded of the 3 Kings for this battle

The path to week 12 looks dramatically different for the Good Co. and 3 Kings squads.  After a bit of a slow start, the Pinks have really turned up the volume on their 2014 campaign.  In the opposing dugout, the Kings are suffering through a bit of a slump…including an utter dismantling by the Gibson 2 weeks ago.

I suppose you can toss out the records for this game.  As divisional rivals in 2013, each team notched a victory against each other in the regular season.  Both offenses showed up to the tune of 35 combined runs in the first meeting last year, while game 2 saw less than half of that production in an extra innings cliffhanger.  Looking at some of the run totals being put up in 2014, one would assume we’re going to see some power on display from these top 5 WSL offenses.

I hear that familiarity breeds contempt and these 2 squads are very familiar.  Can the Kings right the ship on Sunday or will Good Co continue their winning ways?  One thing is certain, it’s never a dull moment when they meet on the field!


Field #1: Soft Spot vs. Loggers (Stryker)

Quite an interesting matchup we have here.  A large, rarely seen beast that skulks around the forests vs. the very people that are destroying said forests.  I worry for you Loggers, I really do.  The beast that is the Yeti has awakened and it is angry and hungry.   After scoring a huge 24 runs in their win over Reel 2 Reel last week, they celebrated by devouring 24 people at McCarren pool (and then got sick and threw them all up, the Yeti is allergeic to patchouli oil).

The Yetti defense will have to be extra strong to protect its habitat from those wood loving Loggers.  The Tree Trimmers are coming off a rough one last week against the Bowlers and are sure to be looking for redemption.  I heard the whole team flew to the Northwest over the break to compete in the 6th Semiannual NW Regional  Logoff to get back to basics and pick up some new saw blades (and possibly try to kidnap Bigfoot, the yeti’s dear cousin and hold him for ransom? Who knows, we can only speculate and spread rumors).

We will have to see if the Loggers can break out the big chainsaws and cut down the Yeti’s redwood hovel or if the Yeti’s will eat the Logger’s lunches (and maybe the actual team, too).  

BTW I caught Jake, JL, and Schafer’s 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular at McCarren Park and boy was it crazy.  I have never seen 3 men light so many fireworks off of each others body in such perfect unison.  It was truly a magical night.  Thank you, gentlemen.

Field #2: Pete’s Candy Store vs. Turkey’s Teachers (Shortz)

Sometimes, it takes me a moment (or an arduous scroll through the WSL archives) to remember the previous match up of two teams. But not this one! These krazy kids last met less than a year ago, and the Teachers won in a huge upset. To be fair, the Teachers had a specific good luck charm that day- me, me, me, me, ME! Sadly, Haz will be without his muse, as I’ll be holding down seats at The Gibson for the World Cup Final, so he’ll have to muster up some wild cat plays to pull the wool over Sam’s eyes this time.

But beware, Teachers. I happen to know the Candyfolk actually prefer wool over their eyes, especially in summer. Might I suggest luring them away from the field with a trail of candy that leads to a box held up with a stick and—dammit! I was THIS close to having a pun-free preview—AAAAAAH…CAN’T STOP NOW—TEACHER’S WILL SCHOOL OR BE SUMMER SCHOOLED! HYDROGEN TIMES PIE!

Okay, now I’m done.


Field #1: Crown Victoria 86ers vs. Gibson (SUPER FAN)

Is that your stock rising or are you just happy to see me?

This 5PM match-up between the Ado’s Pourhouse and Al’s Sweetwater should prove an exciting one, with the Pourhouse riding a 1 game winning streak for the first time since they were called the Pourhouse. Meanwhile, Sweetwater is coming off a shorthanded spanking by title contender Good Co. Gibson is no pushover these days, fighting hard and staying in every game, so Mr. Buttah will need to bring their Sunday best to get back in the win column.

The real question any intelligent observer must ask is “Did she get the names of the original teams right?  There’s no archive of the site and neither team ever won the championship…”  Well, quit whining…there’s a little thing in the world called this that allows you to see old snapshots of the site.  This is where I get all my intel and also how I learned to read.

You can see that even back then, the Gibson (Pourhouse) was struggling, but they have always had the talent – in 2009, they finished at .500. Crown Vic has turned it around and is better than their record – can the Gibson chart the same path?  This is a game to watch with two teams with similar pasts, but equally bright futures.

Fields #2: RBar vs. Clemerica (Stryker)

One of these teams scored 34 last week and one of them scored 3.  One team has 3 people on the HR leader board the other has 0.  One team has a great record, the other team’s record…not so great.  What does this mean?  Absolutely nothing!!!!!  The Battleship has had off an entire week to do what they do best, be GD American!!  Drinkin’ buds, shootin’ guns, and chasin’ tail.  We are ready. We are hungry. We are CLEMERICA!!! But its gonna be an uphill sail for the Battleship at the face one of the most powerful storms in the league, the Super Derecho that is the RBar Bums.  These guys make the Battleship’s cannons look like nerf guns.  Its gonna be a tough one for the Battleship, but we are the ClemeriCANS not the ClemeriCANTS!!!!  Now on to more important matters, my vacation.

One game. One ball. One fruit cup. One angry man.

It was a rough start to my ten days off when i got called in to guest bartend at 11am for the World Cup games after really tying one on the night before.  No problem, I love gettin’ behind the stick.  Served a lot of motherf-ing waters for those two games, though. WTF is with soccer fans?  Don’t they know how to drink?  I swear, I was counting this one Colombian girl’s drinks. I poured 1 beer and 15 waters for one game! C’mon!  Pack up your shit and get out.

Day two looked promising with softball and a free Yankees game.  Well, it went south fast as we lost a horrible one, but it was a nice day so I moved on to Clem’s, where me and Markow drank until Yankees time.  We met Little Cleary and Bongi up there at Bill’s, real fine establishment.  We got to our seats (courtesy of one of our jobs), and boy were they great seats. 3rd baseline, 1st row after the boxes, really nice for my first Yankee game ever.  The only minor downside was these two Red Sox fans in front of us in the boxes, fully decked out in Masshole gear. No problem, right?  Right…until we had a few “sodas” and one of us noticed the MAN order a FRUIT CUP. A FUCKING FRUIT CUP?! 

Well, we went from zero to aggressive pretty quickly after that, really giving it to him about the fruit cup.  During the heckles, a foul ball was hit and it was heading towards our section…no wait, right to our row! No! Right at me! A real lollipop, too. What a treat catching a foul ball at my first Yankee game would be. As the ball came closer, I got ready for my celebration that would surely be on the Jumbotron.  Closer, closer, and then BAM, it hits my seat, ricochets off, hits the guy right behind me in the chest and rolls into some herb’s filthy paws.  I still don’t really know what happened, but I apparently totally pussed out at the last minute and cowered like a little girl.  I think it had something to do with Bongi’s chicken fingers that I stepped in right before the ball hit.  After that, we directed our focus back on fruit cup.  A short while later, the “gentleman” approached security (who was next to us the whole time) and somehow got us removed…and not just removed, escorted out by 6 cops!!!  Imagine that…a Sox fan gets Yankee fans kicked out at Yankee stadium for making fun of his fruit cup!! What is this world coming to?  I’ll tell you all about the other 8 days another time, but it went a little something like this:

This week’s preview brought to you by:

In case you don’t go into work Monday already stinking like booze


The New New Additions


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