Standings

Joe Godsy Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Parkview Scorpions 17 4 .810 300 162
St. Anselm 11 9 .550 204 200
Clems 8 10 .444 182 178
Pete's Candy Store 6 12 .333 164 205
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Roebling Sports Club 14 5 .737 225 162
Loggers 12 7 .632 247 185
Gibson 6 12 .333 172 236
AT All-Stars 6 12 .333 154 247
 
Joe Fashion Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Echo Bravo 12 8 .600 246 173
The Gutter 86ers 9 9 .500 198 210
Turkey's Nest 5 13 .278 174 264
Carmine's Bombers 0 18 .000 114 318
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Parkview Panthers 17 4 .810 289 196
Kilo Bravo 10 9 .526 261 229
Turkey's Nest Titans 9 9 .500 217 213
The Bedford Yetis 9 10 .474 231 200

Schedule

Championship Sunday - Sep 26
11:00 St. Anselm @ Parkview Scorpions 1
Echo Bravo @ Parkview Panthers 2
3:00 Parkview Scorpions @ Parkview Panthers 2

Last Week's Results

Championship Sunday - Sep 26
St. Anselm4 @ Parkview Scorpions 9
Echo Bravo7 @ Parkview Panthers 9
Parkview Scorpions10 @ Parkview Panthers 5

Week 17- Preview

Thu, Jul 25, 2013

Week 17 is upon us and as the season starts to wind down, teams are jockeying for playoff positioning. With six games remaining, we have four teams with 10-wins, one with 9, and six teams with 6-8 wins. What does that mean? It means that the middle of the pack teams are in a mosh pit, pushing and shoving their way to a respectable seed. Both Turkey teams are doubling up this weekend.  Can TNT catch a sleepy Good Co. team at 10 am? Will Black Betty be in a tie for the division lead or will the RBar continue their hold as the South ‘s #1? Can The 3 Kings find the Yeti’s soft spot? Let’s drop a chloroform cotton ball in the jar and dissect together.

10 AM

Field #1: Turkey’s Nest vs. Gibson (Shortz) 

Sunday morning marks game 2 for these teams’ one-week-removed double-header. While the Nesters edged out a win last weekend (6-5), they will be without veteran pitcher Zac, so this could be the perfect opportunity for the Gibson to sweep the leg. The other option, (which duckduck fell victim to in week 15) is that Turkey’s sleep through the first game, take a week off, and KILL IT in game 2. Will The Gibson split or be slaughtered in the “Battle of Bedford Avenue”? Come noon (or sooner), all will be revealed.

Field#2: Good Co. vs. TNT (GBlack)

The Pinks bitch slapped the Teachers in the face with that giant history book we all used to carry between classes in last week’s 20-4 victory. Having won 3 in row before last week’s extra-inning, nail-biting loss against Black Betty, Good Co. is in good shape to better their record and bracket seed. TNT on the other hand. is in the mist of a 4 game losing streak. Perhaps a WSL cheat sheet exists? Will the Pinks recover from last week’s crushing loss? Will Haz rally the faculty in their first of two games on Sunday? If you care enough (and we know you do), get up early and camp your asses in the nice shade at Field #2.

12PM 

Field #1: Turkey’s Nest vs. Brooklyn Bowl (GBlack)

Bowlers want Thanksgiving in mid July

The Nesters’ season has been more bi-polar than that wacky Amanda Bynes. (Did you hear she doused her Pomeranian in gasoline while setting a fire? Classic Amanda). After spanking the lower seeds of the South during inter-league play, they’ve alternated wins and losses the past four weeks. When they score more than 11 runs, the seem to win, so head ups Brooklyn Bowl defense. The Bowlers have been on a nice tear of late, winning 7 of their last 9, with the two losses respectively being against Spike Hill and RBar. They are putting the pressure on AT and separating themselves from the middle pack of the North. MVP and Gold Glove favorite, Joe “I can do it all” God-sy, is having a great season defensively; he has taken more dives than a blackmailed boxer. Will TN lose to the Gibson and be reeling at 12 pm? And how many spectacular plays will rookie Palma Blank have at 2nd base? She is definitely in the running for Rookie of the Year honors. This great battle starts at high noon!

Field #2: Good Co vs. Pete’s Candy Store (Shortz) 

New Uniform idea, Pete’s?

After squeaking out a win against 3 Kings for their 4th straight win, Pete’s are seeking revenge for their week one loss to the Pinks, their only divisional loss thus far.

Good Co will be sans WSL favorite Cap’n Calves, who we forgot to mention had 3 home runs for the day last Sunday. (you go girl!) With such a crushing blow, Wally and Co. will have to rally to stop the force that is Coach Sam’s “Trifecta of Awesome”. The Pink ladies are coming off a tough loss last week, losing by one in extra innings to Black Betty, so it may’ve woken them the fuck up to sweep this weekend.

2PM

Field #1: Loggers vs. Turkey’s Teachers (Shortz) 

Both these teams have had a rough season thus far, but more importantly, both teams have been victims…of our PUNS! Now that they’re facing off for the first time since week 1, I’m taking full advantage of the situation, will a double en-PUN-re.

Life hasn’t been a beech for the Loggers. Brenner will no doubt be leafing the pages of their playbook in order to spruce up their strategy. The Teacher’s losses too have been adding up and they are playing at a fraction of what they are capable of. To sum it up, Haz will have to be chalk-full of ideas if they don’t want to continue to lose their faculties. I don’t need no calculus to see that these two teams are in desperate need of getting their standings raised to the umpteenth power in order to stop bark-ing up the loosing tree.

Field #2: AT vs. The Gibson (GBlack)

Way back in Week 1, The Gibson gave The Allstars all they could handle in a 21-13 defeat. The Gibby looks to build on that game this Sunday. To motivate his troops for their twin bill this weekend, Grambo has looped the video of me getting smacked from the Week 5 preview:

BTW, that preview has has over 5,000 views, hmmm not sure what that really means (EN: 4,000 of those views are Gerald’s).  AT has composed themselves after losing three games to the top teams of the league by rattling off two very convincing wins. They will not take the Gibson lightly, no matter what Mickey Smiles says. Also, I know I’ve given the Gibson a lot of ribbing on the recaps and previews this season, but to their credit, they are never short any players, always show up early in their snazzy looking shirts to warm up and take the field determined to win. Will redemption and their 1st victory of 2013 be in the books for the Gibson? I truly cannot say I will be rooting for them this week.

4PM

Field #1: RBar vs. Black Betty (GBlack)

The Bums might’ve caught The Champs off guard in the season opener when they handed them a 16-10 loss, revenge for their playoff ouster last season. But The Betty has reeled off 10 wins in their last 12 games and have gotten stronger every week. So the stage is set. BB wins and they share 1st place in the South, RBar sweeps the season series, they take control of the division. Can WSL living legend JB$ calm the lefty-powered RBar line-up? And can Bum Teddy Browne, who’s had a great year on the mound, calm the #2 offense in the league? Contest Time!!!!  Let’s do the free Big Bud giveaway, guess the correct combined score of this game and get a buzz on me. Last week’s winner was Mike “The Stashalicous” McNelis with a correct guess of 18 combined runs in RBar’s 10-8 victory over Soft Spot.

Field #2: Spike Hill vs. 2nd Chance (Shortz) 

It was opening day when these two squads last met. Since the start of the season, we’ve seen that Second Chance is capable to scoring more than one run; however, we’ve also seen that Spike Hill is capable of scoring way more than 10 runs. If the Mighty Spike Hillians can manage to keep a couple of their hits on the ground, this could turn into a “2B off” between hot chicks Mallory and Morgan.  We’ll also see if Phil gets tagged in the balls again trying to score (since apparently you don’t have to slide at home anymore). Unfortunately for the 86ers, Soda Pop busted up his hand this week so the rest of the outfield will have to step it up. As will Spike Hill, who are down a Mitch and a couple other players themselves. I’d say “ruh roh”, but I won’t since we all know Spike Hill has a very clear and present and dangerous roster.

6PM

Field #1: Clemerica vs. duckduck (Shortz/Stryker)

And now…A joint preview with Stryker. You’re welcome, Earth.

STRYKER: HEY SHORTZ, YOU KNOW DUCK DUCK IS GONNA GET GOOSED BY CLEMERICA THIS WEEK, RIGHT?

Shortz: By “goosed” you must be referring to Grey Goose, which we’ll be mixing into our celebratory martinis after we sink you fools!

Speaking of getting sunk, how does your team plan on getting pumped up for Sunday’s game? By watching Battleship on DVD? Send Rihanna my regards.

STRYKER: MMMMMMM MARTINIS AFTER A 2 HOUR SOFTBALL GAME IN THE 90 DEGREE HEAT, YOU GUYS REALLY KNOW HOW TO DO IT OVER THERE AT “DUCK DUCK”.

AHHH….YES RIHANNA, NOT SURE WHO’S GONNA LOOK WORSE- YOU GUYS AFTER WE PUMMEL YOU OR RIHANNA AFTER DATE NIGHT WITH CHRIS BROWN (TOO SOON?).

Shortz: I’m gonna go ahead and quote WSL public enemy #1, “too soon”. However, the only pummeling that shall occur is when we knock off all the scotch tape and gum that holds your Battleship together.

That’s right Clap-merica, Ducks be packin’ heat. Speaking of “Heat”, have you seen that new movie with lady cops and it’s supposed to funny?

STRYKER: YOU WISH, THE BATTLESHIP IS STRONG AND STURDY, MADE OF BEER BRISKET AND BEARDS!! THE STRONGEST STUFF ON EARTH!!

HEAT? IS SANDRA BULLOCK IN THAT? THEY SHOULD HAVE NAMED IT BARF.

I WAS WATCHING SAHARA THE OTHER DAY AND COULDNT HELP BUT MAKE A COMPARISON. CLEMERICA IS LIKE

MCCONAUGHEYS WITH HIS SHIRT OFF AND DUCKDUCK IS LIKE MCCONAUGHEY WITH HIS SHIRT ON.

Shortz: Now if that were actually true, y’all would be sporting these uniforms.

In reality, y’all are the Steve Hahns to our Matthew McConaugheys. On second thought, take McConaughey. I just casted us as Arnold Schwarzenegger circa 1984, (or really all of the 80’s if you exclude Twins). No one would DARE fuck with that guy.

We’ll see you shirtless McConaugheys on the field. Bring your own bongos. I expect extra long pauses good sir, and of course, for the masses to take our joking dialogue the wrong way.

STRYKER: I WASN’T JOKING.

Shortz: Neither was I.

FIN.

Field #2: 3 Kings vs. Soft Spot (GBlack)

These two teams squared off to start the season, with the Yetis coming out on top 13-10. But Soft Spot’s fortunes have not been great of late, as they are 1-4 in their last five games and stuck in the muddled waters of the South. After feasting on the North division’s lower seeds and winning two straight vs. the Loggers, 3 Kings faltered against Good Co. and Pete’s. They look to hit 8 wins and try to separate themselves from the crowded South. How do they get ready for this contest you ask? 3K’s resident funny man, Nick Tomeo, leaked Stash’s secret training technique on Facebook, . In response to this, The Yetis watched all three season of Games of Thrones to properly prepare on how to handle royalty. The Majestic Ones and their 3rd ranked offense look to put a hurting on Anthony Pizza’s ERA while Soft Spot try to find some winning consistency. Great game to cap off a busy Softball Sunday.

 

See all you beautiful people out there,

Toodles,

– New New Additions

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