Standings

Joe Godsy Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Parkview Scorpions 6 1 .857 115 48
McCarren Hotel Titans 6 1 .857 96 60
St. Anselm 3 3 .500 73 53
Turkey's Nest AT 2 5 .286 50 64
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Parkview Suzies 5 1 .833 55 42
The Bedford Yetis 3 4 .429 62 99
Pete's Candy Store 2 5 .286 73 77
Turkey's Nest 0 7 .000 20 101
 
Joe Fashion Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Gibson 6 1 .857 89 44
Roebling Sports Club 5 2 .714 111 70
Clems 3 3 .500 63 56
The Gutter 86ers 1 5 .167 36 89
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Kilo Bravo 4 2 .667 55 37
Echo Bravo 4 2 .667 69 44
Loggers 2 5 .286 58 83
Carmine's Bombers 1 6 .143 44 102

Schedule

Week 08 - May 22
11:00 Parkview Scorpions @ Gibson 1
Loggers @ The Bedford Yetis 2
1:00 Pete's Candy Store @ Echo Bravo 1
Turkey's Nest @ Kilo Bravo 2
3:00 Carmine's Bombers @ Parkview Suzies 1
Turkey's Nest AT @ Clems 2
5:00 McCarren Hotel Titans @ The Gutter 86ers 1
St. Anselm @ Roebling Sports Club 2

Last Week's Results

Week 07 - May 15
Pete's Candy Store14 @ Turkey's Nest AT 11
Echo Bravo10 @ Roebling Sports Club 5
Loggers11 @ The Gutter 86ers 6
Carmine's Bombers5 @ Clems 12
Parkview Suzies7 @ McCarren Hotel Titans 17
The Bedford Yetis2 @ Parkview Scorpions 26
Kilo Bravo8 @ Gibson 9
Turkey's Nest0 @ St. Anselm 11

Week 4- Recap

Wed, May 1, 2013

YO PEEPS!!!!

Week 4 is in the books and the first month of the 2013 season has come and gone. But, what did we all learn while we shook off the rust and got acclimated to going into Monday hung over, besides getting really good at making up excuses to the boss for why we look like shit? Well, first off we found out that Sam “Blues Clues” Rio is fucking hilarious. His piercing honesty and insulting sincerity on umping should be a studied by the MLB. Secondly, Spike Hill gives runs away like The Gibson bar gives away buy backs. And thirdly, how the WSL website audience loves to read about fictional stories with animated pictures way more than reading about the actual real games played. We have the stats to back that up! But before we jump into May, let’s see what transpired in Week 4…

11AM

Field #1: 3 Kings vs. Turkey’s Teachers (GBlack)

I’m the King of the World!

Just like the police presence at the fields on Sundays has totally vanished, so has 3K’s hitting woes and abandoned base runners. 3 Kings turned the tables and taught the Teachers one long rough lesson this week. The Teachers, who started the game with only 9 players, blinked and it was 20-0 after just 4 innings. Hits were plentiful for the Crowned Ones as Stash McNelis, Thomas “Big L” Santoro, Billy Gruarin and Tommy Kosak all had 5 hits on the day. The Ladies of the Kingdom contributed just as much as the dudes, Joyce Vargas and Francesca Romano had 6 hits combined and were responsible for 6 runs scored! Female balling at its best! And Master of the the teacher’s lounge this week is 2nd baseman Tristan Schwartzman, who went 3-4 with a home run and a couple of RBIs.

WE FOUND THEM! THEY’VE BEEN AT THE NEST THIS WHOOOLE TIME

Very hungover and possible still intoxicated, TNT Pitcher/manager Haz agreed to be interviewed Monday morning. Haz said, “I never contemplated suicide during the game, but did consider finding and killing the guy who didn’t vote for a mercy rule in this league.” He also divulged that after about six…seven..maybe nine really strong Turkey’s Nest screwdrivers, his team regained perspective and insight. “We all realized softball is just a game and even during a blow out game, we are still literally a block away from our sponsor bar.” Well said Haz. Well said.

( 3 Kings- 30 / Turkey’s Teachers- 5 )

Field #2: Gibson vs. Spike Hill  (Shortz)

Clocking in at less than 90 minutes, this morning match may have been the shortest game played in WSL history. Chatting it up with the Gibson gang, they described their performance in one phrase, “Weak bats, solid defense.” They were just happy to have new shirts as they held the Spike Hillians to a measly 14 runs while scoring one whole run of their very own.

Samson vs. Cesar post-game floor mopping contest

It was very clear on the Spike Hill bench that O’Mallery’s letter had fallen upon deaf ears, and he may have to do a bit of SCHEIßE FRESSEN UND SCHLUCKEN ROTZ himself after this non-massacre. Talk about Pa-to-the-thetic, Spike Hill. More importantly, in puppy news, the league would like to welcome Kelly Southerland’s new little pooch, Bill Murray that made his softball mascot debut this Sunday. When reached for comment about the addition, Senator Samson Beef passed gas, as did Kevin Kane.

 

Special highlight as the game balls were changed up in the 5th inning when both teams spent a good couple of minutes beating the phrase “New Ball” to death.

( Spike Hil- 14 / Gibson- 1 )

1PM

Field #1 R Bar vs. Good Co (Shortz)

Although they’re usually known as a great hitting team, RBar’s bats never really got started this week. Defensive woes ensued for the Bums as well, with Good Co’s Nate stretching a single into a double, then into the dreaded in-the-park homer.

Amongst other things, this game marked the “Return of the Pink King”, Andy Mac who stopped in to visit his old team and old high school classmate Jason Merhaut (small world, y’all). As Good Co. huddled up prior to the game, Andy gave his old teammates a moving speech as he declared, “I don’t know half you mother fuckers.”

That single was bullshit, Nat

Natalie Chaquinga’s monster hit over the right field fence (did I not warn you, Pinks?) only counted as a single and at that very moment, I swore to myself that I would tear down those stupid fences with my bare hands in the middle of the night. Good Co. led by two runs going into bottom of ninth, (I cannot confirm this as I heard loud noises coming from the Black Betty/Yetis game and ran over to investigate). RBar was in the power portion of their line-up, leading off with last season’s HR champ, Slappy. The game could have gone either way, but as Rob Lietar cried out “Old Timers Unite!”, The Pinks held them to squeak out the win.

( Good Co- 7 / RBar- 5 )

Field #2: Black Betty vs. Yetis (GBlack)

With Betty desperately searching for that first W of 2013, Commish Holland, not trusting this country’s fairly dependable airline system for some reason, decided to road trip it to NYC from the West Coast to make sure he was here on time to take the mound. After losing his wallet, phone, and all common sense, he ran into a slue of hilarious obstacles. After catching a ride from the wrong people, he narrowly escaped the Iranian human trafficking ring, only to find himself briefly prostituting in Arkansas just for shits and giggles. Then, continued his adventure by promising to deliver a mysterious “package” from Kentucky to New Jersey, obviously ending in a fist fight between him the only man allowed to deliver mysterious”packages”, Jason Statham. Holland won. Finally making it to Manhattan with precious little time, he unapologetically stole a 9 year old girl’s bike and rode into Brooklyn. That, ladies and gentleman, is a man who cares about his team.

Clearly BB caught the Yeti’s sleeping

The Yeti’s, looking to continue keeping their season undefeated, were ready with game faces and solid defense. Things got a bit chippy between the two old school rivals over a new rule, but after the debate was settled, a baseball-like softball game broke out. Tight D and great pitching were on display from both sides. Resting in the dugout after his HR trip around the bases, Yeti Stephen aka Baby Boy, complained how winded he gets running the bases while smoking a cigarette and sipping a beer. That kid is just a natural! Betty held the Yeti’s to 5 runs while being able to string together a couple crooked numbered innings for their first win of the season. Perhaps the sudden boost in morale could be credited to veteran Jon Mirsky for showing up to support the Black!

( Black Betty- 11 / Yetis- 5 )

3PM

Field #1: Clemerica vs. Turkey’s Nest (GBlack)

At press time neither team had made themselves available for comment. Since this game is shrouded in mystery as if it was tucked deep in Breezy’s delicious BBQ beard, it gives us the liberty to just make even more shit up. With TN looking to get on the winning side of thing,  Capt. Jordan ‘Disco’ Heller had devised a sinister plan, wanting to sabotage Clem’s 10 year anniversary BBQ. Jordan successfully hacked into Clemerica’s Mainframe, stole Breezy’s supermarket list and delayed the cooking.

Clem’s BBQ. WE were all there. Where were YOU?

By the way, this is the actual list:
Clem’s 10 year anniversary Big BBQ
40lbs of jerk chix! (Not o’malley’s recipe)
30lbs of brisket
30lbs of pulled pork
20lbs meatloaf patties
Hot dawgs
Corn bread
Collards
Some veggie shit too!

Only stifling the BBQ-ing virtuoso briefly, a Clemerican mandate was given.  Stryker had been ordered to give Jordan and only Jordan a dual dosage of his Flamingo pitching stance.  A brisket sandwich was also secretly delivered to Mike Hogan, who was umping the game. This would explain why Ump Hogan would not grant Jordan’s batter box request for time as the pitcher was “in motion”.  No one is incorruptible when tempted with Breezy BBQ, NO ONE! Despite all of the espionage, Clem’s was the better team on Sunday while Turkey’s continues to try and find its footing.

( Clemerica- 11 / Turkey’s Nest- 3 )

Field #2: Loggers vs. Pete’s (Shortz)

It’s one thing if your team doesn’t hit. It’s another thing entirely if your team doesn’t hit AND the other team has Jake Levine on their roster. Unfortunately for the Loggers, it was the latter. Levine “went yard” twice, the second one a grand slam. Veteran outfielder Ian Fenger caught all the balls while Youtube sensation Sam Rio acted like a complete jerkwad throughout the entire game, specifically over a controversial homerun hit by Tony Basile of the Loggers. Luckily it was all put to rest after the game with a handshake and the promise that Tony would don a Lucador mask the following week for Cinco de Mayo.

As for the Loggers, it was all Brenner’s fault. Even with 3B Mike Saris making an awesome catch by blindly running to where he thought a pop fly was going to land and Kerry Daly owning 2nd base, they just couldn’t hit which cost them the game. Also, it was all Brenner’s fault.

Although they won their game, the “Fireballs” were in utter turmoil as to how to properly mark their at-bats as actual hits or errors. Guess what, Pete’s? It’s slow pitch softball in an alcoholic, bar league- they’re all hits.

( Pete’s- 11 / Loggers- 3 )

5PM

Field #1: AT Allstars vs. Brooklyn Bowl (GBlack)

Bad-Ass banner compliments of Debbie

League patriarch Vinny “OG” Signorelli revealed before this match-up that he has never beaten Mendoza Line (now known as Brooklyn Bowl) in all his years with AT. And those are a lot of years, the man looks great for 80! Sorry Vin, your sharp bullhorn tongue was going to eventually come back and bite you in the ass. So the question is: How do you use delicious home cooked baked ziti as a menacing motivational tool? You station it right behind your team’s bench, that’s how. Using his assortment of horns, Vinny constantly reminded AT throughout the game that if you mess up,”No baked ziti for you!”. The AllStars heard extremely loud and painfully clear. Setting “the table” for the meal, Mickey “Smiles” Rosegrady and Nasty Nate Buchik went a combined 8-12 with 8 runs scored. Scoring in almost every inning, AT’ers hunger would not be denied. AT’s Debbie Wheatley and Rebbeca Hofherr held their own by “wo-manning” first base, while Bowler Christian Ver Halen kept rocketing line drives at them all day. The Bowlers, who were missing a couple of big bats, fought valiantly but were unable to string together enough “spares” or “strikes” in this one, only tallying up 9 runs. The Green and Gold remain undefeated in the tough North Division.

An almost a turning point of the game in the top of 3rd when a strong wind gusted through the Allstar’s dugout, knocking down the Rally Tequila and shattering the beautiful blue bottle. A moment of silence, please. Luckily there was no panic on the bench since Mr. Jack Daniel Honey aka J-Ho had been warming up in the Drunk Tank.

( AT- 20 / Brooklyn Bowl- 9 )

Field #2: Duck Duck vs. 2nd Chance (Shortz)

Ohhhhhhhh, Mayor Buttah, or should I say, Mayor Boogaz? I’ll be needing some fabric options from your betrothed so I can get started on sewing the flower cat dresses for your nuptials. I barely paid attention to your bench, as I was busy chasing Sam around with my damn iPhone, but what I do know is Ms. Mallory Nomack had the game of her life at 2B. Mayor Boogaz had a decent appearance at the plate and in the field and Sgt. Andre DeParma showcased his “terribleh” batting stance, resulting in only one hit.

The Reelerducks (or whatever the funk we’re called now), forgot to bring a game ball to the game, but luckily our failures ended there. New duck Dan Peña, and pseudo-veteran Lauck Blake were a tag-team on the base paths. One time Dan was nearly lapped by Lauck when he hit his first homerun of the season, which would have sucked ducks if that ended poorly. Also, PeteMo played an expert 3B (thanks for that beer) and we all got to spend a little reunion time with mega celebrity/old-school Reeler, Gary Wilmes.

( Duck Duck- 15 / 2nd Chance- 5 )

 “BLUES CLUES”

Here is our latest installment of “Blue’s Clues”. This week we find Sam umpiring the duckduck/Second Chance 5pm game on field #2. With windy conditions, a boring game and the fact that drunk crowds only seem to congregate on field #1 come 5pm, it made for some interesting commentary.

Toodles,

The New Additions

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