Standings

Joe Godsy Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Spike Hill 6 4 .600 122 113
Roebling Sports Club 5 4 .556 86 78
Turkey's Nest 5 4 .556 91 92
AT All-Stars 2 7 .222 67 93
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Gibson 8 1 .889 118 77
St. Anselm 5 4 .556 82 68
R Bar 4 6 .400 104 152
A Bar Runaways 1 7 .125 44 67
 
Joe Fashion Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
The Bedford Yetis 6 4 .600 103 108
Clems 5 4 .556 96 93
Loggers 4 6 .400 89 97
The Gutter 86ers 4 6 .400 121 129
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
3 Kings 8 1 .889 169 60
Kilo Bravo 6 3 .667 102 92
Parkview Scorpions 6 4 .600 118 93
Turkey's Teachers 0 10 .000 78 178

Schedule

Week 11 - Jun 24
11:00 Gibson @ 3 Kings 1
Loggers @ Turkey's Nest 2
1:00 R Bar @ Kilo Bravo 1
AT All-Stars @ The Bedford Yetis 2
3:00 Clems @ A Bar Runaways 1
St. Anselm @ Parkview Scorpions 2
5:00 Roebling Sports Club @ The Gutter 86ers 1

Last Week's Results

Week 10 - Jun 17
The Gutter 86ers14 @ Turkey's Nest 15
Clems9 @ AT All-Stars 2
Loggers13 @ Roebling Sports Club 6
Kilo Bravo4 @ Gibson 9
Parkview Scorpions29 @ R Bar 11
3 Kings0 @ A Bar Runaways 0
The Bedford Yetis16 @ Spike Hill 10
Turkey's Teachers5 @ St. Anselm 11

Week 5 RECAP

Thu, May 5, 2016

Yes…. it was a little wet and rainy… and the fields were not in their best shape (as opposed to all those other times when the fields are perfect) but we got the games in. For those that questioned whether we should play, we want to ask “What would you rather be doing?”. You didn’t miss a beach day. It’s not like you stopped drinking to play ball. In fact, many of you drank more due to the weather. So I guess you can say we helped you drink more this weekend. Are you going to complain about an institution that is enabling or encouraging you to drink more? We got those games in so we didn’t have to worry about rescheduling games later in the season. Speaking of rescheduling, this brings us to the Week 5 Recap Rant which is a new twist on the rant. For this week, we are recapping an actual rant on the WSL Facebook page that was started by Derek “Never Have I” Evers.

Week 5 Recap Rant: So Derek was up late at night doing math and thinking about softball…. Seriously – this is how the story starts…. Derek realized that there is a flaw to the WSL “every team can reschedule one game” policy. And to his credit, he is right that it’s not a perfect formula for scheduling success. It started a wave of other WSLers agreeing with “Never Have I” and adding their thoughts…. and then it took on a life of it’s own. Before we recap the Facebook post, I just want to say that I was at the managers meeting and no one complained about this rule during that meeting but maybe it was discussed separately. I think the rule was intended to help teams that have big events (like someone on the team getting married and everyone going) but maybe it needs to be revised next year. Either way, I have a feeling it will all work out one way or another. We have both God on our side and McNelis running the grounds crew. Games will be played….. Anyway – getting back to the facebook post, here is the play by play… Several people proudly proclaimed their team finds a way to play each week (good start). Some teams proudly said they bat 3 girls (which I’m still not sure how it fits into the rescheduling question). Then Matt Marcus (who I am starting to realize is a master of facebook comments) managed to both comment on the rescheduling rule while explaining that Gerald shouldn’t consider himself the 3rd girl in the line-up while also confirming that he would, in fact, have sex with Gerald. It was like a facebook comment equivalent of an unassisted triple play.

Things got a little heated when current and former AT players started to talk about their bats and a scary Ronald McDonald got involved. That’s when we shifted to a picture-only comment approach to settle our differences. I started with a picture of Trump and Clinton having fun at a party to show that there are two sides to this rescheduling question but both options suck. Then came a picture of Milli Vanilli in a bathtub which shows that both options have positive elements to them as well. Denis then reminded us that we were talking out of our ass. Marcus went right for the kill with a picture of something hanging out of a place it shouldn’t be. We had our usual faces make an appearance and then it started to get a little homophobic (which is not needed)…. Remember guys – we are playing a sport that was originally created for girls 12-18. Of course we are real men…. No need to clarify it. That being said, the picture of Kilo Bravo flexing with their shirts off in front a gay wedding is, in fact, totally queer. Other things happened in this facebook thread but more importantly we came to a very reasonable conclusion to “Never Have I” Evers’ concerns about the schedule and have implemented a better system moving forward…. HA! Just kidding. There is no answer. We are all fucked. Or maybe we just need to have a double header later in the season and it will all work out. Either way, we just want to thank Derek for making the WSL great…. again.

 

11AM

Field #1: Clemerica @ Roebling Sports Club (Nat the Bat)

“It’s gonna be cold.  It’s gonna be gray.  And it’s going to last you for the rest of your life.”  These are the words that ran through my head as I woke for my first Sunday matchup as a Brooklynite.  Yes. It has finally happened, Nat the Bat has left the mean streets of the Upper East Side to join her shipmates in the safe confines of Williamsburg.  Anyways, nobody likes 11am games, least of all Clemericans.  In true form, there was a good showing from the Battleship at the enemy’s lair the night before the big match up.  RSC owner DeSeandra did his very best to rough up the battleship by roofie-ing their jello shots, but to no avail.

The Battleship showed up bright eyed and bushy tailed Sunday morning and cracked open a few bud heavies to get BP going.  As luck would have it, the po-po had nothing better to do then patrol McCarren at 11 am.  The Bash Brothers were unable to evade the law and Bobby and Markow were slapped with 2 drinking violations while Mulligan thanked the softball Gods and got away squeaky clean.  Battleship owner, Clem, stepped in and bailed his shipmates out like any good man should: “No Clemerican left behind”.  Funny enough, in celebration of Clem’s 14th anniversary party, more Clem’s swag made its debut later in the day, including newly minted koozie’s. Rest assured, this Sunday, we will NOT succumb to the fines of the NYPD.

After our brush in with the law, the Clemericans took the first at bat, and came out swinging.  Battleship offense and defense was in high gear, with 10 out of 12 Clemerican’s having multi-hit games and minimal errors. Markow was welcomed back from his one month long hiatus/bachelor party/pre-honeymoon and fell right into the swing of things in the number 4 spot, going 2-4 with 2 home runs.  DBA had a moon shot disrupting the brunch-goers at 5 Leaves, while pretty boy Bobby had a shot of his own.  Resident hound dog, Cujo, ended the Clemerican home run derby w/ a monster shot in the 6th inning, taking the home run count to 5 on the morning.  Last, but definitely not least, Blednick had a perfect day at the plate going 4 for 4.  As far as defense goes, Lance Armstrong has not yet mastered the art of the “flamingo” pitch, however, he “pitched” a gem of a game and held RSC scoreless for 6 innings (until the unfavorable weather conditions took a toll on the defense, it definitely wasn’t the case of Buds we went through).

RSC was gunning for their first win of the season, but had little luck against the boys and gals in black and white. The heckling was in full force from DeSeandra, Clinchy and Shawn, but their bats and gloves were unfortunately not in sync with their mouths.  RSC was able to draw 5 walks on the day, but couldn’t capitalize on the free passes.  Matt Opalack continued his hot streak, going 2 for 3 w/ a sacrifice.  Mark Halling had a good day at the plate as well going 3 for 4 while Jake Hawkins and Shawn “the Policy” Andrew (in his sparkling white baseball pants) both went 2 for 4.

Battleship emerged victorious with a final score of 15-5 and moved the celebration to Clem’s where pulled pork sammys, pork chops, chicken wings and cake awaited. Captain Breezy did not disappoint per usual.   Bud heavies and shots were flowing, and we were even lucky enough to have the lovely DeSEANdra and mama Shortz (baby dick in tow) join us from the Roebling squad (I might add that their mamas did raise them right).  As for the other Roebling folk, you missed out on some goooood eats and lemon drop shots (courtesy of @belmondobond).  Let’s see if the Soft Spot team is as gracious of an opponent.  The party continued into the early hours of the evening and if any of you were around to be at the Gibson “late night”, you would know that the game ball of the day goes to Chelsey “Don’t Fuck With Me” Fitzgerald for taking care of business.  LVP goes to Mulligan for being too nice.

The RSC Remy’s seek their first victory this Sunday against the Runaways. If both these squads show up with their full lineups, I think we can have a purrttyyy good matchup (and not just b/c Chad White is playing).  Clem’s faces off with undefeated and #1 ranked Black Betty. Both squads will be missing some key players this Sunday, but this will definitely be the game to watch.  Uncle Lou, get ready for a smack down.  (kidding kidding, u know i love you! but for reals, its ON!).

(Clems 15 / RSC 5)

 

11AM

Field #2 Loggers @ Kilo Bravo (Alexander P. Dubin Esq.)

So I’m in the midst of my best Homer Wadsworth impression and handing this recap in way too late. But here we go … Loggers. Bravos. RECAP … LIST STYLE!

Things you need to know about the Loggers/Bravos matchup:

1.    Craig “Antiques Roadshow” Heitczman hit a 2 run bomb

2.    Birthday boy, “Pinky and The” Brian B apparently robbed Comfy of 3 home runs

3.    After 4 innings, the Loggers led 4-0

4.    After 5 innings, the Loggers trailed 5-4

5.    After 6 beers, Tony B looks like Toni Braxton

6.    The Loggers would then tie the game at 5

7.    Each team would trade runs to tie up the game at 6

8.    This girl I met on Tinder tied me to the bed, covered me in Hershey’s syrup and did a Kabuki theater interpretation of the Battle of Gettysburg while we watched midget porn

9.    Q shut the Loggers down the rest of the way and freed me from my Civil War/Kabuki bondage  – you can see my work at www.civilwarkabukibondage.com/bukkakebattle

10. Kilo put up 4 unanswered to win the game 10-6

11. Craig is the only one who sent us a recap because Dom is jaded like Mila Kunis in an Aerosmith video

(Loggers 6 / Kilo 10)

 

1PM

Field #1: Three Kings @ Bedford Yetis (Grambo)

“First we conquer the Yeti….. Then we conquer a cheese burger deluxe”

For the Yetis versus the Three Kings this week the Kings were looking to get back on track after a somewhat slow start–and climb back up in the power rankings.

But it wasn’t a slow start to this rainy Sunday, though–the Kings dropped three quick runs on the Yetis–and then their superb D–led by Francesca Romano–held the Yetis to only two runs until the seventh where the game was a close one at 3-2–because Winnie’s gals and guys were just as good in the field–no runs allowed for six innings on the sloppy day.  On the offensive side–the The Bedford had big days from Dave–3/4 with a homer and Steve–who was perfect on the day.  But the Kings were just a bit better–they played a seamless D and were able to tack on a couple Allstates in the ninth to seal the deal.  3 Kings wins 7-4

Next week the Bedford takes on a tough Turkey’s Nest team and Three Kings looks to put a couple together against at the Gibson.

(Three Kings 7 / Yetis 4)

 

Field #2: AT All Stars @ Gibson (Writer formerly known as ….) 

Video from the game – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2Cc6eVHYhg

Talk all you want about how #13 vs #15 is the battle of the irrelevant, but someone still has to win and someone has to lose.  Sunday’s matchup between the Gibbies and ATU was sloppy, disjointed and everything we have come to expect from both squads.  Even though Vinny was late with his shenanigans, proper heckling was able to commence sometime around the top of the 2nd inning.  A-Dos was surprisingly quiet in the other dugout…surprising, but completely understandable.  Here’s why…

After some 5 Boro Bike Tour delays, missing umpires and roster-swapping…the game got underway right around 1:15PM.  Unfortunately for the Gibson, the top of the 1st inning ended sometime around 2pm.  ATU was patient and focused at the plate, en route to putting up a fat 10 spot on the board.  The worst part for the GIbs was that they got the first 2 batters of the inning out!  Soda Pop and super sub Jonathan (what team does he play for anyway) both had 2 hits and 2 RBIs in the frame.  Every single batter for AT scored before the carnage was over.

A-Dos and crew would manage to put 2 runners on in each of the next 3 innings, but couldn’t score until Todd Kovner rocked a solo shot to CF in the 4th (5th on the season – 3 for 4 on the day).  It was a nice hit, but didn’t really move the needle in the game.  At this point the score was 15-1 and the rest of the game was essentially completed on cruise control.  Marcin Smolinski did a nice job in relief, slowing the the ATU offense down to a crawl over the final 6 innings.  Ado had the defensive play of the game, robbing a 2-out hit away from Justin with the bases loaded in the 7th on a ball that was laced up the middle. A-dos also almost ripped Gerald’s head off with a laser right at his gorgeous locks so we assume he is 100% back after this early season injury. The Gibson also debuted a new 3rd baseman – Joe Talent (real name) – who went 3 for 4 with an RBI.

Those poor Gibbies remain defeated on the season, moving to 0-5 and surrendering a league-high 98 runs.  They have a date with a rather schizophrenic Three Kings team next Sunday, so you never know.  After the Loggers and Nest both lost on Sunday, AT United is now right in the Fashion South mix again.  Nobody seems to want to take control of the division, so it should be an interesting couple of months for that group.  Next Sunday they get the Pinks, who have not been kind to the WSL since losing on opening day.  If Gerald can keep those bats hot, an upset is not out of the question.

(AT 20/ Gibson 5)

 

3PM

Field #1: Spike Hill @ Turkeys Nest Teachers (Alexander P. Dubin Esq.)

Haz is not pleased. Mike O’Malley didn’t do a recap. I didn’t pay enough attention to the game to recap it properly, myself. Here comes the thunder …

The Teachers had multiple no-shows, so Aaron from Gibby and John “See” from AT filled in … undercover. When O’Malley found out, it was on! But that lasted for about an inning and then just faded away. It was off! Someone named Mike went 4-4 with a homer and Dave Martin“i” went 3-4 and pitched a hell of a game.

On the Spike side, I remember two things from this game: 1) Morgan “Real World/Road Rules Challenge” Oughton made every play in the field and hit a bomb over the left fielder’s head, and 2)  Steve “Mas Fina” Mina literally went something like 5-5 with a DEEP homer into the trees in right and at least 6 RBI.

And now, a public service message to the Teachers from Haz:

“Notice has gone out to my squad that no shows will NOT be tolerated and many roster changes will result as we look to play like the team I think we really are. I hate Spike Hill. I hate that that collection of smug buttholes beat us. This will not stand. I swear to god, if we have an attendance bitch-out like this again, I’m gonna start using Game of Thrones as a reference point for punishing you motherfuckers.”

(Spike Hill 26  / TNT 10)

 

3PM

Field #2: Turkey’s Nest @ R Bar (Curt Shilling)

Both teams entered the game missing key players which coupled with the weather reduced the fanfare you might associate with two of the top teams in the Fashion division squaring off for an early season battle. RBar got the scoring started when John Rocchio hit a bomb that’s still in the air somewhere over Staten Island. The Nest tied it up in the 2nd but then R Bar has a 3rd inning where they played 3 runs lead by an RBI double from Rocchio and an RBI single by fan favorite Bubbs Connors. The Nest came charging back in the 5th to take a 7-4 lead and it started to look like the Nest might find a way to pull out an upset win but R Bar quickly put those dreams to bed when they tied the game back up in the 6th and opened up a 5 run lead in the 7th. Both teams would tack on another run each and R Bar would hold on for the win.

John Rocchio finished the day with 2 home runs, a double and 5 RBIs while Adam added his own home run while reaching base safely in all 4 at bats. DLo had a great day in the field and also contributed 2 hits of her own.

(Nest  8 / R Bar 13)

 

5PM

Field #1: SoftSpot Runaways @ Gutter 86ers (Grambo)

The Soft Spot Runaways were looking to make it two in a row versus in the Godsy North with a late day soggy slippery rainy crappy cold match with the Gutter 86ers.  The 86ers were coming off of an anemic offensive performance versus Clem’s in week four. So what happened?

Well, Buttah’s 86ers were able to bring the O–more than doubling their output from the week four loss. D-O had a solid day at the plate, if not on the base-paths, and the 1-4 of the lineup was solid–hanging with or leading the Runaways the whole game. And they brought it in the field, too- Captain Al was holding it down in right field, for example–he robbed at least three Runaway lefty/oppo hits–including a brilliant grab off of Jason Fellini Dietz’s ball that was headed for a three run homer before becoming the sno portion of Buttah’s sno-cone catch.

But the Runaways were hot–they came out of the gate hot scoring four in the first frame. Once again, Sam’s lineup construction is on point–the one thru five of that lineup is just on fire–James, Mike G, Chad, Cesar, and Mikey B (who continued his run at the HR crown with another moon shot) all had multiple hits, while swing man Ian in the twelve hole got the ‘top’ started early four times.  Cesar is on pace for 48 sac fly RBI–which we’ll just declare would be a WSL record–and Chad is on pace for about 175 RBI after adding five in week five. The real star, though, was the defense–play of the game came in the seventh–a line drive shot from the 86ers looked poised to score Dave Osbourne from second easy, but Mike G threw a dart to Christine Vu at home, who held on through a barreling D-O for the beautiful play–getting out of the inning and saving the run.  And that wasn’t all for the Runaway outfield–bottom nine, D-O on first and solid hit fly ball to Greg in right–and the runner goes on the catch–perfect line drive throw to Fellini Dietz at second ends the game and seals the victory for Soft Spot, 15-12.

Next week has the Runaways getting the RSC while the 86ers are going to stay home and hang out with their mommies…

(Runaways 15 / 86ers 12)

 

Field #2: St. Anselm @ Black Betty (Kevin Belz)

By the time 5 o’clock rolled around the fields were pretty shitty and the kickballers were in their glory…. rolling around in the mud listening to some 90s hiphop, not giving a shit.  It wasn’t really a great day for sports but as we sport junkies know, it takes a lot more than some puddles and mud to make us stay home and get zooted all day. We can do that in the WSL!  Stosh is out there bustin his big ass feet all over the field, shakin’ and rakin’, linin’ and dinin’….Clyde Frasier, everyone…..he got the fields prepped and ready for action and the Facebook posts of GET YOUR ASS TO THE FIELD began.

The contest between these two perennial teams for the past 35 years has been decidedly Impose heavy in the last few.  They kept beating Betty year after year, but never met ‘em in the playoffs. (Thanks, H!)  The Bettyballers were wondering ‘why can’t we beat this team of Imposers?’ and they were saying to themselves ‘Whoa…we are owning this team.’  Well, Sunday was shitty as fuck outside and the ‘drama’ was ‘meh’.  No Godsy.  No Holland.  No Kate. It still was kinda close but then a Southerner got involved and things got messy.

In the top of the first, the Betty’s held the StAnselmers to 3 ABs and 3 outs.  In the bottom, the Betty railed off 6 runs with big hits by all as they went through the order getting everyone an AB after 1.  The Saints battled without their Big Bat Bort.   Derek and the Hoff rattled a shit ton of hits, one being a superb triple (HR?) by Does-he-Evers get out’ who hit a ball up the middle with such accuracy it seemed to skip across the ‘lawn’ and evade the Betty OF’ers with a seeing eye.  In the middle innings things were tight at 11-8 and it seemed the game could be a barnburner.   Or as Pete said ‘It was an OK game.  I got to throw a Gatorade against the fence.”

Pete’s referring to the controversial visit to the Umpire Pit by Clemerican Bobby Shroder- Maxwell mid-game as the Betty’s started pulling away in the 7th or 8th inning. Black Betty Rookie Julio was as a man possessed at the plate with a perfect 5 for 5 day spraying hits all over the field but it was the Maxwell incident that got people talking….  (Luckily, everyone remembers this and not the part where the Betty’s thought the game was over after 8 innings and lined up for high-fives, as the incredulous Imposers took the field for the bottom of the 8th.)  After a late big inning rally by the Black, the Angry Atlantian took to haggling the Dubinator, the Umpire Du Jour behind him and the plate.  Pete didn’t like what he was seeing and let his official know how he felt.  The Gatorade was tossed, the Imposers were pissed and everyone was getting REAL pissy, REAL fast.

Things settled down like the normally do, Dubin was like WTF JUST HAPPENED?, Pete was like DID YOU SEE ME TRASH THAT GATORADE JUG? And Bobby was like “I’m not the problem man… It’s the system that’s fucked up” and then yelled “SPOS”.

The Betty’s face Clems next weekend, so one can only assume Bobby will be suspended for one game, to be served immediately.  Holland has the paperwork drawn up and scanned to PDF, but Breezy will not reply to any texts or calls or posts on BBQ chat rooms Holland has found in his free time carousing with Nikkie Sixx and going to European version of Medieval Times.  I was a little disappointed to see Nikki say Midevil, but I’m sure she knew that’s not how you spell it.  

Impose has no one next week because this league and its ONE WEEK OFF RULE is too controversial to continue.  But we have lives people!  We can do other things!  We just can’t let our teams down.

(St. A 13 / Black Betty 21)

 


 

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