Standings

Joe Godsy Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Turkey's Nest 7 5 .583 118 117
Spike Hill 7 5 .583 143 145
Roebling Sports Club 6 5 .545 124 104
AT All-Stars 3 9 .250 101 133
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Gibson 9 3 .750 147 108
St. Anselm 7 5 .583 114 89
R Bar 5 8 .385 127 190
A Bar Runaways 1 10 .091 65 126
 
Joe Fashion Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
The Bedford Yetis 8 5 .615 144 144
Clems 7 5 .583 125 117
The Gutter 86ers 5 7 .417 149 152
Loggers 5 8 .385 119 133
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
3 Kings 11 1 .917 220 76
Kilo Bravo 8 4 .667 150 119
Parkview Scorpions 8 5 .615 149 116
Turkey's Teachers 0 12 .000 92 218

Schedule

Week 14 - Jul 22
11:00 St. Anselm @ The Bedford Yetis 1
Parkview Scorpions @ AT All-Stars 2
1:00 Turkey's Teachers @ Turkey's Nest 2
3:00 Clems @ R Bar 1
The Gutter 86ers @ Gibson 2
5:00 A Bar Runaways @ Loggers 1
Kilo Bravo @ Roebling Sports Club 2

Last Week's Results

Week 13 - Jul 15
WSL Women's League0 @ WSL Women's League 0
Loggers13 @ R Bar 7
Clems3 @ St. Anselm 8
A Bar Runaways0 @ The Gutter 86ers 0
The Bedford Yetis3 @ Gibson 10
Turkey's Teachers7 @ AT All-Stars 14
A Bar Runaways0 @ Roebling Sports Club 0
Kilo Bravo15 @ Spike Hill 16
Parkview Scorpions4 @ Turkey's Nest 13

Make Out Week – RECAP

Wed, Sep 2, 2015

I’m never bar tending again- NEVER!

 Hopefully everyone got their party on to help Condon raise money for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society on Saturday and had a wicked gnarly make out sesh on Sunday. Are your lips chapped and blistered? Good. Real Good.

 

11AM

Field #1: Black Betty @ Turkey’s Nest () 

“We did receive word from God on what we should take care of first…Get all our guys to the damn field.”

“The midseason gamble that your missing players will be available and that other team’s will not in late August.”

Oh boy…this was certainly prophetic.

Both teams were pulling a double shift for make out week, but with entirely different story lines. The Nest hasn’t really needed to play for a month, after wrapping up their division early and not having much at stake down the stretch. The Betty Bunch, conversely, were looking at an outside chance of taking their own division crown on Sunday. Needless to say, they brought the entire arsenal out to the park Sunday. At one point, I looked at the Betty BENCH and it was a who’s who…Holland, Levine, Supe, AK, Leo…etc. Embarrassment of riches!

After the classic “bloop and a blast” routine by Belz and Camarra in the first inning, the Nest appeared to be in trouble from the jump. Before too long, the Betties were comfortably in command and coasting to victory. Jake Levine had a strong day at the plate, driving in a handful of runs with his masterful avoidance of the Turkey shift. Camarra gapped a laser for his 2nd homer of the day, then Big Dave followed it with a mammoth shot that fell just short of home plate on field 2.

Coach Jordisco pieced together a competitive, albeit shorthanded, Turkey’s Nest lineup that never really had an answer all game. Weekend at Mitchies was the sole proprietor of Nest Offense, Inc., as he had a multi-(solo)-homer day at the plate. Lots of stranded runners and hard hit outs plagued the Turks in this one. They kept Betty reasonably within reach for most of the day, but never got the big hit to actually make it a game.

Black Betty needed 2 wins and some help to get their division title and this was step one in the quest. The Nest needed to stay healthy and have some fun. Mission accomplished for both teams! On to game 2…and glory!

On a snacks front, Holland bought me an iced coffee prior to the game. Not sure if he laced it with Melatonin or something, but it was appreciated nonetheless. The rest of you did not bring me snacks…bummer.

(Black Betty 12 / Turkey’s Nest 3)

Field#2: Crown Vic 86ers @ AT United(Homer Wadsworth)

We’re better than you! And we know it. (SIGN UP NOW)

The makeup schedule was set. Not everyone was thrilled but here was the week everyone made plans for because it never rains during the summer and teams can always field enough players for 21 weekends a summer? Wrong. If you wanna be a dick and postpone your game, this is your week to show up!

ATU took the field on this day looking for a sentimental send off to a true WillyB legend and tent bringer, and Vuvuzela aficionado Vinny, who is moving to Tullum, Mexico full time. If you Google Tullum, the images are convincing enough. What Vinny really wants is to have everyone from the WSL down to Mexico for ‘Spring Training’. C’mon everyone! Let’s make this league weird in international waters! I got $50 that says Linder loves this idea!

The 11AM game started out big for ATU with hits by PeteMo, Phrank, and most definitely a rejuvenated and rejoicing Justin, who after a long vacation with his honey pie was ready to get dirty on the diamond and post-season prepared. MilesVP from the 86ers faced his Papa Vinny in the 5th and lined a friendly father-son hit to right to make this league even more special. “I love you too, Pepsi.” I mean, I always think BabyBoy was born either on Field 1 or under the lights of the kickball field when Winnie was rollin’ in Dubin-town. I’ll go with ‘conceived’ since I know Winnie really well and I know how he chicken rolls.

Crown Vic’s 2-3-4 guys scored 6 runs and the Q had a Homer and more than a few beers. That’s actually in the book! A few eyewitnesses recall him hitting a QSMASH over everyone’s heads and yelled “TOO HARD…JUST TOOO HARD” repeatedly as he rounded the bases cracking up anyone in earshot.

The big play of the game came late at the 86ers tried to score and got thrown out by an all All-Girl play (insert additional Dubin joke here) that involved Shelly “POTW21 Murder Witness”, and Moira “GoodFoYa” Tuohy from ATU who made the tag and lastly, a call from WSL’s prodigal daughter Megan MCLyte, who saw the tag, made the call, took the abuse, and was paid $55 instead of $60 (Get it? Because she’s a woman!). Nothing says “Yay, Umpiring!” like whiny softballers who don’t like a call. As I’m sure Meg realizes now, this phenomenon is called EVERY GIVEN SUNDAY  by many of the other umps.

The United had a chance to take the game with the top of the lineup due up, but squandered said opportunity and opted to try to instead win with defense. Derp. In the end, the 86ers capitalized as DO3 hit the ice cream single to put his team up in extras. ATU answered and got Justin to 3rd in the bottom part of the inning to make things interesting but it didn’t happen. Crown Vic won and looked forward to their 1PM matchup with Gerald behind the plate and the Betty on Field 2. (foreshadowing…)

(Crown Vic 86ers 11 / AT United 10)

 

1PM

Field#1: Turkey’s Nest @ The Runaways () 

Start winning or stop using our name!

Can somebody file a missing persons report for this game? There were some familiar faces, but both squads were missing large pieces of their identity on Sunday. Playing without the WSL version of Waldorf and Statler (JL & Shafer) is always disappointing for the Turks. Not only for their majestic flyouts, but for the obvious comedic value they provide in the dugout. Luckily for the Nesters, the Runaways decided to leave most of their squad at home or in quarantine or whatever. I mean…the fans pay good money to see Chad White, amirite?

The Runaways had barely enough to not forfeit (imagine that) and had to pick up Franny and Joey from Three Kings just to fill out a lineup card. Those 2, along with James, were probably the only brights spots for L’Orange on Sunday. Francesca was running down balls in left field and Joe was playing a masterful hot corner, while James locked down SS and hit a 2-run homer late in the game. The real highlight was Karl from the Nest trying to entertain the crying baby on the Runaways bench. What a gracious competitor!

As for the Turks? I can’t exactly recall most of the offensive highlights, as we were all weary from 2 games in the late August heat. I believe Mitch hit another bomb and Breving was locked in like he always is. Jenn, Trish and Maddy were all their usual fantastic selves at the plate. Sean controlled all the action at 3B and hit like crazy, while DB twirled a gem on the bump.

I guess the Runaways were playing for a chance at the 7 seed in the Fashion bracket and a potential rematch of this game in round 1. With the loss, they earned a date with R Bar and their 18-runs-per-game offense. The Turks were set with the 2 seed since July. Now they know they’ll be facing the Gibson, who have lost a staggering 13 straight games…and still managed to not be the worst in league.

Note: No snacks were provided before, during or after this game. *sadface*

(Turkey’s Nest 15 / The Runaways 4)

Field#2: Crown Vic 86ers @ Black Betty (Homer Wadsworth)

BB only won because they distracted Sgt. Dre with a butt load of cats!

So the stage was for a big Field 2 matchup between Black Betty and the Crown Victoria. After the Betty’s finished their 11AM game against the Nest (see above for results) and the Vic finished up in extras against ATU (also above), the last game of the regular season had some implications on the line. Each team had a win under their belts, so another win could only be better? Right? What if they both win?!?! Can someone develop an app for this please?!?!? Isn’t that your job, H? 

Pretty much all day, everyone was busting out their phones looking at an outdated graph that had them in the same seed as last week. But sooo many things needed to happen before anything could really be decided. Everyone was in for a day! If either team won, there were still some long shots that still needed to play out at 3PM that might put either at the top of the division or with a higher seed or right where they were last week. But first someone needed to win this last one.

The game started out with rookie Lou ‘The Harrison Kid’ Giagrande on the hill for the Black where he held the Sixers to 1 run through 6 innings. He couldn’t quell the bat of DO3, as the 2spot-dude introduced a Peralta-like running start to things and racked up his winnings on Lou in some other column.

The 86ers starting pitcher, JD$, gave up some base-on-balls to some patient Betty batters and couldn’t stay out of trouble, walking the bases juiced a few times in the early frames. Oddly, the Betty didn’t capitalize and only scored 5 runs, but went into the late innings with an 8-3 lead. The middle innings went kinda quiet on both sides as the teams baked in the late August sun….however, GBlack “Hold for Me” was there to put his own spin on things to keep it entertaining. Once the Vic brought the score to 8-3 they knew they were in position to put the pedal to the mettle and maybe make a run for it with the old leadoff hitting right before the new leadoff (didn’t this just happen at 11AM?).

In the top of the 9th, anchorman Jeff ‘Why Would I Miss A Doubleheader?’ Gutowski got on base to lead off the inning against relief Betty pitcher and NJ yoga champ JB$. The 3 and 4 hitters Jimmy ‘21st Century Harrison Kid’ Quiggs and QEWBACCA had some big knocks to keep the Vic engine running getting the lead down to 3, but time was running out and the Black curtain was coming down fast.

It came down to the new dude from Riverdale, Dylan ‘McKay’ (more Harrison?), coming to the plate as the tying run with 2 down in the 9th. The $Maker got Dylan to fly out to RCF to end the game and the season with some potential scenarios still to play out. Impose couldn’t lose to the Berry Parkers and vault the Betty to the 2nd seed AND the Division title, or could they? Oh, make up week you hideous bitch goddess, you.

(Crown Vic 86ers 5 / Black Betty 8)

3PM

Field #1: Clemerica @ Enids (Shortz)

Finally…A GAME OF THE WEEK CORRECTLY PREDICTED.

After I arrived late and witnessed Natalie (POTWRU20) flip off my Lounge Chair (POTW20), I settled in to watch what I thought would be a Pink slaughterhouse five.

Holy shit was I wrong.

At first glance, Clem’s were already up 6-0 in the 3rd inning, on hits by Kelly (3/5 with a HR), Breezy (4/5), Bobert (3/5 with 2 HRs), Markow (4/5 with a HR) and DBA (3/4 with a SAC). But 6-0 is nothing in softball. Hell, my team blow bigger leads than that for breakfast. But the Enid’s squad was looking not themselves. Their liners screamed directly into the gloves of the Clem’s infield; their defense was shotty (except for the efforts of Stacy and Czr’s “THAT’S HOW YOU CATCH!” compelling turn behind the dish) and they all looked grumpy, which coupled with the Pink ensembles is like a child watching a Disney Princess take a ‘Tina’ break.

After tacking on 6 more runs in the 5th-7th innings (to the Pinks’ measly 2), and Devan laying out a perfect belly flop catch to end the 7th inning with bases loaded, Clem’s were jonesing…for more runs. They immediately got their fix in the top of the 8th with 6 more runs to make it 18 on the day. Enid’s closed the gap in the bottom half with 3 runs by Wally, KT, and Stacy, and 3 more in the bottom of the 9th, scored by Shirtless, Allen (POTW nominee going 3-3 with a walk and a HR), and Czr, but the Pink whale could not overpower the Breez-hab and this battleship.

 

(Clemerica 18 / Enids 7)

Field #2: Berry Park @ Impose (Shortz)

Well this turnout was a pleasant surprise.

Impose, I know you all feel boocaked on, but I promise I’m not hatin’. You’ll crush many softball dreams in the coming weeks, but these Yetis are really turning it out under their new leadership and deserve their props.

Led by Toolan (3/4 with a HR and a SAC), Joey (2/4 with a HR and a SAC), and John Clemente (4/4- too perfect for the 9-spot), the Yetis deactivated the Impose defensive shield early on to tack on 8 runs in the first few frames.

Down 13-2 by the 5th inning, many were wondering if Pizza was having the game of his life on the mound, or if Impose’s new attire was responsible for their sudden adversity to winning (it was a little bit of both). 

The Yetis put on some pretty solid defense, the only Imposers they couldn’t stop in their tracks were Palma “Covers no man’s lands in RF like a BOSS” (2/3 with a walk, a triple and 2 RBIs) and Christian Van Helsing (3/5 with a double). But they could not close the gap to less than 10 runs and drops them a seed.

It’s worth noting that Impose were sans their 1,2,3 and 5 hitters who systematically dismantled Black Betty last week.

So what does this upset mean for the standings?

Well, I spun you tales of who goes where and the only thing I was right about was the 6th and 7th seeds. The Halle Berry Parkers will now Quickstep with The Not-So-Mighty Bedford, while we’ll Lambada (the forbidden dance) with our frenemies, Black Betty. Meanwhile Impose goes from 4th to 5th seed and will make out with their regular season broom handlers, Crown Vic.

(Berry Park 14/ Impose 4)

 

5PM

Field#2: The Bedford @ R Bar (Alexander P. Dubin Esq.)

Well, that was a lot of build-up for not much performance (anti-giggidy), as R Bar thoroughly dominated the Brunchers this past Sunday, defeating The Bedford, 16-2. R Bar was all about clutch hitting in this one, as they scored their first 10 runs with 2 outs, 8 of them while Pebbles and Bam-Bam were doing a cover shoot for Matching American Flag Paraphernalia Magazine and the next 2 while Mikey “Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack; All Dressed in Black, Black,” Black (with silver buttons, buttons, buttons; all down his back, back, back) drew a charcoal picture of Richie “Footsteps Falco” Formato, motoring around the bases in a Borat-style full body thong (MIND-BONER!). Not to be outdone, Josh “The Oblivious Snow Crab” had a massive 3 run bomb to right center, burning a reporter who shall remain nameless, but who, I have been assured, really enjoys playing Candyland. And let us not forget the other 3 run dinger by “Alvin, Simon … THEODORE” Browne, truly breaking the game open in the 7th.

Lastly, there’s Bubbs. I thought we were close. I thought we were cool. I thought we were bros in the most awful, northeast university, frat house sense of the word. But then you take advantage of the high strike zone and K me, not once (on a foul out) but TWICE (looking the second time). A backwards softball K?! My wife left me! Some other guy’s wife left me! EVERYONE LEFT ME! I am no longer a man in the eyes of Donald Trump and Kevin Kane. FUCK!

Though the Brunchers saved a little face by putting up 2 runs to avoid the shutout, this game was all Ah Bah. If these two teams meet again, it can only be in the Championship. R Bar looks to be on course for the big game, while the Brunchers will need to regroup and pick it up if they want a shot at a third title.

Finally and of most import, there was a stunning girl in Roebling after the game but that’s all I know. If only I were as hot as Sexy Steve Mina, Sexy Mike O’Malley or Hung Like a Brontosaurus DJ Dino, I might have done some more investigating, however our tots had arrived and they had bacon bits on them and as Mike “Baco” Camarra can tell you, I am USELESS when in the presence of the food of the Gawds.

 

Esquire … OUT!

 

(The Bedford 2 / R Bar 16)

 

WSL Player of the Week is… RIP Shortzy’s Lounge Chair!!!

Player of the Week has been cancelled due to a MURDER! The WSL community was rocked to its core this Sunday, when I made the grisly discovery that my lounge chair, POTW20, was murdered while in the care of one Kevin Belz. 

After a futile attempt to administer CPR at the Gibson, Chair was pronounced DOA at approximately 5:30pm.

There were many nervous whispers from those around me who had know for a full hour that my chair was deceased but had not come forward with said information. But once the cat was out of the bag, the fingers were pointing, KEVIN! KEVIN! KEVIN BROKE YOUR CHAIR!”.

Kevin Belz. My friend. The man whose hands I (well, Andrew) put my chair’s life into so I could kiki it up with Belz’ GF. Sure we would play each other in the first round of the playoff and the loss of my beautiful lounge chair would certainly unhinge me, but something didn’t feel right. Especially when Kevin started crying, “I WAS SET UP”. I haven’t seen him cry since they cancelled The Mindy Project. So I put my detective skills to work from my many years of experience in watching my Law & Order stories.

First of, motive: As I thought back to who Chair had pissed off one person came to mind. POTWRU20, Natalie ‘Dat Ass’. She did flip off my chair earlier in the day. But Clem’s alibied her at…Clem’s.

Then there’s means: Kevin was actually in the chair when it broke. A closer look showed the COD to be blunt force trauma to one of the connector thingys. Kevin’s position did not match the trajectory of the break, so it would have to be someone near by, who’s also on Black Betty and wanted to see me unhinged- Holland. He was at the drunk tent at the time of the crime and was acting wicked suspicious.

And lastly, opportunity: Bobert was being helpful…A little too helpful, especially pointing out that a former POTW would have no reason to take out one of their own. Methinks Bosert is just a crazy fucking weirdo who wanted to knock someone around and also could’ve been insecure that Chair would win Player of the Year, or “POTY”.

In lieu of flowers, I ask for any leads on my chair’s murderer as well as condolences to be sent in HAIKU form to wsleditorial@gmail.com.

This Recap Sponsored By… 

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