Sunday capped a fabulous season with close games, a new champion, and a SICK party that no one complained about (to my face). If you missed the party, you also missed the best End of Season Video the WSL has ever seen, made by America’s greatest partnership, Mortz Productions (it’s based off our names, stoopids). Morgan, you are a goddamn angel. Stay weird.
Click on the image for our video, and read on for your final recaps of the season.
And if you can actually make it down the end, there’s a nice note from moi.
Field #1: Crown Vic 86ers @ Black Betty (Homer Wadsworth)
Championship Sunday. A day where dreams are realized and memories are forever solidified into Erik P photos and some fancy pants hardware. But to get to the promised land some teams had to beat some good comp to find themselves at the big dance. Field 1 featured a South division rivalry that lasted all year and consistently ended with the Betty over the upstart Vics. Oddly, when googling upstart I found out upstart is not actually a word! Go figure!
The contest was tight with great defense, stupendous pitching, and lacked the big hit both teams were looking for. The Betty got on board early and the Vic came right back with a QSMASH that sailed behind the fence over the field 2 first base bench. This would be the only score on the day for the Vic and wouldn’t be enough to match the Betty’s onslaught of 2 runs.
Honestly, defense was the order of the day and over 7 double plays were recorded in various forms, some traditional, some mistake driven. Both teams had multiple runners in scoring position with 2 outs and both pitchers, Nat and the ephemeral JB$, kept the game close by retiring potential threats for all 9 innings.
The game was close and almost boring, so both sides decided to chirp it up complaining about the delay in waiting for big lefty bats to finish hitting on the other diamond. No one really cared. It’s just fun to talk shit and Dre never disappoints.
In the bottom of the 9th, the Betty’s got MikeC on board with 1 out and over to 2nd on a deep sac to left by Principal Pretto. What followed was a perfect bloop hit from EH Steve ‘yo, where’s my pizza at?’ Peralta that easily scored Camarra and sent the Betty’s to an unprecedented and never to be matched 10th consecutive Finals appearance.
In a league that’s gotten a lot better with the whole parity thing (I swear I never said parity so much in one summer) the Black have some postseason magic mojo they break out every September and sprinkle over the fields at McCarren. No surprise Mr Black himself and Jessie showed up to voice their support. They bleed black and always come out of the woodwork for Black Sunday.
It’s been a great summer mailing in these write ups and I want to give a shout out to Kate Dehnel from Impose who made my summer by getting me a new job and something to do during weekdays and throughout the winter that doesn’t involve recapping co-ed softball games. The power of this league is stronger than you think and the possibilities are endless if we put our heads together. Well, maybe with the exception of naming your team after bukaakke. Thanks for the mammories!
(Crown Vic 86ers 1 / Black Betty 2)
Field #2: Enids @ R Bar (Alexander P. Dubin, Esq.)
Enid’s opened up the game hot, jumping out to an early 2 run lead but R Bar answered with 3 in the bottom of the 1st to take the lead. The Pinks would strike right back, however, plating a run in the 2nd to knot the game up at 3 apiece. Not to be outdone, Bubbs singled in a run in the 3rd and R Bar regained the lead, 4-3. The scoring would continue in the 4th, as Enid’s scored 3 more, only to have R-Bar respond in the bottom half of the frame with 2 runs of their own, scored on a Jason Merhaut bases loaded walk and a run which scored on a slick double play turned by Enid’s with no one out. After 4, this semifinal stood at a 6-6 stalemate.
The teams decided to take the next 3 innings off (offensively) but then came the 8th inning and the start of one of the best non-porno finishes of all time. In the top of the inning, Enid’s would score 1 run to take a huge lead late in the game and making things worse for R Bar, the Pinks would go on to load the bases later in the inning with no outs. Let’s recap: R Bar, down 1, top 8th, bases loaded, no one out. Ok, we continue. Shirtless grounds it back to Bubbs, who fielded and threw home for the force out. 1 down. Nothing super-special or spectacular had happened in the game to this point. It had been hard-fought and well-played but not especially noteworthy for any individual play or effort. Well boys and girls, that was about to change.
Bases loaded, 1 down, 8th inning, 1 run game and Drew hits a one-hop double-seeking MISSILE to the right side; surely this would mean at least 2 more runs for the Pinks … BUT WAIT … what’s that? Between 1st and 2nd … With the pony tail and yoga pants for some reason?
“Is it a bird?” – No, of course it’s not a bird. I just told you people it had a pony tail and yoga pants. What’s the matter with you? PAY ATTENTION!
“Is it a plane?” Seriously? A plane? You think it could be a plane? An AIRplane … standing between 1st base and 2nd base, with a pony tail and yoga pants? What in the hell kind of airline have you been flying?! What in the name of Zeus’ BUTTHOLE is wrong with you?! NO! No, it was not a fucking airplane. You completely ruined what was supposed to be a witty rhetorical question. Nice job, dicknose.
Anyway, it was actually Pebbles and she was about to perform her two-part, one-woman mini-feature that I like to call, “The D-Lo Show” or “The D-Show” for short.
If you recall, when last we left our story, a screamer had just been struck off Drew’s bat, headed for certain extra base/RBI land but then it happened … the first of the two biggest defensive plays in R Bar history (Source: R Bar Hall of Records and Pyromania). Pebbles, half-kneeling, somehow corralled the hardest hit ball in history on the shortest of all short-hops, and, in one fluid motion, threw home to force the second out of the inning. Wow. Softball boner. Softboner. Wait … no … not that. Something else. Whatever. Just … Wow.
But Enid’s still had another shot and sent pressure player, Czr to the plate to try and drive in a couple insurance runs to supplement their slim 1 run lead. Next thing you know … another BULLET to the right side and this one is driven on a line. One might even have described the ball as a lined drive of some sort. Surely, this ball was the harbinger of the dreaded late inning, multi-run cushion for the Pinks … BUT WAIT … no … no, it couldn’t be. THAT’S D-LO’S MUSIC! Act 2 of the D-Show?! The very next play?! That’s right, e-readers. This time, however, there was no short-hop with which Pebbles had to contend; she merely had to rise 2-to-9 feet off the ground and snag the ball out of the freakin’ stratosphere as the R Bar fielders and bench went BERZERKONUTS!! The D-Show got so high up to snag this ball that the damn thing was damp from having skimmed the freaking clouds! With 2 Outs! With the bases loaded! WITH YOGA PANTS!
(Enids 7 / R Bar 8)
Field #2: North All-Stars @ South All-Stars (Shortz)
Chick pitchers icing their shoulders? All-boy infield looking like a L’Oreal ad? Damn, this All Star game was no joke. A-DOS’ tunes were a-spinning and Dubin was manning the “BJ booth” like the rent was due.
The womenfolk had some stellar defense, notably Nat DAT ASS who looked totally “street” when she made a diving catch in the OF off Bobert’s wimpy blooper, and by stupid good pitching by Clinch, and especially Shelly, who struck out Quiggs, Chad, and Phillpe in quick succession.
Unfortunately, their offense did not cry “up the league minimum of women to 3!”. They only managed to plate 1 run in the 4th inning scored byWSL newber Steph Gall, knocked in by either Sam, Katie Frencher, Cecila or Avie, all who got on base.
The boys plated 4 to win and got their requested face slaps from the womenfolk. You guys seriously suck at making bets.
According the boy coach Dan “Amber Alert” Shafer, “The
girls WOMEN played great. It sucks for all their fans that they only lost due to superior coaching”. Ooof- someone has a death wish. Dissing the only two girls in the league with whom I’d never pick a fight. And now your assistant coach Rio is now pissed at the prospect of get his ass beat by proxy.
(Boys 4 / WOMEN 1)
Field #2: Black Betty vs. R Bar (Shortz)
As the clock struck 3pm, the McCarren Park air was electric with softball tension and Pocky. The crowd was filling in along the 1st base line, not sure who to root for; the team that always makes it to the final round or the team making their Championship debut….but also beat the shit out of every team in the league the season. R Bar. Definitely R Bar.
The he first 3 innings played out like a MLS game, with no runs on the board. R Bar broke through in the 4th on a 3-run bomb by home run champion runner-up, John Rocchio (2016 is yours!).
With Bubbs throwing up goose eggs, almost as if he was able to freeze time right before the Bettys swung, and moved his pitched ball two inches higher (aka “the Evie” from the 80′s sitcom classic, Out of This World), the Betty remained scoreless until the 6th inning, when Principal Pretto’s sac fly knocked in Speedy Camarra. But R Bar saw their 1 run and raised them 1 in the bottom half, highlighted by an RBI single by Pete (as his South Carolina family cheered him on) and a RBI double by Bubbs.
Mind you, all of this was being texted to me over at The Bedford, where I was putting the finishing touches on my real-time playoff video recap that would inevitably be drowned out by drunken hoots and hollers. I had to see this onslaught for myself so I waddled back to the field in the top of the 7th inning. I could not believe my eyes. Did god turncoat on the Betty? That’s gonna make for some awkward training sessions with Camarra this week.
And R Bar was not even close to being done. They tacked on 2 more in the 7th when JB$ walked Merhaut with the bases loaded, then Adam hit a sac fly to make it 7-1.
But when Betty vampire rook, Leo-stat, knocked in 2 off a gnarly McCarren hop in the top of the 8th, I thought, “What fuckers to make R Bar think thy have a shot and then turn on the runs to ruin everything.” But R Bar tacked on 3 more in the bottom of the 8th on RBI singles by John R and Richie, and a sac fly by Matty Ice. I then saw a cooler of champagne being wheeled closer to the field and piggy-backed off my previous thought, “And now they’ve jinxed themselves, there’s no way god’s turn coating now.”
But God did turn a blind eye to the gesture..and also to the strike zone that once more walked one of those aforementioned 3 runs (whatever, I’m three sentences from being out of here).
A a line drive back to Bubbs resulting in a quick toss to first to double off Jody in the top of the 9th saw the end the day, the season, and the Betty reign. R Bar’s dreams of victory 13 years in the making was finally achieved.
And R bar celebrated in style. The Moët was flowing a “R” piñata was later burned (since their benefactor Greg reneged on his decade old promise to let the team burn down the R-Bar if they ever won the chip), and a happily fired up R Bar finally made their way The Bedford to collect their long awaited prize.
(Black Betty 3 / R BAR 10)
This Recap Sponsored By:
Without spewing out a long ass speech (I KID, H- your speeches are great), I wanted to let you all know that I’ve loved every minute of running the WSL website. This is the best league in the entire goddamn world, and it’s been a privilege to be a part of it as a player and as a website crime boss.
Big thanks to Erik Pendzich, for letting us “borrow” your pictures for the write ups. And to Holland, who does an amazing job running this league (You disagree? I will end you!). Also to the web staff- you did a bang up job creeping out the league with me- keep it going.
I look forward to watching this website go on to be bigger and better every year (you all love seeing your names in bold print too much for it to not go on). I promise to remain this site’s biggest fan…and to break the cycle of former website crew members trolling Facebook…Unless I don’t see any female writers next year, then I will FUCK SHIT UP!
A Zillion Toodles,
Powered by Facebook Comments