Standings

Joe Godsy Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Spike Hill 13 6 .684 243 194
Roebling Sports Club 11 8 .579 220 177
Turkey's Nest 9 9 .500 178 199
AT All-Stars 4 14 .222 138 203
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Gibson 15 4 .789 238 169
St. Anselm 13 6 .684 214 151
R Bar 7 11 .389 175 244
A Bar Runaways 4 14 .222 120 178
 
Joe Fashion Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Clems 13 6 .684 223 171
The Bedford Yetis 10 8 .556 205 207
Loggers 7 11 .389 158 166
The Gutter 86ers 8 11 .421 201 216
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Kilo Bravo 13 5 .722 233 165
Parkview Scorpions 11 8 .579 215 174
Turkey's Teachers 0 18 .000 132 312
- 1 1 .500 10 17

Schedule

Championship Sunday - Sep 23
11:00 Parkview Scorpions @ Clems 1
Roebling Sports Club @ Spike Hill 2
2:00 North Champion @ South Champion 2

Last Week's Results

Championship Sunday - Sep 23
Parkview Scorpions0 @ Clems 0
Roebling Sports Club0 @ Spike Hill 0
North Champion0 @ South Champion 0

Week 19 – RECAP

Wed, Aug 19, 2015

Linders- Forever in our hearts and pants.

 Another week, another lady baller leaves our tribe. Some toasted your departure with 6 servings of shots (and by 6 I mean 12), while others toasted you with 6 servings of cake because they fucking earned it.

 

11AM

Field #1: Gibson @ Enids ()

Graphic of the year!

As predicted, A-Dos was really loud and did not have a shirt on. As for the outcome of the game…I got that right too. The rout was on from the jump. The first 3 innings saw the Pinks pile up 12 runs on 14 hits, while the Gibson failed to plate a run…or turn over their lineup.

Enid’s got a homer from Drew in both the 1st and 2nd innings, which he parlayed into a 6 RBI day. Czr was 4 for 4 and GOT to play SS. The Pink Ladies, Jen10 and KT, both had a pair of hits and a couple runs. Comfy, Mike V, and Sam O each added 3 hit days of their own, as the Pinks would plate 3 or more runs in 6 different innings.

The Gibson struggled to get the bats moving for most of the game. They eventually broke the seal in the 4th inning and then put up a 5 spot in the 6th. Unfortunately, it was too little and too late. Aaron, Will, and Jonathan had multi-hit days. Coach Dom from Enid’s sincerely commended the Gibson outfielders for their stellar play. He also wanted to thank the homeless gentlemen for assisting on Comfy’s homer in the 7th inning.

Enid’s is staring down one of the toughest remaining schedules, with R Bar and Clemerica still on the docket. If they can win out, they have a good shot of taking the Fashion North Division crown. The Gibson has 1 remaining game, which is a rematch against those same Clemericans that they beat way back in Week 1. A win could move them out of the 8th seed, so you had better bet they’ll be ready to rumble!

(Gibson 7 /Enids 22)

Field #2: Clemerica @ R Bar (Homer Wadsworth)

Losing is nothing a a 1000 hotdogs chased with 1000 Buds can’t cure.

Seems a bunch of games went down to the wire this weekend and the first got started on Field 2 when The Bumses faced the Clemses for some hot and steamy matinee softball where the Battleship almost pulled out of port with the win. They didn’t pull it off (derp) but you could hear them laughing about it as they disappeared into the fog making French jokes about Markow. I was there and almost got it all on my GoPro.

The ArghRbar (as said by any Clemerican worth his salt) was minus one Slappy, one Katie and one John HR but would still bring the firepower and the effervescent Bubbs on the mound, who made about 12 put-outs by hisself manning the mound and stabbing every volley and serve Mayor Joyce Craig tried hitting up the middle. Don’t shoot middle on Bubbs, yo. No middle.

The Battleship scored first with an early run but the Bums answered with 5 in the 2nd inning and were setting the table for a big game with a buncha baserunning. Jamie ‘The Iron Shiek’ at 2B wasn’t having any of it and played every ball like pro-am getting the force out here -boom-, line drive there -bam- or random ball in the hole -bizole-! What? No biggie. The Iron Shiek closes.

After a few innings, the scoring seemed to dry up on both ends and no one was coming across the plate anymore. As John from RBar said: “I usually get a lot of action at 3rd base waving runners home. Not today. Not today, my friend.” He really wrote that! D-Lo got the old McCarren Hip Hop a few times and the umpire got the old ‘Ohio 1-2’ from its favorite son over at 3B. The umpire also called some questionable strikes to Katie ‘C’Mawwn Now’ French who battled Bubbs (and his 3RBIs) down to a full count with the top of the order lurking late in the game before getting retired, ending the pirate threat.

The Clemenites were only down 2 runs going into the top of the 9th inning and decided that the best way to get through this whole thing was to calmly try and win this game. Its after 12pm for chrissakes!!! Open more beers! It’s working! Breezy got involved and took 3rd on Nat’s clutch hit thinking What Would Markow Do in this situation? He wouldn’t make the 3rd out at third….awwwshit….and neither did Breezy as he pop up slid into the bag, eventually scoring on the next play. The Clem’s fell short and RBar held on for the win and were relieved to have the rest of the day for beers but, more than likely, some other softball game somewhere else.

The Battleship went back to Clem’s and were given Breezy made Brooklyn hot dogs as punishment for their performance with Poppa Breezy in attendance! The pastrami and gyro Brooklyn dogs with sides really taught his team a lesson about losing and what you get for fucking losing.

(Clemerica 7 / R Bar 8)

 

1PM

Field #1: Turkey’s Nest @ The Runaways () 

In lieu of a Nest / Runaways recap (due to a sugar-high, 2AM “postponement” by the Candy Kids), I give you something else (which is probably better anyway).

While I was umping the 11AM Gibbys/Pinks game on Field 1, I noticed some tomfoolery occurring by the 1B bench on Field 2. WSL superfriends Jake Levine, John Louis and Bobby Maxwell were partaking in some child-like “pepper” game that one might see played by some bored 8 year olds in the back yard. I quickly forgot about it until later in the day, when they would move their game over to foul territory on Field 1 prior to the 3Ks/TNT affair. After some skeptical observation, I decided to join the loosely organized and basically lawless game…which then quickly escalated into a free for all.

The concept is simple enough. You have 1 batter and a group of gloveless fielders. The object is to pitch to the batter and attempt to get them to swing and miss or to make an out in the air. Easy, right? The fine print takes some time to master, as there are enough ridiculous rules to make it absurdly funny. Fielders are penalized for errors on batted balls…or by dropping a ball that is flipped to them. THIS was the essence of the game. How can you hit your opponents with the ball when they aren’t ready? Needless to say, there were a few balls to the balls and even one to the face(Get your mind out of the gutter).

As one might expect from a park full of borderline (or completely) inebriated softballers, the game quickly added contestants. Linda, Silverman, Capt Calves, Mike Q, Benny Blanco and Jason Merhaut all found their way into the mix. Just when it was really picking up, an errant flip found it’s way between the lines of the actual game that was being played on Field 1. It felt sort of like The Sandlot, when they hit the ball over the fence and the game was over. It was unbelievably fun while it lasted and I have a feeling we haven’t seen the last of this time-killer.

(NO POINTS ARE AWARDED, AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL).

Field #2: AT United @ Loggers (Shortz)

Lord- please let this be the one that jumped the “straight outta” shark.

The Loggers’ M.O. of letting up big innings, then having to claw back was alive and well on Sunday.

Loaded with ATU Tent Tacos and Quesadillas with a side of water guns and bourbon Iced Tea, ATU were immediately smashed smashing the ball, resulting in a 7-run lead (including “Amazing” Johnathan’s first WSL HR) in their first trip to the dish. Leading the charge was none other than Lauck Blake who’d go on to have a 5-5 day whilst covering every position in the OF (What? Are you trying for a POTW 2-peat?)

In the 5th The Loggers managed to plate a few to make it 9-5 (great movie) then plated 4 more runs to tie it, courtesy of Brian “Kristen’s Brother” P knocking in Brains, Jake, and Steve with his necessary “glam” slam.

But Lauck ruined everything in the 8th by smashing a sweet triple, knocking in Jimmy 2s to break a tie and subsequently scoring on Soda’s sac grounder to recapture the lead.

ATU Alum Brain B had Gerald shook, getting 3 straight walks and living up to his moniker of “ATU Killer”. But in the end, Sunday would turn out another episode of Survivor: Loggers Edition, except every lumberjack was voted off the island.

Gerald Split the ball in half w his bare hands, and gave half to Lauck and half to Jimmy 2, now to be referred to as Jimmy 3 for 4.

(AT United 14 / Loggers 9)

 

3PM

Field #1: Turkey’s Teachers @ 3 Kings (Alexander P. Dubin Esq.)

Another poem from that creepy softballer…

Since the 3 Kings/TNT “recap” consisted of two sentences and two book photos, you get the following poem I wrote in honor of my future ex-wife, the lovely, the talented, the still not returning my phone calls, Ms. Emmy Rossum.

 

“Oh Emmy Rossum”

By Alexander P. Dubin, Esq.

Oh Emmy Rossum

You’re so Emmy awesome.

If you saw a midget

I’m sure you would toss him …

Into mine heart.

 

Oh Emmy Rossum

Your boobies are so freakin’ awesome.

For posterity’s sake, I would emboss them,

If ever I should come …

Across them (giggidy).

 

Oh Emmy Rossum

Your butt cheeks are the essence of awesome.

If given the chance, I’d fly to LA,

Buy lacquer

And gloss them.

If only my parole officer would let me approach state lines …

And cross them.

 

Oh Emmy Rossum

Your acting too, is quite awesome.

I compare thee to TV’s Blossom.

But ya know … hot.

 

Em Rossy Ohsum,

Dyslexia is not awesome.

It makes me want to kick a possum …

In the butthole.

 

Fin.

(Turkey’s Teachers 6 / 3 Kings 17)

Field #2: Berry Park @ The Bedford (Alexander P. Dubin Esq.)

So I missed Bedford’s game against Berry Park this past Sunday. As such, I have enlisted the help of Mike “The Inappropriate Sleep-Away Camp Counselor” O’Malley, to compose this recap. And away weeze go:

MO’M: In what can only be described as a see-saw battle, or alternately a grudge match, or possibly just a softball game under the hot hot sun, Berry Park met the Bedford at 3pm on Sunday, with hope in their hearts and baby powder on their privates, looking to build on their three game winning streak against a Bedford team that would be right after AT United alphabetically, would it only lose that pesky “The” in front of “Bedford”.

APDe: Sometimes I have sex dreams about bottle-nosed dolphins. Is that gay?

MO’M: The Bedford started things up in the bottom of the first, pushing two runs across, following a lead-off single by Yours Truly Nolan, Mike “The Flailing Equestrian” O’Malley and RBIs by Doug “Showcase Bro-Down” Hogan, and Phil “I’m Sorry, You Seem Really Slutty and Kind of Dumb and Clearly have Major Daddy Issues but I’m Married Now” Michael. Berry Park answered quickly with a lead off “homer” by Dave “Mary, Queen of Scots” on a single to left and 3 Shaferesque overthrows.

APDe: I’m naming my speed metal/polka band, Shaferesque Overthrow.

MO’M: Berry Park followed Dave’s bomb with a hit parade that culminated when Nick “During the Day and at Nite” plated two runners to give the Berries a 3-2 lead. In what would be a theme for the game, the Bedford answered with two runs from the top of the line up with Phil driving in O’Malley and Brow-down yet again to put the Brunchers back on top 4-3.

APDe: (sitting around a campfire for some reason) Then what happened, Counselor O’Malley?!

MO’M: Well kids, if you shut the hell up, I’ll tell you.

APDe: Why do I always wake up with you standing over my bunk, staring at me and panting really hard?

MO’M: Questions like that make Jesus cry, campers. Moving on … Nick Tunes, Anthony “How-U-doin’?” and Winston-Salem answered back, all stroking hits, to plate two runs and regain the lead.

APDe: Anthony’s nickname seems racist.

MO’M: You’re adopted and your real parents are happier without you.

APDe: Please stop touching my leg.

MO’M: This game was notable for the strong defense by both sides. Berry Park saw a put-out at home end a possible big rally in the 5th and the Bedford could only tie the game in the 6th, scoring just one run after loading the bases. The Brunch Brigade finally put the game away in the 8th however, scoring five runs; three on a missile to Left Center by Anthony “Boring, Non-Ethnic Nickname” Mollica (are you happy now Dubin, you little PC shitbag?) and hits by Mike “Screaming Eagle” Powell, Matt “Soaring Eagle” Silverman, Doug “Fly Like an Eagle” Hogan, and Phil “He’s Got a 12 foot putt for Eagle” Michael. Though Berry Park would continue to threaten in the 8th and 9th innings, they were unable to make up the deficit and saw their winning streak end at 3. The league has taken notice – this is a team with all the tools to make a splash in the playoffs, and the talent to go far.

APDe: Wow, Counselor Mike, that was a great campfire story!

MO’M: My Johnson is 12 inches long.

 

(Berry Park 5 / The Bedford 11)

 

5PM

Field #1: Crown Vic 86ers @ Impose (Shortz)

RAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWRRRRRR!!!!!!!

It took 16 whole weeks, but Impose’s defense finally faltered.

The 86ers were working like the rent was due in order to honor their injured comrade, (and WSL sweetheart) MalloryVP. Super ladies (and sisters by law), Mia and Kat were tasked to hold down the fort.

Impose had an early lead, going up 7-0 through 3, capped by Ryan Bort’s 2-run HR. Ryan would then go on to led the attack in the 4th as well, smashing a 2 run single.

Even with their bats going silent in the 6-7 innings, Impose was still holding onto a 12-10 lead thanks to Jon Blank, Kate Dehnel, and Adam Hoffman 5th inning RBIs.

After chipping away some (notably with and 2-run RBI of D.O.’s double in the 6th and 2-run bomb by Chris Giorgio in the 7th) the 86ers came alive in the 8th, going up 15-12 on hits by Sgt. Dre, D.O., Jimmy, QSMASH, and Dylan McKay who wants his name changed to Dylan McCarren (remember my answer?). 

Impose scratched their way out of loser-dom in the 8th, when Adam Hoffman and Pat Snajder both singled with 2 outs and Christian Ver Halen hit a seeing-eye single to score them both. Pete, fresh out of sick bay, tied the game with a liner over Kat’s head. If only she had bought some pumps during her 5-hours shopping spree at Beacon’s Closet. P.S. Mallory hopes your arms are feeling better, Kathryn. She was really concerned.

Right- so it was all tied up 15-15 heading into the 9th.

The book shows 4 clean runs from the 86ers, but thankfully I have Pete’s detailed side of the inning (with my added corrections and sweet FLAVA):

Ben lead off with a single and took second when SS Derek Evers threw it passed Pete on the mound. Dre hit a weak grounder that Impose booted. D.O. hit an infield fly to Palma, the ump didn’t call an infield fly, and Palma dropped it. When the dust settled, Dre was on third, Ben scored, and D.O. was out at first. Next up was Quiggs. He drilled a ball to right field, which only resulted in a base hit. QSMASH popped out to Derek to make way for freshman phenom, Dylan “Don’t Make Me Call You Steve Sanders” McKay, who drilled a deep HR to RC. 4 runs were all they needed. ” 

That’s because Impose went scoreless in their last licks, don’t you hate when that happens (cough- Remys).

Hopefully the game ball went to the best damn lady player turned score keeper since…moi.

(Crown Vic 86ers 19 / Impose 15)

Field #2: Roebling Sports Club @ Black Betty (Homer Wadsworth)

“For one shining moment, the Bettys were losing,
Then Belz started pitching and we took a bruising.”

To end the day, the Joe Godsy Division South, arguably the most competitive division in the WSL, had the Bettyballers facing off against the artists formerly known as Reel2Reel. This close race was about to get even closer as both teams stared down 9th innings with some drama, one Gerald and a bunch of seriously frightened people.

The Roeblings came out hitting steel ropes up the middle, in the 5 hole, in the 2 hole and basically anywhere they wanted to, scoring 4 runs in the first and another 4 in the second. After a few big hits by the GlimmerTwins Mike ‘God, I Miss Softball’ Hogan (4 for 6) and Jake ‘Taylor’ Hawkins (5 for 6, 2HRs) and newbie Justin ‘Timberrrrrrr(lake)’ Humphries (5 for 6, 4RBIs), who btw hit a MONSTER shot over the tree in LF on Field 2 and one hopped the fence on Driggs. Amazingly, the runner on base didn’t read the ball or just got caught watching it’s trajectory like everyone else on the field and JTimbs got help up at 3B. Triples are cool, too. He scored on the very next play, so it all checks out….but holy fucksakes what a shot! Phil ‘The Percival’ had an amazing day going 5 for 6, a double short of the cycle and day and a half in LF.

The Betty’s were trying to keep up with RSC’s scoring for most of the game and every time they would get on the board the Bridgemaking Sports Club came back with a few more. H was on the hill for the first time this season and couldn’t stifle the Remy bats with the exception of the 4th inning when he got his one and only goose egg of an inning. New guy Leo, StevieP and old school ATJ candidate Benny ‘Take a Pitch’ Blanco kept the Black in the game early moving runners around and hitting line drives you could set your watch to. Chels ‘CLP’ Belz went 2 for 2 while JKC had 2 big hits of her own, one of which set up the tying runs in the 8th just in time for BWhite to knock ‘em in. Rookie sensation Kyle (not Troy) ‘Red AuerBergman’ had a great day at the plate going 2 for 2 with a few runs scored and some clutch hitting late in the game and also got his name on the internet.

In the 9th, with the score tied and a Dickensian spin on things, Betty leadoff guy, Kevin ‘Oliver Twist’ came to the plate in his tattered undergarments and got the 5 o’clock treatment by some hecklers behind the backstop. Specifically, Shortz ‘I WAS IN MY LUCKY CHAIR’, Wally and the Pinks and, of course, John Condon. The rabble then continued to tease the batter about his ripped clothing and, right before he broke down in front of everyone, his former captain came to his defense exclaiming: “I say! Good Sirs! We’re trying to finish this contest here and we would appreciate your silence for the duration. Good day to you all. I said ‘Good Day’, Sirs!” The heckling stopped immediately and it got kinda quiet as GBlack looked on and said ‘Don’t talk to me unless I talk to you,’ to no one in particular as the game continued.

It worked because after hard earned walk, a flyout and a fielder’s choice, Mike C was waiting on 1B with Jaker at the dish. He laced a long single to RCF as Camarra rounded the bags with the intention of ending the game with his signature non-stop running thing he does where he slides head first in a cloud of dirt where most people slide face first into a ton of pain. The throw from Jake to Mark from the outfield was a one hopper but up the line enough as Mike veered and scored to win the game.

(Roebling Sports Club 17 / Black Betty 18)

 

WSL Player of the Week is…Denis Bramley!!!

SPEEECH!!!

Denis: Well it’s a good thing I’m checking emails on the can at work or I would have shat myself. Pretty cool to be player of the week. Does it come with a bar tab? Before you start with the Q&A, let me just give big thanks to Americas team, The Three Kings Softball Club. LETS FUCKIN GO! Where are we going? We’re going to YOUR MOM’S house for a chicken cutlet dinner.

1. You were 5-5 with a HR. Was that revenge on the trees in LF ruining your Saturday?

Denis: I had a pretty good day at the plate. I would hit the ball and run around a bunch, it was fun. Definitely made up for a frustrating left field performance on Saturday were I was also hit by a batted ball TWICE, yes TWICE from the game on field 2 (Baby Boy, who else?).

2. You are part-owner of the successful restaurant, Montana’s Trailhouse. Please take a moment to call out anyone who has not visited your establishment yet.

Denis: Yep, restaurant is doing really well, it’s our second summer open. No shout outs to those who have not made it out, they know who they are. But there has been great attendance from the league and I really appreciate the support. 86ers own Jake Pendleton has even DJed a few times.

3. Which of your 3,000 tattoos is your favorite?

Denis: Favorite? You clearly have no tattoos (Tramp stamps don’t count. That’s an ink mullet) But I guess my favorites are probably the ones I don’t remember getting cause getting tattooed sucks. And no, they don’t wash off.

4. How does your delicious, signature “musk” help your game?

Denis: Well… 5 for 5. Why would I wash that off.

5. If you were to bottle your musk, what would you call it?

Denis: The Stink of Victory- A New Fragrance by Denis Bramley.

 

This Recap Sponsored By… 

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