Standings

Joe Godsy Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
R Bar 11 9 .550 243 225
St. Anselm 9 10 .474 194 249
Clems 7 12 .368 181 237
AT All-Stars 3 16 .158 158 291
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
3 Kings 19 2 .905 338 166
Turkey's Nest 13 7 .650 223 229
The Bedford Yetis 10 10 .500 244 244
Gibson 2 17 .105 198 298
 
Joe Fashion Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
A Bar Runaways 14 6 .700 234 145
Black Betty 11 8 .579 224 170
Kilo Bravo 11 9 .550 277 220
Loggers 6 13 .316 172 274
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
The Gutter 86ers 16 4 .800 263 177
Spike Hill 15 6 .714 321 184
Roebling Sports Club 7 12 .368 214 272
Turkey's Teachers 3 16 .158 172 275

Schedule

Championship Sunday - Sep 24
11:00 Kilo Bravo @ Spike Hill 1
Turkey's Nest @ 3 Kings 2
1:00 North All-Stars @ South All-Stars 2
2:30 Spike Hill @ 3 Kings 2

Last Week's Results

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Week 19 – PREVIEW

Fri, Aug 14, 2015

11AM

Field #1: Gibson @ Enids () 

Hey A-Dos, we’ll give you this shirt if you promise to keep it on.

Early games are generally the pits, unless the forecast calls for 90’s and sunny (which it does for Sunday). In that case, beating the heat is not such a bad thing. Facing the Pinks this season however, HAS been a bad thing for many opponents. Enid’s has the league’s 2nd stingiest defense, which does not bode well for the offensively-challenged Gibson team.

Coming off a rout of the Loggers last weekend, Enid’s is still in the hunt for the top seed in the Fashion conference. They have 3 divisional games remaining and look to double up victories on each of them. They will close out the season with R Bar and Clemerica, but it all starts this Sunday against the Gibbys.

The Gibson has had a tumultuous 2015 WSL season, to say the least. It all began with a win over the Battleship in Week 1, but now they’re trying to avoid their 12th loss in a row. Some defections and injuries may have set them back, but they still put up a fight most Sundays. It will certainly take a Herculean effort for them to topple the Pinks this week, but they did play them very tough in their first matchup this year. If I had to predict an outcome, there is probably a better chance of A-Dos being quiet (and keeping his shirt on) than the Gibson getting the win.

Field #2: Clemerica @ R Bar (Homer Wadsworth)

The Battleship is on due course and headed for the underpass near Meeker and Graham this weekend, where they will drop anchor and make “nice nice” with the locals. For a second, the WSL editorial staff thought to themselves: Maybe we should let Stryker do the preview for this game? HA! I remember when that guy was a writer. What a lighting rod of attention he made himself! R Bar, from what I recall, doesn’t really favor his prosing and posing but still goes out there to take care of business. This might give Stryker some pause out there on the mound, but isn’t that what pissed them off in the first place?

Clem’s has been sailing through some rocky waters these past few weeks, losing to the Vics, Roeblings, and Impose after beating up on the Betty squad right around mid-season. They looked like the team everyone was waiting for. If Kelly ‘Weird Fingers’ is back in the lineup, and BobbyButtahBelz and the Polish Rifle go to the right game this time (ha!) they could put some pressure on the Bums and make the contest a Bum fight they can win.

R Bar on the other hand, has taken the 3Ks approach of: “Next!” this year and haven’t played down to anyone. That said, I think they like to reach down…tween my legs…..ease the seat back….. a little further and inflict some damage on a Clem’s team so many other people love! You guys are so weird! You two teams are like 2 rich kids in grade school who amazingly don’t talk and somehow aren’t friends with each other.

If I had to guess who’s gonna get the win, the R Bar look as formidable as ever but Clem’s is like the slutty Cinderella team who you secretly wish would make a move on you.

1PM

Field #1: Turkey’s Nest @ The Runaways () 

After almost 4 months of futility, those Runaways finally chalked up their 2nd win of the 2015 season. They have mixed in close games with some blowouts along the way, but never seemed to be able to gain any traction…until last week. With a big win against ATU, the Candy Kids pulled even with the Gibson at the bottom of the Fashion side of the WSL playoff bracket. The Blues Clues crew has 2 games left to possibly sneak out of the 8th seed. That quest begins this Sunday against the defending champs, Turkey’s Nest.

The 10-win Turks have managed to win 7 of those games by 2 runs or less so far this year. I suppose one could see this in a few different lights? On the one hand, it would seem that the Nest should be putting some teams away with a bit more ease. Conversely, nothing tests a teams playoff readiness like the ability to close out a tight game.

With 3 games remaining (including a 2014 WSL Championship Game rematch with Black Betty in 3 weeks), the Turkey’s Nest have already locked up the Fashion South division crown. We really could be looking at a preview of the opening playoff round here, assuming the current seeding holds. One of these teams will be sending a message…who’s your money on?

Field #2: AT United @ Loggers (Shortz)

Hey Nate– this one looks wicked sporty!

 ATU beat down the Loggers by a touch down in week 2, but in recent weeks have lost their sparkle. I doubt it’s a coincidence that this coincides with the recent police presence in the field.

The Loggers on the other hand, have lost 3 in a row to powerhouse teams…and also the Teachers. You Loggers baffle me. You have solid players- Tony is a beast at the plate and a darned good pitcher. Kristen is a solid second base(wo)man, and Craig and Brian run the infield and outfield respectively, plus are related by proxy via Kristin (as Dub-Nation mentioned last week because I told him to). So what the woof, Loggers? Is Brenner getting paid off by Goochie-Mane and splitting the cash amongst the team (but secretly skims from the top)?

In ATU land, PeteMo and his Tommy Bahama hat will be absent this week as is Frank the Tank. I surmise it’ll be up to one legged Nate ‘my best friend’ to play with the confidence of two legs this Sunday in order for the United ones to pull out a winner….and some illegal favors.

3PM

Field #1: Turkey’s Teachers @ 3 Kings (Alexander P. Dubin Esq.)

Coming off their second shocking upset loss in three weeks, 3K limps into battle with division cellar-dwellers, TNT. I asked Monarchs left center fielder, Thomas “Nicky”‘ Santoro about his team’s troubles of late. Santoro, who was eating raw cheetah meat off the bone while watching a Wendy Williams marathon, pointed at the TV and said the following: “You know that bastard, Sampson’aight cheated on Levitra with that Cuban refugee, Flotilla. He’s definitely Daflofious’ (Flotilla’s baby) daddy. Just be a man and admit it. Who knows … maybe Daflofious will go to the NFL or some shit. Then Sampson’aight would be all ‘That’s my boy!’ and shit. Oh yea, and we’re gonna beat the Teachers so badly that they’re gonna need substitutes for the rest of the season.”

After completing my conversation with Santorini, I randomly ran across TNT’s Mickey, reading Shakespeare to a Mr. Potato Head doll, next to a dumpster behind a Kennedy Fried Chicken on 218th street. When I told Mick about Thomas’ comments, he immediately ran to Kilo Bravo and tried to hug Q for some reason. Q grabbed a bottle of Galiano in his right paw and viciously beat Mickey over the head, while quoting the bible in Spanish and coloring in a Dora The Explorer coloring book with his left hand. This whole chain of events got even weirder when Teachers standout, former Club MTV DJ and current DJ Tanner sex doll producer, Dave “Donna” Martin, stepped into a hidden booth in the back of Kilo and started spinning an Indian rip-off of the 1980s classic “Relax” by Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Obviously, I had to know more about this track, so I spoke with “Doc” Martin after this event unfolded and he revealed to me that the song is actually called “Relax, My Friend” and is by an Indian cover band called, Rajneesh Goes to Bollywood.

Anyway, Teachers Manager and 1975 Central Park Snowball Fight Champion, Hazmat showed up and read Curious George Meets a Sex Offender to Mickey, until he regained consciousness and, of course, tried to hug Q again. Good times.

Anyway, even with their inconsistent play of late, Franchise, Joe E. Bats, Nick “Yoenis” Tomeo and the rest of the Kings will be the overwhelming favorites to send the Teachers to detention this Sunday but the Educators will surely have a lesson plan of their own ready to go, come game time.

Metaphors are fun.

Field #2: Berry Park @ The Bedford (Alexander P. Dubin Esq.)

Coming off their biggest win of the season, in a huge upset of the Kings, the suddenly Annie-less Yetis will take on the once again Mo-less Brunchers this Sunday. While an in-depth, detailed preview of this match-up would be a classic approach to this article, I believe that the website, the league, journalism and posterity itself would be best served by the remainder of this preview being written in multiple haiku form.

Berry vers Bedford

Divisional Foes Face Off

Zak(!) Is Man-Pretty

 

Defeated The Kings

Yetis Will Be Dogs Once More

Another Upset?

 

Phil, You Jewish Star!

Your Lefty Stroke Has Returned.

Masturbation Joke.

 

That was pretty deep,

Even for APDe.

Ladies, get in line.

 

Kelly Southerland,

You get your own line to me.

It’s like E-Z Pass.

And now, a special haiku I wrote just for Annie, while I was on the 6 train this morning, watching a transvestite doing kegel exercises:

Hey, Dell’Aria

Meet us at Dell’Baria

Black-eyed softball star

 

5PM

Field #1: Crown Vic 86ers @ Impose (Homer Wadsworth)

Nurse cat says “Get Well Soon”!

This weekend, Impose faces off against an upstart 86ers team who have a little bit more to play for as they rally around their MalVP who was banged up by some idiot driver the other night that didn’t recognize the greatness riding in the bike line. Our Mal is resting up and healing herself, but will be out for a few weeks recovering. Until then, her 86ers have their work cut out.

With one of their best players on the sidelines this leaves the Vic with some question marks about how to fill in the gaps in their offense and defense. They still have the frosh phenoms Dylan, Quiggs, Miles, and Ben and with veteran senior leadership like QSMASH, Dr. Buttah and Dre this team can still pull off a few miracles. When they face an Impose team this weekend who is grooving their way across the schedule, beating teams down with old timey things like defense and scoring, will the real Crown Vic please stand up?

Impose has been gliding through the season on auto-pilot. They’ve been on top of their division since the first day of the season and never looked down. With Pete ‘Small Hands’ Hoffman on the hill casually throwing pitches and Palma Blankenshipcumberbum killing it over at 2B, the Impose are everything they need to be at this moment. A tough defensive squad who never panics and scores a decent amount of runs. And of course, the effervescent Kate holding down the dish. Hi Kate!

This could be Crown Vics ‘One Shining Moment’ if they can stand up to an Impose team that doesn’t seem to care who they’re playing. I can already hear the DO IT FOR MAL chant. I can even imagine Impose joining in. We’re a cool league like that.

GET BETTER MAL-VP!!! You are one of a kind.

Field #2: Roebling Sports Club @ Black Betty (Shortz)

Don’t start the game without us!

Two old-ass teams will pull up to the field in their Mobility Scooters for their 5pm tee-time.

Like the Loggers, our team is another one who baffles me. Shawn’s a star, Phil’s got his offensive juices flowing again plus has a calming presence, and Justin is not allowed to go to any weddings this weekend. So how can we turn this around? Pre-game meditations? Mystic Crystals? Beer? It’s Beer. We just need beer.

Now, the Betty francise has managed to whoop our butts for many, many, many years, with the exception of one GLORIOUS game last season. But Black Betty had a little vacay last week, so that could work in our favor.

And Homer Wadsworth is sick of being assigned Runaway games, so he should relay a message to his buddy Kevin Greenlight Belzmerica to send more runners into fatal plays at home, get on base less and stop being a morale booster. It might help Homer with his encounters with the Runs.

 

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