Joe Godsy Division
Parkview Scorpions 6 1 .857 115 48
McCarren Hotel Titans 6 1 .857 96 60
St. Anselm 3 3 .500 73 53
Turkey's Nest AT 2 5 .286 50 64
Parkview Suzies 5 1 .833 55 42
The Bedford Yetis 3 4 .429 62 99
Pete's Candy Store 2 5 .286 73 77
Turkey's Nest 0 7 .000 20 101
Joe Fashion Division
Gibson 6 1 .857 89 44
Roebling Sports Club 5 2 .714 111 70
Clems 3 3 .500 63 56
The Gutter 86ers 1 5 .167 36 89
Kilo Bravo 4 2 .667 55 37
Echo Bravo 4 2 .667 69 44
Loggers 2 5 .286 58 83
Carmine's Bombers 1 6 .143 44 102



Last Week's Results

Week 08 - May 22
Parkview Scorpions0 @ Gibson 0
Loggers0 @ The Bedford Yetis 0
Pete's Candy Store0 @ Echo Bravo 0
Turkey's Nest0 @ Kilo Bravo 0
Carmine's Bombers0 @ Parkview Suzies 0
Turkey's Nest AT0 @ Clems 0
McCarren Hotel Titans0 @ The Gutter 86ers 0
St. Anselm0 @ Roebling Sports Club 0

Week 18 – PREVIEW

Fri, Aug 7, 2015

Welcome back to your respective divisions, WSL. This means we are in the homestretch of regular season play. Are you weeping uncontrollably? Leonardo is.


Field #1: Roebling Sports Club @ Impose (Shortz)

Tastes like victory.

The Remys are still licking their wounds (wishing it tasted like Chocolate Banana Bread) from last week’s BRUTAL loss to R Bar, and hope to score more than one run in this rematch with Impose. Speaking of Chocolate Banana Bread, I’ll be bringing some to the field because my Remys need a MAYJAH pick-me-up. And I can’t even eat my delicious creation because I have a Glucose screening the next day. Now that’s how you dedicate yourself to your team, WSL.

We Remys got some peeps back in the mix. Our kooky leader, Hogan is back from ACTING! THANK YOU! And Clinchy has returned from her world travels; we’ll see if Impose tries to take out the other knee this time. It’s also worth noting that we lost to Impose P.J. (pre Justin), so we’ve got that going for us (hopefully I didn’t jinx your bat for Sunday…I probably did).

And we’ve kept our blurry eyes on you, Impose. We’re well versed in your powerhouses (Adam Hoffman, Pat Snajder & Godsy) and your strategic base-getter-on-ers (Palma, Jon & POTW12 “Weapon”). All we have to do is field the ball and hit and stuff and WE GOT YOU!

I wouldn’t bet against us if I were you.

Field #2: The Runaways @ AT United (Homer Wadsworth)

This could be you, Nate!

Earlier this week, I went out on a limb and said the Runaways were my Cinderalla team after their tough loss to 3 Kings. They put up some good numbers, some good defense, and made the Kings pull out some late game heroics for the win.

Sam ‘5.0’ Rio was everywhere and the Runaways were playing like it was a playoff game with everything on the line. With Jake hitting bombs and playing with 1 out, Chad slugging doubles in between visits to the ‘sammich’ place, and Pat hitting dingers the way they were last weekend, the ATU have to be ready for a squad that’s hungry for a W.

ATU is also coming off a loss against the streaking Yetis. Back in the ATU mix is the surgically repaired, lead tied gambling degenerate, and internet posting phenom GBlack, who knocked 2 Homers last week to remind himself he’s still a tower of power. Jimmy2s (not to be confused with Matty 2 Times!) got a big win on the hill against the Kings and held them to a paltry 8 runs. Nate is rumored to be back but has completely lost his jean look to my sincere disappointment. Actually, I wasn’t alone in not recognizing my denim hero out there on the diamond. Bring it back, Nate. We’ll even accept jorts.

In the bottom heavy division, the Runaways will come out swinging and ATU will answer late, but the game will be more defined by how hard it is to keep the undercover cops away from the tent. 


Field #1: Enids @ Loggers (Alexander P. Dubin, Esq.)

This belated preview is brought to you by the good people at the Retired Priest Brothel and Pancake House. The Retired Priest Brothel and Pancake House: where every day is Take Your Father to Work Day.

With both Enid’s and the Loggers coming off tough losses in their games last week and with Stacy coming on to Jen 10 in my head, this game looms large for both the Peptos and Bark-Blasters. But something even bigger than a regular season co-ed, beer league softball game is at stake here, if you can believe it; this one is familial. As devoted watchers of the hit show, “Keeping Up With the Logdashians” know, the Loggers very existence centers on linchpin, Kristen, whose brother, Brian and boyfriend, Craig, both play for the team and are also “partners” in the two-man luge … naked. But here’s where things get interesting: Kristen and Brian are RELATED to Enid’s star and secret pyromaniac, Mike “ABCDEFG-HIJKLMNOP-QRSTU” V! HE’S THEIR COUSIN! And he’s married to Jen 10, so now she’s their 2nd cousin, twice-removed, once-restored. Do you know what this means?! It means that Dom gets to tattle on all of them for not playing nice.

While the Loggers are in this one to try and build momentum going into the playoffs, Enid’s is still in hot pursuit of R Bar in the Fashion North. Can Wally’s Dollys keep pace with Rich’s Bitches, or will Tony’s Cronies do something that also rhymes with something? In the immortal words of my esteemed colleague, Mike McNelis, Camarra is the devil and I like pie.”

Field #2: Gibson @ R Bar (Alexander P. Dubin, Esq.)

 In a battle of “Gibson vs Goliath”, this Sunday will feature a match-up of worst vs first in the Fashion North Division as Ah Bah takes on Gibby. Dem Bums are once again among the elite in the WSL and look to make another run at the title this season. The fighting Kimmy Gibblers, on the other hand, are battling for respect … and cake.

Led by the big bat of defending home run champ and one-legged porn legend, Bubbs “I’m Looking For John” Connor(s), second baseperson and Johnny Manziel rehab sponsor, D-Lo “Pebbles” LovaGlio, and the 4th greatest athlete in Cleveland sports history: 1) Jim Brown 2) My uncle Frank 3) Lebron James, Jason “I Secretly Wish I Were Born in Cincinnati” Merhaut, AhrBahr will likely enter this game at -3700 or so.

But beware of the Gibby. Although they are at the bottom of the division, they are a vastly improved team, sporting WSL POTW15, A-DOS, who had this to say when queried about this weekend’s match-up, Rich is sexy. I know that’s not what you wanted to discuss but let’s just get it out there. He’s sexy and I appreciate that. Also, remember when people used to hang out at the Gibson? How do I know that people used to hang out at the Gibson? you ask? SHUT THE HELL UP! THAT’S HOW! And another thing; why are you only wearing tighty whities, bro?”

Did I mention that I was wearing Homer Wadsworth’s tighty whities during the interview? Well I was. Backlwards. Anyway, the smaht money will be on R Bar but the Commish’s money will be on my dresser. I mean … ummm, not that. Yea … good cover.


Field #1: Turkey’s Nest @ Loggers () 

Divisional play is back! It’s my favorite time of the year…rematch season! The Nest and The Loggers are on deck this Sunday at 3pm on Field 1! While the Turks totally mulched the Lumberfolk,19-11, in Week 3, I don’t expect we’ll see another deforestation this Sunday.

The Green Machine have seemingly turned the proverbial corner on the 2015 WSL season. Although they have only won once in their last 3 games, they sport a positive run differential over that stretch and have been highly competitive. Last week’s 4-run loss to The Bedford was certainly much closer than just about anyone would have imagined. The Loggers entered that game at 3-10, while The Hillfolk were 10-3…not generally a recipe for a fair fight!

After beginning the season at 3-3, the Turkey’s Nest has sort of regained their 2014 championship form. The Gobblers are amidst a 6-2 run and hold a commanding 3 game lead in the Fashion South. The only thing in the way has been the attendance of late. Missing pieces make puzzles more puzzling, right? Not sure what that even means, but it sounded kind of cool and slightly relevant. 


Field #1: Berry Park @ 3 Kings (Shortz)

At 5pm, the spotlight’s on the two teams yet to have a POTW (largely because we never get their recaps in time). 3 Kings barely squeaked out a win back in their last meet up with the Yetis, where after Zak(!) proclaimed, “11am games are horrible!!!!!!”. You know what’s actually horrible? GLOBAL WARMING.

Now they play at 5pm and have Winnie as their new leader – sounds like a winning combination. They are super charged from their respectable win over ATU and are determined to give Annie Dell’Aria one last win before she bails on the league for greener academic pastures.

But what about these other guys? These Kings who win games and wear face paint? They are coming off a close win from last week where they beat the Runs by the same score as they beat the Yetis in week 3. Boring coincidence? I think not. Kings- you have one request from this lady who can say shit from the comfort of her apartment, hiding behind her laptop- Treat your lady, Vargas like the queen she is! If I walk by on Sunday and see you not feeding her grapes whilst fanning her with a peacock feather, I will FLIP THE FUCK OUT!

That’s me…as a cat…flipping the fuck out.

Taking a page out of the Homer handbook for wrapping up previews, I ask:

Will the Yeti’s pull the upset of the season? Will 3 Kings act like the gentlemen I know they’re capable of being? Will either of these managers actually send me their highlights and scorebooks in a timely manner? I love you both, but you’re so tardy.

Turkey’s Teachers @ The Bedford (Alexander P. Dubin, Esq.)

Way to piss off God, Alex.

Bedford. Teachers. A rivalry as old as rivalry itself. The Educators are coming off yet another moral victory, if you ask this reporter, as they were defeated 16-14 by the defenderating championistas last week. Even in defeat, that sort of showing announces to the league that the Teachers are not to be taken lightly. I don’t know anyone on the Teachers that well, but whoever they are, “I’m sure they did a heck of a job.”

For the Bedford, an escape with an 11-7 win last week was not exactly cause for celebration, which made it all the more suspect when Amelia “Swaggy Ctrl+Alt+Delete” Schimmel went on a 4 day Mike’s Hard Lemonade bender after the game. Any information on her whereabouts would be greatly appreciated. This is another game where the Brunchers will likely be heavy favorites but that hasn’t stopped the Teachers from getting new jerseys that say “Nest” on them, which basically confuses the shit out of me. This is the 5:00pm game, so expect … ummm … it to … begin at 5:30? I don’t know. Personally, I just can’t wait to hear the church bells chime 200 times at 6:00. Special treat for all. Stupid God.


This Recap Sponsored By…Mermen! 


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