Joe Godsy Division
Parkview Scorpions 11 1 .917 196 82
McCarren Hotel Titans 7 5 .583 135 112
St. Anselm 6 5 .545 131 95
Turkey's Nest AT 4 8 .333 106 116
Parkview Suzies 10 1 .909 111 81
The Bedford Yetis 6 6 .500 119 173
Pete's Candy Store 5 7 .417 129 132
Turkey's Nest 1 11 .083 57 168
Joe Fashion Division
Gibson 9 3 .750 151 97
Roebling Sports Club 7 5 .583 145 116
Clems 5 6 .455 110 110
The Gutter 86ers 1 10 .091 75 179
Kilo Bravo 8 3 .727 133 76
Echo Bravo 8 3 .727 137 75
Loggers 4 8 .333 107 127
Carmine's Bombers 1 11 .083 82 185


Week 13 - Jul 10
11:00 Carmine's Bombers @ St. Anselm 1
Echo Bravo @ Parkview Scorpions 2
1:00 Turkey's Nest AT @ Kilo Bravo 1
Loggers @ McCarren Hotel Titans 2
3:00 The Gutter 86ers @ Turkey's Nest 1
Gibson @ Parkview Suzies 2
5:00 Clems @ Pete's Candy Store 1
Roebling Sports Club @ The Bedford Yetis 2

Last Week's Results

Week 12 - Jun 26
The Bedford Yetis19 @ The Gutter 86ers 13
Pete's Candy Store16 @ Roebling Sports Club 6
Turkey's Nest9 @ Gibson 10
Parkview Scorpions21 @ Carmine's Bombers 5
McCarren Hotel Titans10 @ Echo Bravo 11
Kilo Bravo15 @ St. Anselm 14
Parkview Suzies14 @ Clems 13
Turkey's Nest AT4 @ Loggers 9

Week 17 – RECAP

Wed, Aug 5, 2015

Upsets, blowouts, and a man partying in just his tighty pinkies- oh my!



Field #1: R Bar @ Roebling Sports Club (Shortz)

The start of this game had The Gooch worried he had lost his spreading touch but ultimately, Goochie’s foresight was more than correct on this one.

The Remys seemed not so depleted, shutting R Bar down in the 1st. Our Remy-men Babkow, Jake, and Benefactor Sean then showed R Bar our offensive prowess of with a base hit, home run and sac-fly RBI respectively.

Dem Bums had a 5-run pop in the 3rd featuring a line-drive home run by Bobby. RSC Sean noted while coming off the field, “It was still rising by the time it reached me”.

With the score at 7-4 going into the top of the 4th, it seemed this game would remain sort of close, but then…

11 out of 12 Bums would cross home plate. I’m too lazy to mention everyone, so I’ll say it included offensive standouts Teddy Browne (5/5), Josh (4/6), Ron (4/6) and Nailz (who got on base twice that inning).

They eased up but the Remys were not blessed by the clean fielding gods…or the hit your cutoff gods…or the being smart on the base path gods. This helped the Bums considerably in the 6th when they plated 9 more runs. I’ll give shout outs to Bubbs (4/6), Katie (4/6), Nate (4/7), and Matt (4/5 with a sac RBI) for this onslaught.

Our only other run would be scored in the 8th batted in by Justin “Thanks for the heads up that a foul on your third strike is an out…NOT” Humphries.

I wasn’t there to witness this brutal loss, but it sounds like you Remys need some baked goods to bounce back next week when we re-enter divisional play against Impose.

(R Bar 32 / Roebling Sports Club 5)

Field #2: Enids @ Crown Vic 86ers (Alexander P. Dubin, Esq.)

So I splooge “GAME OF THE WEEK” all over the preview board’s young, nubile face and what happens? Half the players don’t even show up for the game. FUCKERS! With Crown Vic missing Dave “I Get No Cool Nickname Because I Didn’t Show Up For The Game” Osbourne, Andre “I Also Did Not Show Up and Therefore Deserve No Nickname As Well”, and Al “Aren’t I the Manager of This Team?” Buttah, the Victorians were still able to pull out a W against an also short-handed Enid’s squad, which was without Wally and like 4 other players that I can’t remember. But rest assured, all you no shows suck.

Anyway … in a rare game where QSMASH stole home but neither homered, nor had a three-way with some chick from the L train and her not super-hot but definitely acceptable for a three-way stepsister, the 86ers managed 3 bombs from Ben, Rich, and Jim. Note to Ben, Rich and Jim: If you want bad-ass nicknames that make the ladies swoon, tell your recapper to send me your last names. But I suppose that isn’t your collective fault, so here ya go: Ben “Queensboro/Ed Kock Bridge Lower Roadway”, Anderson; Rich “I’m Still Young Enough to Go to B Bar” Ramirez, and Jim “The Exploding Sticky Note” St. Claire. You’re all welcome.

However, the real star of any game where a team like Enid’s is held to just three runs has to be the pitcher and in this case, pitchers. Jake “Honey, Can I Delete Real Housewives of New Jersey From the DVR Yet?” Gandolfo and “Ole 7 Fingers” Nat McGee held the Pinks down, even striking out “My Other Shirt Is Also Shirtless” Sam to end the game.

For Enid’s the lone offensive bright spot was Drew “Come At Me, Brah” Toresco, who had his usual stellar performance from the left side of the dish, with a double and a home run that knocked a masturbating homeless man out of a tree. Sadly, that would be about the only offense the Peptos could muster and while Pat and Czr did their best to keep the Camels in it, in the end, Crown Vic proved too much for Enid’s, besting the Pinks 10-3.

(Enids 3 / Crown Vic 86ers 10)



Field #1: Clemerica @ Impose () 

This matchup between Impose and the Clemericans certainly had some intrigue and mystery surrounding it. Injuries had been piling up for both teams in recent weeks and both were trying to rebound from Week 16 losses. As the season winds down, the playoff implications were also starting to mount for both squads. The Mendozas are keeping pace in the Godsy South, basically holding the division lead by tiebreaker. On the other hand, the Battleship has run out of ammunition in the past month and they continue to slip down the standings in the Fashion North.

Trying to piece this together from memory and the little amount of information provided from the teams has proven to be difficult for me. I think I remember Clemerica taking an early, 2-run lead and Impose answering with 3 in the 2nd inning. The middle innings were glacially slow and I believe it was the Battleship clinging to a 6-4 lead heading into the 7th. Impose would send their entire order to the plate that inning, plating 4 runs on 8 hits. Clemerica never had a response, going down in order the final 3 innings.

Jon and Palma Blank combined for 6 hits and 4 RBIs for Impose. Olin, Ryan and Adam all added 3 hits each to the cause. Bobby Maxwell had a multi-hit game for the Clemericans and his lovely lady, Katie, knocked 1 of her own. Condon and “Fake Kelly” Rob also had a couple hits each in the loss.

The game ended with an 8-6 Impose win. That’s really all I recall, but I will leave you with this:

A poem by Breeze:

(Clemerica 6 / Impose 8)

Field #2: Black Betty @ Gibson (Homer Wadsworth)

So much Meryl in this Recap.

There were a few match-ups this weekend that had some surprisingly close scores and a few ‘almosts’ from the underdogs, Gooch be damned! The Gibson came into the game against the Bettys hoping to sprinkle a little of their magic dust on the diamond and pull off the upset. But they couldn’t string the hits together as the black and yellow hit well and scored often putting the game away in the early frames. It was a cozy affair with some injury scares and a pitcher’s duel that pitted a vet against a red shirted lady who met Meryl Streep the other day….no shit!!!!

What was really weird was how quickly the game on the other field ended. They had, like, a 55 minute game or something crazy and tense sounding. I guess that’s Impozistas style. Clem’s? I’m not so sure, but the spread afterwards looked like a good enough reason for point shavings (mmmm…point shavings…) and chowing down back at headquarters ASAP. The quick game on Field 1 put the pressure on the Gibson\Betty game on Field 2 to ‘finish sooner’ and the Gibson were given 3 consecutive half innings of hitting only. What is this, a blacktop game? Cause if it is, where Jimbo’s Pringles at? Where you at Ghost? Buttah has yer number. Danny’s Dodgers, baby!

As Sam ‘I AM’ snagged line drives up the middle and Adrian ‘Modelo Wrist Guards’ Franco (POTW15) slugging it all over the place, backed by a solid Kovner Power Kontribution and some nice plays by Will C at 3rd, the Gibson looked good but couldn’t keep up with the Black’s run production.

The Chelsinator (POTW6) had 2 hits on the day as Aiden ‘Inning Ender’ Sleeper went a solid 4 for 4 while the Betty lineup rolled off an 8 run first inning and dropped another 5 or so in each the middle frames giving them a nice cushion to cruise and enjoy the lovely heat wave.

With the Betty up 25-5, the restless Field 1 teams were tired of this nonsense and had heard Whiz Khalifa for the last time. The Commish stopped makin’ eyes with his girlfriend, Nikki6000 (who played a stellar OF, BTW), long enough to concede the Betty’s final 2 at-bats and just play defense since the Gibson couldn’t possibly score 20 runs against a team that only let’s up an average of 8 runs a game all year….right?

The Gibbers took that challenge and rattled off 6 runs in 3 innings as John GRambo proclaimed: ‘C’mon Guys….we almost have it down to single digits!!!’ The game ended and no one really seemed to care except the players coming off the field who all got their softball fix for the day and now just read about it on the internet. Suckers!

(Black Betty 27 / Gibson 11)



Field #1: The Runaways @ 3 Kings (Homer Wadsworth)

Hey “Cinderella” Runaways- we found your playoff outfits!

This weekend’s 3Kings Runaways contest was a close won and ended with a captain getting the big hit when it counted most even when his efforts to pass notes to the Runaways catcher failed. Here’s your recap, motherfuckers!

It all started when The Gooch set the spread at 20 runs and the Runaways were like ‘Ah….That’s encouraging!!’ then came out firing on all cylinders against the tattooed division leaders who squashed their ‘upset’ dreams with a big 8th inning RBI from Matty “Shy Note Guy” TwoTimes. Sam and his Runaways battled hard in this game diving on some plays up the middle, wild action at the plate and this season’s worst umpiring mistake ever. Sorry, Belz- that was horrendoid.

Before the game got started Sam and his Runaways donned some new digs and heavy petted their shirts with scissors and knives….probably razor blades…much more delinquent sounding. I don’t know if it was the shirts but the former Candy Store Operators were feeling it early. Pat ‘Wind Me Up’ hit a monster 3 run HR behind the bench on Field 2 in the early frames to set the tone as Chad ‘HeroBoy’ White got on base constantly setting his teammates up for their own heroics. He also brought everyone on his team sandwiches and Vitamin waters. (which he also did for his game at 10am on the blacktop….is there anything this guy can’t do?)

The wackiest play of the day came on a HR from a Runaways player who caught up to his teammate (let’s say Jake and Pat) coming down the 3rd base line as the ball sailed into the home plate area. Dennis ‘Change My Balls Out’ Bramley was there to make the play up the third base line but as the ball ricocheted away complete chaos ensued where a spontaneous twister-like softball game broke out around home plate with Runaways and Kings diving around each other….. some people were out, others were safe by a finger. It was fucking crazy!!! Where were you Erik P?!?!?! Anyway… was nuts and no one got hurt on the play.

The worst play of the game was from the umpire who was Jedi mind tricked by SS Franchise from 3Kings into thinking there were 2 outs when there was only 1. Jake, the Runaway runner on first, knew better and scored easily as the Kings were told they made the necessary 3 outs needed to end the inning and left the field. Shit got crazy quick but order was restored as an irate Sam remarked that the umpire’s breath was offsetting.

In the 7th inning the Runaways were winning by 3 runs and had a chance to pull this thing off if they could get some insurance runs and put away the Kings for good. Instead, the Kings battled back and tied the game in the 7th doing what they do best….hitting the ball really, really fucking hard.

With the contest going into the 8th inning at a stalemate 11-11, Juice ‘Anklebender’ Vargas led off the inning with a decisive base-on-balls and the Kings were ready to get her back on the bench with a run in the books and the lead. It was up to CPT Matthew x2Times to hit the big shot up the middle, break up the tie and give his team a lead they wouldn’t relinquish.

The Runaways played what they no doubt see as one of their best games of the season against a tough team and weathered through some tough calls and a Kings lineup that was relentless on both ends. Sam ‘Staying Positive, thanks Jay’ Rio was inspired and played some stellar SS predicting balls up the middle with ease while Mike Gambecki covered a shit ton of ground in the outfield as did every other OF’er on the squad.

They didn’t win but I think I know who my fav Cinderalla team is now.

(The Runaways 0 / 3 Kings 0)

Field #2: The Bedford @ Loggers (Alexander P. Dubin, Esq.)

Given some of the stat lines from this game, you might think that last weekend’s Loggers/Brunchers matchup was an orgy of run-scoring spectacularity. Well, you would be wrong…and you still owe me $5. In reality, this game was more an orgy of runners left on base. To be honest, as far as orgies go, this one was a bit of a snooze. It was a “snorgy”. In a game where an aggregate 18 runs crossed the plate, the Tree Killers and Egg Eaters managed to strand 1,250 runners, two thirds of whom were Metzl.

For the Lawgrrrs, the attack was led by Jeph Ex, who hit a BOMB over my head (even after Citizen Kevin Kane told me I was playing too shallow), dead into the wind. Jeff also had 2 RBI and 2 runs scored. Craig H. Christ and Snoop Brontosaurus both had 3 hits, while Brian “YES!! Cuban” B added 2 hits and 2 RBI of his very own.

For the shorthanded Bedford, missing sluggers Phil (in DC visiting his brother), DJ (in Oregon, quacking at stuff) and Doug (watching Speed 2: Cruise Control on Netflix), the slack was picked up by WSL veteran, Matt “I Dare You to Throw Me Out, You Fucking Pussy … Yea That’s What I Thought, You Little Bitch. On Second Thought, I’m Sorry. That Language Was Uncalled For. Friends? OK, Good” Silverman, Sexy Steve Mina and the aforementioned Jon Bon Metzl. Silverman, hitting in the 5 hole, had a monstrous game, going 5-5 with 2 doubles, 2 RBI and 2 runs scored, while The Sexy One did his part, going 2-3 with a big 2 out RBI single, as well as a double and a run scored to go along with his usual sensual play at short. And let us not forget infield specialist and hair band superstar, Bon Metzl, who assured me before the game, “I’ll be there for you. These five words I swear to you. When you hit on a Jets Cheerleader after softball on Saturday at Kilo Bravo but she sees Chad from across the room and you immediately know you’re screwed … IIIIIII’LLLLLL BE … THERE-FOR-YOU!” Fucking Chad (which she probably is right now).

But I digress … Metz went 4-4 with a run scored, bringing his average over the last 3 games to “well above”. On the defensive side of the Clincher, the story was Anthony “The Only Thing Better Than Some Lica is” Molica. Playing outfield for the first time this season, the ball seemed to find Tony-Mo every inning, as he moved seamlessly between left and right field. Unshaken, “Lica The Freaka” made every play, prompting outfield associate and tall human, Mike “48 Long, No Cuffs Please” Powell to comment, “Nice catch, Anthony! I know that isn’t very funny but it happened and it was beautiful and true, SO BACK OFF!

In the end, this game came down to a 7 run second inning by the Bedford and while the Loggers fought hard, they were unable to make up the deficit. The road gets no easier for Tony’s Team, as they face the defending champs next week, while Bon Metzl moves on to its next tour destination against the Teachers; “HELLO McCARREN PARK, FIELD 2!! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!”

(The Bedford 11 / Loggers 7)



Field #1: Berry Park @ AT United (Shortz)

Evil personas win! Evil personas win! I noted Evil Winnie and Evil Steph’s diabolical plan of taking out ATU using sharks with frickin laser beams in my preview, and guess what? Sharks with frickin laser beams took out ATU.

From the ‘get’, the Yetis were not fucking around and immediately plated 3 thanks to former coach Zak(!) (4/5 with a walk, a HR, 2 RBI’s and 3-runs), Toolan (3/5 with a HR and 3 runs scored) and transfer Dave (2/5).

ATU evened the score in the 2nd thanks to recovering GBlack’s 2-run HR, and Ersin’s RBI. The third inning was more of the same in terms of keeping the game to 1 run.

At this point, you’re thinking, Shortz, that doesn’t sound like a game involving Sharks with frickin’ lasers!” But I assure you they’re coming. I just have to bold a few more names so people read this.

Cut to the 4th inning where Annie hit a triple to remind us how much we’ll miss her softball talents, Aaron and Mia both reached second on hits I’m assume were awesome, and Zak(!) hit that HR I mentioned earlier. ATU would go on to score here and there, like when my buddy Soda hit a 2-run blast in the 5th or GBlack’s second HR in the 6th (someone’s got some juice mixed in with their shoulder meds). But mainly flyouts and runners left on base were ATU’s offensive M.O. And why is that? Because waiting at homeplate were the….. SHARKS WITH FRICKIN LASER BEAMS!

Despite ATU’s duel effort on the mound from GBlack and Jim Twos, The Yetis were still able to pull ahead, capped by Lynch Mob’s 3-run shot in the 7th which would be the nail in ATU’s Drunk Tank.

(Berry Park 16 / AT United 9)

Field #2: Turkey’s Teachers @ Turkey’s Nest () 

Sunday might go down as the longest day in history for me and it culminated in the Annual WSL Thanksgiving game. With 5 Nesters beginning their days on the (league nemesis) blacktop at 9AM, I knew we were in for an adventure come 5PM. Sure enough…Mitch can’t properly set an alarm and missed the 1st inning due to nap-time. Shafer did most of his post-game celebratory drinking before the game. Chuck, Korny and I just looked incredibly tired…or at least I am guessing I looked how I felt, which probably looked like them.

No way did the Teachers care about how we were feeling or who was napping, as they charged out to 6-0 lead early. Jay Contreras, Dre Rodriguez and Ron Esposito led the TNT attack and combined for 10 hits, 2 HRs, 10 Runs and 9 RBIs on the day! Maybe they went with the Parkaritas over the Big Buds or something, because the Automotive bunch showed up to play! Unfortunately for Coach Haz and his troops, the offense would sputter and the middle innings proved to be far less fruitful…which allowed the Nest to sober up/wake up some.

A freshly lucid Mitch Jones hit a 2 run shot in those pivotal middle innings, to spark the Nest offense back to life. Karl would later followed that up with a 2-out, 2 RBI hit to RF to support his efforts on the mound. Despite scoring 16 runs, the real kudos go to the opportunistic Turks defense. Sean Manning recounted this highlight, as the Teachers were looking to rally, “Shaf misplayed a routine pop up because he was chatting with the other game’s outfielder…only to then fire a laser relay throw to Mitch who threw another laser to Karl at home to get a runner trying to score from second. Karl then fired to MK at third to get a double play on the runner coming around from first.” Inning-ending double play…crisis averted.

TNT never let the game get too far away and the 9th inning began with them trailing 16-10. With the tavern bragging rights at stake, they would give it one last push for glory. After plating 4 runs and putting the tying run on base, Nest 2B Laura “LK” Kornhauser ranged deep into hole to snag a potential game-tying hit away and fired to 1B to end the game.

When folks complain about the 5pm games, I usually shrug and sort of discount their laments. I think I finally get it now. That was a struggle.

(Turkey’s Teachers 14 / Turkey’s Nest 16)


WSL Player of the Week is…Jaime Contreras!!!


Jaime: I’m extremely honored to be selected as the player of the week back to back. I’d like to say thanks to Coach Haz and David Martin for giving me the opportunity to join the Teachers.

1. We couldn’t seem to find you last week. EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!!!!

Jaime: I apologize. I work overnights and sleep during the day so it’s very hard to get in contact with me.

2. You went 5 for 5 with 6 RBIs and 2 HR Sunday, besting your stats from last week when we initially asked you to be POTW. Was that in order to be considered for POTW 2 weeks in a row?

Jaime: Not at all, I’m just going out there giving my team all that I can provide. Any awards and personal accolades are made possible by my teammates and everyone involved with TNT. Actually Cee Cee and Ron played outstanding so I’ll like to share my POTW honors with them and my entire team.

3. What’s your opinion of the Teacher’s Life Coach Shia LaBeouf?

Jaime: Inspirational, especially when he got arrested.

4. If you could change one thing about the WSL, what would it be- mercy rule (WE KID!)?

Jaime: LOL- I wouldn’t change anything about the WSL it’s an amazing league, everything about it is perfect.

5. The Teachers are starting to turn their season around. What kind of “strategery” does your team have going into the playoffs (don’t worry, it’ll be just between us)?

Jaime: Our strategy is to go out there, support our teammates, play as a single living organism, and lift each other up when we’re having a bad game/day and follow the plans that Coach Haz has in store for us. But most importantly make sure we’re having fun.


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