Standings

Joe Godsy Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
R Bar 11 9 .550 243 225
St. Anselm 9 10 .474 194 249
Clems 7 12 .368 181 237
AT All-Stars 3 16 .158 158 291
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
3 Kings 19 2 .905 338 166
Turkey's Nest 13 7 .650 223 229
The Bedford Yetis 10 10 .500 244 244
Gibson 2 17 .105 198 298
 
Joe Fashion Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
A Bar Runaways 14 6 .700 234 145
Black Betty 11 8 .579 224 170
Kilo Bravo 11 9 .550 277 220
Loggers 6 13 .316 172 274
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
The Gutter 86ers 16 4 .800 263 177
Spike Hill 15 6 .714 321 184
Roebling Sports Club 7 12 .368 214 272
Turkey's Teachers 3 16 .158 172 275

Schedule

Championship Sunday - Sep 24
11:00 Kilo Bravo @ Spike Hill 1
Turkey's Nest @ 3 Kings 2
1:00 North All-Stars @ South All-Stars 2
2:30 Spike Hill @ 3 Kings 2

Last Week's Results

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Make Out Week – PREVIEW

Fri, Aug 28, 2015

We hope you’ve been applying extra Chapstick because it’s

MAKE OUT WEEK!!!

11AM

Field #1: Black Betty @ Turkey’s Nest () 

Ah, the beauty of makeup week. The midseason gamble that your missing players will be available (and that other team’s will not) in late August. It may have paid off for the Betties this time, as the Turks are simply playing out the stretch. Even though there are still quite a few playoff scenarios floating around to keep things interesting, the Nest has had the Fashion South locked up for about a month now. Despite the epic coast into the playoffs, the Nesters are actually riding a 4 game unbeaten stretch. The offense is as hot as it has been all season, averaging 16 runs per game over the current winning streak.

The Betties really need a couple of wins this weekend, in order to move up the standings and possibly into a sweeter seed for the playoffs. Having lost twice to Impose already this year, I bet they want no part of that current opening round matchup. With Crown Vic also doing double duty on Sunday, things could get interesting on the Godsy side of the bracket.

Don’t want to lose the significance of the 2014 WSL Finals rematch, but the buzz just does not seem to be there. I hope the Gooch is doing his due diligence while setting the betting lines this week. Black Betty is a juggernaut at 1PM and 5pm, while the Nest is unbeaten at 11AM. Will attendance be an issue for either squad? What about the injury report, Homer? Whatever the case, I can only assume both teams will play hard and have some laughs…and snacks…please bring snacks!

Field#2: Crown Vic 86ers @ AT United (Homer Wadsworth)

This has been a good year for The Mayor. His team got better overnight , they are ridin’ first place in the South and have been playing some pretty steady softball all season. Then some fucknut decided it wasn’t challenging enough and sideswiped his best player, MalVP and things got sticky. But then, the 86ers were like FUCK THAT, D.O. got hats and I think the league melted in a fit of sentimentality. Seriously, that was some super sweet shit D.O. Honky-honk indeed.

On the flip side, the Gerald-led ATU squad is still chillin’ in second place in the North Division while Justin and his beautiful bride make their way back across the country with a slideshow for anyone who’s interested scheduled for late Sunday evening at the Gibson! The ATU have been surging a bit lately and it all has to do with POTW Lauck who covers ground in the OF, takes extra bases, and then helps your kid find their bus after school and avoid the creepy Bike Shop guy we all know is out there….waiting for us to slip up.

As for softball, the Gooch thinks the Vic are gonna win by 3, but I guarantee you someone is out there right now saying how horseshit that spread is and how the Commish probably scheduled the games in the Bettys favor since both teams are footing double bills and H does nothing but use the schedule to further his teams chances. I love hearing how diabolical H can get.

Anyways…….my prediction is that the 86ers will view this game as a warmup to the 1pm matchup against the folks spinnin’ the Black circle but the United will come out strong and make them play all 9 innings of Lauck-down defense. Meanwhile, PeteMo is like, dude, what about me? Yer still my fav, bro.

 

1PM

Field#1: Turkey’s Nest @ The Runaways () 

Two snack requests equal two shirtless Rex Ryan pics!

In a turn of events that will likely add to the off-season rules committee meetings, this game was “postponed” via a 2AM Sunday morning email a few weeks back. Not the most conscientious move in WSL history, as nobody wants to wake up and find that their Sunday got fucked. Regardless, the Turks are going to take the field for game 2 of a makeup week doubleheader on Sunday…in potential 90 degree weather. Dog days of August? Wait, is that why they made it National Dog Day on Wednesday? Am I giving dog lovers too much credit for being clever? How annoying were all those dog pictures on Instagram? *end rant*

Looking to crawl out of Godsy’s basement before the playoffs begin, the Runaways are in a ‘win and you’re not the worst situation’. The Gibbys may have lost 13 straight games, but they still maintain the tiebreak advantage over the Runaways after beating them all the way back in Week 5. A win for L’Orange would mean a bump to the 7th seed and a rematch of this very game in the 1st round of the playoffs. Exciting, right?

The Nest really has no reason to take the field. Seriously, nothing is at stake. No playoff eligibility scares…no seeding implications…no desire for sun-stroke. Curious to see what the Gooch has in store for the betting line. Could this be an upset special? Can the Turks blood-alcohol-content rise to victory? You know you can’t resist, so come check out the 1PM action on Sunday…and bring me snacks!

Field#2: Crown Vic 86ers @ Black Betty (Homer Wadsworth)

At 1pm, both teams who played at 11am will face off for the second time this season as the final regular season games determine the seedings for the postseason. A lot is on the line for both teams, but it’s not just about seeding, its about pride and finishing the season on a high note.

In week 3 of the season, the Betty’s held the Vic to 7 runs and beat them by scoring 11. The upstart Vics were incredulous about their loss and were sure they were gonna give the Betty their big wake up call of the season. It didn’t happen. As the 86ers surged, they circled a date on their collective Google calendars for the big Black Betty matchup in August. Then that got delayed until later August. There was some shit talking about how the Betty’s were scared of facing the Vic and that was the reason for the rescheduling, but the truth is no ones escapes and no one really gets out alive in the WSL. The only thing stopping a game from happening in this league is a wedding, a baby shower or the threat of legionnaires disease.

Black Betty is coming off what it considers a ‘slump’ having only beaten RSC by 1 run that took all 9 innings and some late heroics then lost to Impose last week after trying to play catch-up the entire game. They ended up losing by a bunch, hung up their big black hats at the end of the day and said…..OK….next week. It’s been an on-and-off season for the Bettyballers, having some big mid-season wins against the Bedford and Enid’s but losing to Clemerica and Impose (twice). The team has historically shown up in the postseason (I’ve heard), so if Allen Iverson had anything to say about it, it would probably sound like this: “Regular season? Regular season? Are we talkin’ bout regular season games? Regular season?” (said best with total sarcasm and a MalVP hat on, tilted slightly to the left).

Since both teams will be coming off games immediately prior to the matchup, expect each squad to have its own momentum or inspiration for game two of the day. The Betty face the Nest at 11am in a rematch of the WSL Finals from last season and are looking for some revenge. If they get it, the Vic will be facing a confident team looking to make their weekend. If the Vic win against ATU they will double down and be feeling good.

 

3PM

Field #1: Clemerica @ Enids (Shortz)

Last week’s Clemerica recap was interrupted by a riveting yet sadistic tale of Kelly Southerland’s brush with the WPD.

So I’ll give y’all the Cliffsnotes of what the Battleship endured:

– Clemerica clinched the Fashion 4 seed

Nat “Dat Ass!” hit a glorious HR but was edged out of POTW by my lounge chair

– Shredded Smoked Brisket Sliders were enjoyed by those brave enough to book passage back to Clem’s

Now onto the preview: In week 3, Clem’s got blown out of the park by the ladies in Pink. Fast forward to MAKE OUT WEEK and we have two teams who had opposite outcomes in the week prior. Clem’s blew out The Gibson while Enid’s were blown out by R Bar. Now the blowers and the blowees will finally get their second date of the season. The sexual tension will be palpable between the Jersey Boys and Long Island Lolitas, who will all make a pack to get laid before the season is out. But between now and Sunday night, Enid’s will wait with baited breath to see 1) if they can win against a bunch of burly seamen and 2) if their win is enough to snag the 2nd seed or is Turkey’s Nest can emerge victorious from their 400 make up games to keep the Pinks in 3rd seed of the Fashion Division.

With a Gooch spread favoring Enid’s by 4, let’s hope we finally get a GAME OF THE WEEK and not a total “suck” fest.

Field #2: Berry Park @ Impose (Shortz)

The Winnaisance Man.

This be some delayed interleague shit going down!

In comparing these two teams, early season wins don’t interest me because it means YOU PEAKED TOO SOON like a bunch of douchy suburban townies who live in your parent’s basement. So let’s analyze the final five games to strengthen my argument for a certain team. The Halle Berry Parkers won 4 of their last 5 games in their ongoing “Winnaisance” where as Impose just has 3 wins in their home stretch. My money’s also on the Yetis because my below math (assisted by H, so yell at him if it’s wrong) benefits MY team if the Berry Park “winnies” on Sunday.

Impose is comfortably positioned in the 4th seed…unless they win (and The Bedford loses) moving Impose to the 3rd seed.

Berry Park on the other hand is comfortably positioned in the 6th seed…unless they lose and swap seeds with RSC. So if Berry Park beats Impose, they’ll most likely face The Bedford (or someone else if the planets align and somebody sneezes), and we’ll most likely face Crown Vic, a team who’s win were still seething over. But if Impose wins, this exact same game will re-played in the first round of the playoffs. If it be that, I’ll cut and paste this preview in a fortnight because my brain just fell out of my head.

 

5PM

Field#2: The Bedford @ R Bar (Alexander P. Dubin Esq.)

(Disclaimer: What you’re about to read is made up. Sometimes we like to make jokes)

So I’m walking home from my weekly shift, working at the soup kitchen and who do I run into? Jason “There’s Nothing Gay About Batman and Robin’s Lifestyle” Merhaut. I say hi and Jay shoots what I can only describe as a Cleveland Scowl back at me. “What in the hell is that all about?” I thought to myself. I concluded that J must have been having a bad day or maybe his hair was a bit off, so I just chalked it up to Merman being Merman and went on my merry way.

Later that day, who do I run into at the Gluten-Free Square Dance Festival? None other than Ah Bar bash brothers, Bobby “The K Isn’t Silent” Knapp and Bubbs “The C IS Silent” Connors. Let me tell you, those boys can box step! So, I went up to say “Hi”. Well, I could not have been more surprised when Knappsack picked up Bubbsalicious, spun around 2 full times and winged Bubbs at me like a giant tattooed discus! WHAT THE HELL, MAN?! The Square Dance Fest wasn’t just supposed to be gluten-free, it was supposed to be violence-free!

At this point, I am even more dumbfounded than usual. Why are the Bumz so mad at the Doob? I’m finally shaking off the attack and I run into Ah Bar glam couple, D-Lo “Pebbles” LoVaglio and Adam “Dubin, If You Call Me Bam-Bam On That Stupid Website, I’m Gonna Break Your Face” Caccavale. Maybe I can get an explanation as to what the heck was the deal with their teammates. I walk up to the couple, who are walking through Central Park, wearing matching American Flag warm-up suits (stunning), and am about to say hi when Adam taps D-Lo on the shoulder and she turns around, pulls out a .22 and shoots me in the leg. Great. Exactly what I need. Thanks a bunch, guys! See if I keep subscribing to your porn channel now!

As I’m riding to the hospital, I’m trying to figure out what the hell happened. Merhaut, Bobby, Bubbs, Pebbles, Adam … What had I done to make all these people so angry at me? Finally, sitting in the hospital, my emergency contact person, Mike “While Matt Silverman’s Guitar Gently Weeps” O’Malley, showed up and after scolding me for being selfish and getting shot during the season, he asked me what had happened. I explained my crazy day with the Ah Bah peoples and he looked at me, dropped his head for a moment, then looked back up, slapped me across the face and said, “WE PLAY THEM THIS SUNDAY! IT’S GONNA BE A WAR! I LIKE DUDES!” Ho-Lee-Shit … O’Malley was right!

Beford/R Bar! How could I have been so stupid?! They weren’t angry with me. They were all just tooled up on steroids and red bull, preparing for THE GAME OF THE YEAR. Well, if they want a war, they got a war. Coming off a loss to the Kings, Morgan “Juevos Rancheros” Oughton will have her Brunchers ready to chow down this Sunday. Led by Sexy Steve Mina and Ichiro Suzuki clone, Jon “Sloppy Whiplash” Metzl, the Bedford will NOT be denied. This one has Game of The Week (Sorry Shortz) written all over it. Let’s Get It On!

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