Standings

Joe Godsy Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Spike Hill 13 6 .684 243 194
Roebling Sports Club 11 8 .579 220 177
Turkey's Nest 9 9 .500 178 199
AT All-Stars 4 14 .222 138 203
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Gibson 15 4 .789 238 169
St. Anselm 13 6 .684 214 151
R Bar 7 11 .389 175 244
A Bar Runaways 4 14 .222 120 178
 
Joe Fashion Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Clems 13 6 .684 223 171
The Bedford Yetis 10 8 .556 205 207
Loggers 7 11 .389 158 166
The Gutter 86ers 8 11 .421 201 216
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Kilo Bravo 13 5 .722 233 165
Parkview Scorpions 11 8 .579 215 174
Turkey's Teachers 0 18 .000 132 312
- 1 1 .500 10 17

Schedule

Championship Sunday - Sep 23
11:00 Parkview Scorpions @ Clems 1
Roebling Sports Club @ Spike Hill 2
2:00 North Champion @ South Champion 2

Last Week's Results

Championship Sunday - Sep 23
Parkview Scorpions0 @ Clems 0
Roebling Sports Club0 @ Spike Hill 0
North Champion0 @ South Champion 0

Week 9 – PREVIEW

Fri, Jun 5, 2015

Maybe I’ll bring these to the field. Maybe I’ll eat them in one sitting.

This Sunday we’ve got one makeup game, two possible loaves of Chocolate Banana Bread and a 3 ring circus that’s just us running around the field in various states of sobriety.

11AM

Field# 1: Turkey’s Teachers @ Black Betty (Homer Wadsworth)

I already wrote a frickin’ Teachers\Betty preview so this is my offering.
The Betty were scheduled to play the 11am against the Nesters in a rematch of the 2014 WSL Finals, but the Turks couldn’t get their complete squad together for this week’s match and postponed leaving the Betty to make their game up against the Teachers instead. Expect the unexpected in the WSL!!!

The Nest were rumored to think the Betty wanted to not play them ‘for real’ and get the win through a forfeit. They were reminded The Commish is on the Bettys and they can do whatever they want, whenever they please.

Go back and read last week’s preview for full effect of this one!
Full disclosure: I had to look up FOMO.
Also: There’s Only One Andy Becker.

Field# 2: Impose @ AT United ()

A couple of (co-)division leaders will take the field on Sunday, with both looking for their 5th win of the season. AT United is coming off a tough loss against the Clemericans in Week 8, where they were forever trying to overcome a 7-run deficit from the 1st inning. Impose, on the other hand, got the week off. They were about to take the field at 5pm last Sunday, only to have the skies open up and rain on their parade/game.

ATU has been feasting on some struggling teams this year, although they did get a marquee win over the Pinks a few weeks back. This week should be a good barometer for how the season will progress for them. Can they be a contender or an also-ran? A win on Sunday would certainly send a message to the league that the Drunk Tank is for real.

Impose will look to *cough* impose *cough* their smothering defense on the potent AT offense, but will they have enough firepower in the bats to get a win against “Flat Bastard” Gerald Marquez & Co.? They put a serious hurting on The Bedford in Week 5 and have been averaging over 15 runs per game in recent weeks. If they’re going to score runs, look out WSL!

1PM

Field# 1: Turkey’s Teachers @ Gibson (Shortz)

Jeepers- now that the Gibson media blackout has been lifted I’m not sure what to write…

JUST KIDDING!!! You Gibbers are a treasure trove of content. I bet you guys are taping up your rings like Jennifer Lopez did at the end of Enough, with Ados telling Will over the phone, “You have a divine animal right to protect your own life and the life of your offspring”. That movie would gear anyone up to add another notch to their victory belt against the winless Teachers.

Thanks to Sunday’s Zombie Monsoon, the Teacher’s game against the Gibson will be their second of the day, which will either make them warmed up of pooped come 1pm.

Listen, Teachers. You are turning into that girl who asks for advice on if she should dump her cheating boyfriend then runs off to Vegas to marry the jerk. I am exhausted. I have tried to be inspirational. I have tried to dish out some tough love. I have tried to send you the stats on every player of every team you face. But you just won’t listen to the mother of kittens. (Is it my cats? It must be my cats). Well since you won’t listen to me, I implore you to listen to the most inspirational man according to EVERY HUMAN, and the best American in America.

I’m clearly talking about Shia LaBeouf.

Click on Shia’s face to watch him inspire the shit out of you!!!

If this fucker can’t lead you to victory, I just don’t know.

Field# 2: 3 Kings @ R Bar ()

Deja Vu all over again?

Certainly feeling eerily similar to the 2014 game between 3 Kings and R Bar. Once again, this one will feature the top 2 offenses in the league. Once again, they are both sitting atop their respective divisions. Once again, it’ll be open season on McCarren Park pedestrians.

After both squads suffered Week 1 losses, each has managed to roll off 6 wins in a row. R Bar has been steadily blowing out every opponent by double digits in their current streak, including a dismantling of the defending champion Turkey’s Nest a few weeks ago. 3Ks just finished running the table on the Godsy South, utilizing their revamped defense to stifle opposing lineups.

With no discernible chinks in the armor, I fully expect another back and forth battle on Sunday. There were 8 lead changes last season and the game came down to a double play with the winning run on base in the bottom of the 9th. The Kings came away victorious that day, but the slate will be clean this Sunday. WSL fans really won’t want to miss this one!

3PM

Field# 1: Roebling Sports Club @ The Runaways (Shortz)

Two teams with new names and shitty records face off at 3pm.

Now last year, Rio’s squad may have beaten us down, only for Sam to raise our spirits with his delicious Chocolate Banana Bread AND gave us the recipe that I posted on the recap. So in the hopes that being a good little baker will result in a win for the Remy’s, I will bake his recipe from last season and maybe bring to the field.

Click on Shortzy’s face to watch her try and bake the shit out of this banana bread!

Field# 2: The Bedford @ Enids (Homer Wadsworth)

DO I HEAR “GAME OF THE WEEK”?

Yeah….I do.

Enids vs Bedford.

3PM.

Pound for pound, this matchup is the one to watch this Sunday.

These 2 teams have been missing each other, playing the rope-a-dope for years and somehow avoiding each other in the postseason during the slippy base era (a shout out to the league for new bases!). It’s time they face each other and people pay attention to the greatness of softball that exists in our league.

Both teams have a lot of similarities when you break it down. Both have new managers with experience in the league (Dom and Moughtown) and both have had the same measure of success with an abundance of talent, which sometimes can be a problem as some other teams have found out. Both have power and pop from both sides of the plate, enigmatic pitchers (Ceez, Patty, Kane, O’Malley….sounds like a union busting crew), and each field some of the best most braggadocious ladies in the league! See? Great match-up, indeed. I already feel bad for the umpire. Sucker.

Expect this go down to the wire and be as good a 3PM game as there will ever be in the history of this league.

5PM

Field# 1: Berry Park @ Clemerica (Homer Wadsworth)

Get it? It’s Stryker!

Clem’s had one of the most exciting ends to a game the other Sunday when Stryker got fully airborne for a pop up against ATU and almost broke all his ribs in the process. I was surprised to see him pull himself off the ground on his own accord but rumor has it, behind those aviators, he was completely passed out and talking about ‘….the guy with poop on his shoes who keeps coming through here…..’ as Clem’s carried him off the field. After being administered some smelling salts and a few sips of a Bud heavy, Stryker was back on his feet, not completely conscious but alive. Goddammit, he was alive!!!!!! Clem’s won and he ended the game the only way he knows how: Face first in the dirt and 90% passed out.

The Berry Parkers are looking to make a new season out of the post-Memorial Day-world and are hoping it starts against the up-and-coming Clemericans. Winnie was being touted as a possible POTW for week 8 (granted they had no game), and even though I had no details on his feats of softball strength, I fully believe Zak when he says Winston did whatever he said he did.

Clem’s and the Yetis have a lot in common! I’ve already made this unoriginal statement about another matchup this week, but I’m gonna let it fly like my mail order Battleship flag! Both teams have pre-game ceremonies, have serious interest in properly cooling their beers and are some of the sweetest people you’ll meet from Craig! ‘My Hands Are Sticky’ and Devan ‘I Know I Smell Nice’ to The Yeti personalities like Annie ‘Say it Aint So, Teach’ to Toolin’ from the Def Leppard Paranoia album.

Field# 2: Crown Vic 86ers @ Loggers (Shortz)

How many of you under 30 get this reference?

Last season, the 86ers BARELY beat the Loggers, thanks in part to Soda’s 2 homers. Better back that ass up this time Loggers or he’ll- what’s that? Soda’s off the 86ers? That like telling all 20 somethings the Governors Ball is cancelled.

Ok, let’s try this again. The Loggers have many hitters in their arsenal, including veteran Logger Mike Saris– him too? I thought he was only “Jay Z” retiring.

Well, the Loggers are going to have a pretty tough time crossing the plate with McMia behind the- DAMMIT SHE’S ON ON YETIS!!! AND FILTHY JEFF IS PERMANENTLY UPSTATE?

Do I know any of you people? Clearly not. Why don’t you strangers introduce yourselves by sending me a big glass of Rosé- what’s that? I’m off the Rosé this season? Oh for fuck’s sake!

Well whoever the hell y’all are, I know you’re both emerging from the clutches of “Buttfumbledom” this season with your improved rosters. But you’re both in desperate need of a win as both stay slightly above the bottom of their respective divisions. Who’s going to avoid hitting rock bottom? Whoever’s more hungover, SO DRINK UP!

This week’s preview brought to you by:

Toodles! 

The NEW New New Additions

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