Standings

Joe Godsy Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Spike Hill 13 6 .684 243 194
Roebling Sports Club 11 8 .579 220 177
Turkey's Nest 9 9 .500 178 199
AT All-Stars 4 14 .222 138 203
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Gibson 15 4 .789 238 169
St. Anselm 13 6 .684 214 151
R Bar 7 11 .389 175 244
A Bar Runaways 4 14 .222 120 178
 
Joe Fashion Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Clems 13 6 .684 223 171
The Bedford Yetis 10 8 .556 205 207
Loggers 7 11 .389 158 166
The Gutter 86ers 8 11 .421 201 216
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Kilo Bravo 13 5 .722 233 165
Parkview Scorpions 11 8 .579 215 174
Turkey's Teachers 0 18 .000 132 312
- 1 1 .500 10 17

Schedule

Championship Sunday - Sep 23
11:00 Parkview Scorpions @ Clems 1
Roebling Sports Club @ Spike Hill 2
2:00 North Champion @ South Champion 2

Last Week's Results

Championship Sunday - Sep 23
Parkview Scorpions0 @ Clems 0
Roebling Sports Club0 @ Spike Hill 0
North Champion0 @ South Champion 0

Week 13- PREVIEW

Thu, Jul 17, 2014

INTRO YO FACE!

 

11am

Field #1: Turkey’s Teachers vs. Black Betty (Stache)

In any other season, you would be dumbfounded to hear that Black Betty and Turkey’s Teachers were both in the midst of a concurrent 1-4 streak heading into week 13.  Traditionally, the 6-time champs don’t slump for more than a couple weeks at a time, but I suppose the Teachers rough stretches do tend to linger.  Regardless, both teams are looking to find a much-needed victory on this Sunday morning.

We all remember Turkey’s manager, Haz, vowing to put a more competitive group on the field in the second half of the season.  Even with a run of top tier opponents, the educators have managed to fill out a lineup and compete every weekend.  In the other dugout, Black Betty is flat out having a hard time finding the championship form that we’re all accustomed to. Maybe a 2-win Teachers team is the opportunity they need to get the blood flowing again?  Then again, maybe Haz will have his squad ready for the upset?  Anything can happen this year, even the Gibson got a win…right?  *sigh*

Field #2: Loggers vs. Good Company (Shortz)

For all of you musical buffs out there in WSL land, here’s a little ditty I’ve been waiting for this match-up to debut. The 10-ifer version of The Ballad of Sweeney Todd.

Attend the tale of 10-ifer

Against former team the Loggers

She switched over this year to Good Co.

So she could be closer to her beau

Loggers were bereft with the transfer

Of 10-ifer

The Demon Baller of Bedford Ave

 

The Loggers regrouped without their star

With a couple of rooks who like to go “yard”

And veteran lefties Tony and Al

A Loggers win they might corral

Versus Good Co.

And 10-ifer

The Demon Baller of Bedford Ave

 

Swing your bat fast, Jen 10!

Hit it to the skies!

And your fielding could be the Loggers demise!

 

Coach Wally’s ladies are now the best

Plus Cap’n Calfs and Shirtless,

They’ve been banging out some victories,

With a few being near-mercies.

They’ll put a scare in to the Loggers

With 10-ifer,

The Demon Baller of Bedford Ave.

 

1pm

Field #1: R Bar vs. Turkey’s Nest (SUPERFAN)

But it really brings out my cheekbones

After their battle with Spike Hill, Turkey’s Nest can barely take a breath as they look to defend their now tenuous #1 seed against the bums of R-Bar, who are actually more like the Dodgers of R-Bar now, if the Dodgers didn’t shower, occasionally pissed themselves and were perpetually looking for some “spare change”.

R Bar has continued to stock up players as recently as last week and looks to flip seeds with the Nest with this win.  Nest will have Mitchell “Sparkles” Jones back in the lineup, who sources tell me plans to bedazzle Richie and the boys with his southern charm and Guinness Book of World Records certified “dreamiest eyelashes”.  If men start wearing mascara, we’ll look back at Mitch and say he’s the one that started it – then we will jail him and his immediate family, because no one wants that to be a thing.

Meanwhile, R Bar has D-Lo bringing her “Nailz of Doom” to the field, a perverse combination of gold and silver glitter polish topped with small Powerpuff Girls stickers and she’s ready to do battle in a pre-game, 1980s style glam dance off with the venerable Mr. Jones.  Expect quite a few “Oh no you didn’t’s” early from D-Lo, who comes from the hard scrabble streets of some Ohio Suburb and talks that way, but I don’t think Jordan and the boys will get as many bad breaks as they did against Spike Hill this week.  Appointment softball – be there.

Field #2: Crown Vic 86ers vs. Brooklyn Bowl (Stryker)

But which bar will be brave enough to start the Shot Roulette trend

The battle for command over Wythe Avenue goes down this Sunday as The 86’ers face Brooklyn Bowl. Only a few blocks apart, these two establishments both offer live music, games, and food.  These two teams have been battling for beer swigging and ball tossing music lovers before this game was even scheduled. I think we should forget this game entirely and just look at both restaurants’ books. Whoever made less money last year closes their doors for good.  Lets face it, there’s too many places in this neighborhood already that offer cheep beer and parlor games, which we all know draws in hipsters like flies to honey, or Stryker to Budweiser.

Alas, I’m sure that won’t happen and the hipsters will have plenty of options for game drinking, and this softball match will be played without much consequence for the loser.  Both of these teams are coming off real mediocre wins with the Bowlers only scoring 7 runs and the 86ers only beating Gibson by 1.  I didn’t see Godsy’s name on the recap at all, hopefully that means he wasn’t at the game and not that he’s just realllllllly old and over the hill. Is there an old timers league we can look into for him next season?  Maybe it was just more wedding planning, or he was tired from wedding planning Saturday and could only muster up the energy to watch The Wedding Planner 8 times in a row on Sunday.

Not sure what to expect in this game, the Bowlers have a better record, but I know what Crown Vic can do and it’s more than just chase OJ and drive to the doughnut shop.  I feel like maybe they should hold a Tournament of Chumpions at their bars during this time slot instead, with competitions in bowling, bocce, ping pong, and corn hole. I’ll be on JL’s team.

3pm

Field #1: Spike Hill vs. Gibson (Shortz)

Their history: played each other 1st round of the playoffs thrice and Spike Hill conquered thrice.

In order to not have the same fate or a complete upset (which I have money on), I’ve decided to up the stakes! Each player will be paired with a “celebrity” partner this Sunday, in what I’m calling “Ballin’ with the Stars”.

Here’s how this arrangement would play out:

First to the plate is America’s Sweetheart Powell and his celebrity partner, Lisa Vanderpump. He gaps it for a would-be homer, but since his partner wore 4 inch stilettos to a softball field, they only make it to 1st.

Next up- Spike Hill Patriarch, O’Malley (paired with NeNe Leakes), aims the ball right over the head of Leigh, who snags it easily since she’s playing on the shoulders of her partner Sean Avery, who flips the fuck out over O’Malley’s sexist hitting. O’Malley retorts their catch is against the rules, while NeNe smacks him upside the head for being a bitch.

Then Doug (and Snooki) and Leo (and Kate Gosselin) end the inning with their respective fly outs to Todd (and Victor Cruz) in Left Field.

The Gibson then put up 8 runs with two grand slams from A-DOS (and Emmit Smith) and Dave “Boston” (and Chad Ochocinco). The Hillians must rely on Mo (and Corey Feldman) to bail them out with a double play by a snagging a laser up the middle.

In lieu of umpires, each inning is judged by Carrie Ann Inaba, Bruno Tonioli and Len Goodman, who award the Gibson an extra score of 25 out of 30 for style and technical difficulty.

Kelly freaks, “This game is bullshit- they have world-class athlete partners and we have a bunch of losers! Your girls are Hope Solo and Kristi Yamaguchi, and ours are Joey Fatone and Urkel! And Ochocinco– he’s supposed to be in jail for fuck’s sake!”

Carrie Ann Inaba, Bruno Tonioli, and Len Goodman shake their heads in unison and give Spike Hill -10 points, eliminating them from the league entirely.

Stryker, if this scenario actually plays out, feel free to use verbatim for your recap.

Field #2: Reel2Reel vs. Clemerica (Stryker)

Hey, Look! An expired coupon!

Here we have another match-up of writers, as  New Addition takes on New New Addition.  Shortz, maybe we should just play one on one with ghost runners and really make this count for something.  Loser quits the website. Wait…maybe winner should get to quit.

The Battleship is coming off a big win vs. Rbar, holding them to only 2 home runs, as our D was very strong.  I always say- you gotta go into something D first, that’s the only way your gonna get what you want.  Case in point, Reel2Reel is coming off a tough loss to BK Bowl.  The reason? The Bowlers always hard D.  I’m looking forward to this one, though. Reel2Reel is my favorite movie rental place in the neighborhood.  Their “young adult” section just cannot be beat!!  I also like that they still have VHS and Laser Discs available for rental. So retro!

Both of these teams have had their ups and downs this season, but I know both are true competitors and will put on a good show.  I would also like to give everyone a bit of good/bad news.  I may or may not have sever joint damage in my right leg from doing the pause pitch. I have been spending 3 hours every night in a hyperbolic chamber to try and correct the damage with little success.  But, fear not.  I have been working tirelessly to come up with equally “effective” pitches.  I may also just replace my right leg with a titanium rod that I will be able to perch on for hours.

5pm

Field #1: 3 Kings vs. Soft Spot (Stache)

I’m gonna hug you, squeeze you, and name you Stache

This late game features a couple squads currently toiling in the middle of the pack. Soft Spot has surged recently with back to back wins, while Three Kings are struggling through an extended rough stretch of poor attendance and subsequent losses.  As is so often goes in the WSL, that history goes out the window when you lace ‘em up on Sunday!

The Yetis and 3Ks squared off to start the 2013 season, which resulted in a narrow victory for the Snowmen.  Later in the season, the Kings avenged that early loss with a narrow victory of their own. Flash forward to 2014 and Soft Spot is desperately trying to claw their way up to a .500 record, while 3 Kings are fighting to keep their heads above water. With a lot at stake for both teams, it should make for a week 13 finale worth watching!

Field #2: AT United vs. Pete’s Candy Store (SUPERFAN)

Ersin comes from a long line of broken chairs

Last year, I remember whispers from the far reaches of McCarren….well, really mumbles and mostly from Ersin after he emptied the drunk tank and fell off his chair…”AT issss furr reals.”  The Turkish Tornado occasionally pluralizes words like that for emphasis.  With AT sitting pretty at 7 and 5, one would expect to not hear these drunken mumbles as often, but there is something that is easy to overlook – AT has played most of the top teams in the league (except Good Company) already, and has split teams at .500 or higher 3 – 3, narrowly losing to Turkey’s Nest, Spike Hill and R Bar.

Meanwhile, Pete’s has retooled and had a HUGE postponement last week against the Soft Spot that really turned their season around.  With a standout win against Good Company early in the season, Pete’s announced to the world, through their manager and spokesperson Sam, “We’re back I guess…when we get people to show up. Matthew’s moving – wait…maybe he already moved.”  That’s right, the hidden nugget is that not only is Pete’s back, but everyone’s favorite Brit, Matthew is moving somewhere apparently, which is a shame.

Will Pete’s win one for him and get back to .500 or can Gerald, Ersin and Jimmy “Twos” continue their 4 game winning streak and resurrect the mumbly hubbub that AT are “Contenners, we culd win dis wholf thing *belch*”  You will only find out if you show up and wish Matthew well, one of the founding fathers of the league. (The preceding is redacted in the event that he’s already gone and you can safely watch the WNBA preseason instead).

This week’s preview brought to by:

 Toodles,

The New New Additions

 

 

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