Standings

Joe Godsy Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Spike Hill 13 6 .684 243 194
Roebling Sports Club 11 8 .579 220 177
Turkey's Nest 9 9 .500 178 199
AT All-Stars 4 14 .222 138 203
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Gibson 15 4 .789 238 169
St. Anselm 13 6 .684 214 151
R Bar 7 11 .389 175 244
A Bar Runaways 4 14 .222 120 178
 
Joe Fashion Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Clems 13 6 .684 223 171
The Bedford Yetis 10 8 .556 205 207
Loggers 7 11 .389 158 166
The Gutter 86ers 8 11 .421 201 216
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Kilo Bravo 13 5 .722 233 165
Parkview Scorpions 11 8 .579 215 174
Turkey's Teachers 0 18 .000 132 312
- 1 1 .500 10 17

Schedule

Championship Sunday - Sep 23
11:00 Parkview Scorpions @ Clems 1
Roebling Sports Club @ Spike Hill 2
2:00 North Champion @ South Champion 2

Last Week's Results

Championship Sunday - Sep 23
Parkview Scorpions0 @ Clems 0
Roebling Sports Club0 @ Spike Hill 0
North Champion0 @ South Champion 0

WEEK 4 – PREVIEW

Thu, May 1, 2014

Now that the monsoon has passed, we can look forward to some kick ass weather (and I can finally break out my shorts to match my moniker).  On the menu this week? Outer division play and a butt load of collaborative write ups.

11am

Field #1: Spike Hill vs. AT United (Decker)

AT United doesn’t get to celebrate last week’s epic comeback for long because they meet Spike Hill this Sunday. Both teams are 2-1 and are hoping to gain momentum as we head into the heart of the season.

“Unfortunately”, Spike Hill seems to be riddled with injuries and unnecessary surgeries and will be without many of their spikes. This includes a still recovering Silverman since he insisted on having a complete robotic leg replacement after seeing Captain America 2.  The feared arm of Mike Powell will also be absent, using it instead to pick up trash on the side of the highway (he’s lucky he was only sentenced community service), but at least they get the valiant return of O’Malley, who left his team last week to fly to Korea for a controversial procedure that involved shortening his right arm so he can hit to right field even more. I reached out to him for a comment, but as you can imagine they’ve been busy recruiting from Craigslist to fill in all the gaps.

AT, on the other hand, doesn’t need to recruit because they are all hands on deck this Sunday. Gerald, Justin and Danger Dan are ready to show that last season’s success was no fluke.  But to be the best, you have to beat the best, and even the Drunk Tank remembers that Spike Hill is the WSL’s reigning champion.

It’s on.

Field #2: Reel 2 Reel vs. 3 Kings (Shortz & ‘Stache)

Ladies and gentlemen- a joint preview.

Shortz: Why Hello, Sirrah Stache. The schedule tells me we go into battle this Sunday. I took the liberty of spying in on your practice. You guys look pretty “tough”. Nice Ponies.

Stache: Silly Shortz!  Jousts are for Knights, not for Kings. We still might go medieval on Sunday though!  That could mean we’re going to eat enormous turkey legs or maybe we’ll  build a moat around our bench…which wont require much effort, considering the current weather.  Who knows?

Shortz: The only rain that will occur will be on your parade when we kick some royal BOOTY. We’re very familiar with your South Paw’s pitching style after all…

Stache: You may know our southpaw hurler, but our 4 southpaw mashers should be your real concern….and the righties too. There are a lot of them…just so you know. Which king am I?

Shortz: King Joffrey? FTW!

Stache: How would you get that from the above picture?

Shortz: I suppose you’re right. Joffrey is no longer on anyone’s team. Any predictions?

Stache: I predict it will look something like this when we’re finished.

Shortz: And this is mine!

1pm

Field #1: Crown Vic 86ers vs. Loggers (Decker)

The first intradivisional portion of the WSL schedule is behind us and no team is happier than the Crown Vic 86ers, who look to start fresh after dropping their first 3 games to an array of talented teams.  Mayor Al Buttah, Sgt. Andre and Mallory.V.P. plan to bring the pain to the Loggers this Sunday.  Despite their paltry record, the 86ers have a plan in place, but Al wouldn’t clue me in because…well, I play for the other team.

The Loggers have had an uneven season so far, scoring 16 runs, then just 3, and then 18, over their first 3 games.  Coming off last week’s heartbreaking 11-inning loss, the Loggers hope to rebound with more efficient hitting from Mort and Al “Sam’s Dad” Chiaino and more stellar defense from Brains, Saris and the Pisanellis.  What measures will Brenner take to ensure a victory against an old rival?  I have no clue; I just write the previews.

Field #2: R Bar vs. Turkey’s Teachers (Stryker)

R-Bar is coming off a nice win despite missing some key players including Bobby “dont sleep on me” Knapp, who I’m sure will be hungry for some home runs this week.  The Teachers got schooled by 3 Kings last Sunday, but played well (just dont look at the score).  I heard that Principal Haz was doing a lot of after school tutoring this week with his players and they’re sure to come out looking to score an A+ in this one.  The Bums will be looking to pepper the Teacher’s outfield with spitballs and put tacks on the Educators bench.  When you do the math on this one folks, Teachers + Bums = the square root of a really good game.  I think we’ll see some great D and even better hitting as we see who’s got the right answers to the WSL equation.

3pm

Field #1: Black Betty vs. Turkey’s Nest (Shortz)

It’s the battle of the 3-0s!!!!!!!!!!!!

These two dojos have been sweeping some serious legs thus far. The Nester’s have 67 runs in 3 weeks but no one is close to Bettys’ runs against. Talk about excitement! You know what, I actually will talk about excitement. To make this game even more exciting, I’m setting individual battles:

Battle of the dopest shades: Disco vs. JB$.

Battle of the “nice guys”: Kevin vs. Bryan.

Battle of the softball teammate wives: Christie “The Big Hurt”  vs. Jody.

And some Fireball Juggling: Shafer vs. Holland (just cuz).

Will the Nesters gobble the Bettys’ or will they suffer one serious black out. A consolation to whoever loses this one; you’re better off not peaking too early. Just ask ATU.

Field #2: Good Company vs. Brooklyn Bowl (Shortz)

It’s rumored that “Calfs” is retiring after this game to
pursue his modelling career

Unlike most of these games being betwixt strangers this week (thanks to our fun, new league divisions), these two clubs closed out inter-league play just last season. Brooklyn Bowl, the current leader of the squeaker wins will have their hands full with Good Co., who are still raw from their loss to Pete’s Candy Store. Too much sweating and peyote apparently does not help win games. That said, we can count on the teams formerly known as Enids and Doza to bring their A-games this Sunday. We can also count on Joel’s attendance adding some “will he” or “won’t he” drama to the second season of his sitcom “Adiós Pinks; Hola Bowlers”.

5pm

Field #1: Soft Spot vs. Gibson (‘Stache)

Both of these squads are looking to get back on track from their early season losing streaks.  Soft Spot is on a 2 game skid after opening up the year with a victory against Pete’s, while the Gibbys are staring down a much longer & much rougher patch.  To top it off, each team is already staring up at a 3-0 division leader and neither wants to slip any further down the standings this early in the 2014 campaign.

I searched high and low for a scoop on this match-up, but to no avail.  Apparently, “loose lips sink ships” or something?  There was no bravado, no self-deprecation, no jokes and DEFINITELY no fun banter.  Serious business is going down this Sunday!  Nobody would come right out and say it, but the tension will be high at 5pm.  Not surprisingly, the rest of the league will probably just be high by game-time, as well.

Will this be the week?  Can the Gibbys notch their first win since the Millard Fillmore administration?  Do the Yeti’s have what it takes to hold down their Bedford Ave neighbors for one more week?  One thing we can be sure of, both bars will be serving plenty of celebratory or consolatory drinks around 7pm!

Field #2: Pete’s Candy Store vs. Clemerica (Stryker)

No idea what’s gonna happen in this one folks. Both teams will be missing some “key players”.  So your preview is presented in the form of a REAL text convo between Sam and Breeze;

Sam: Yo.  I have tickets to tonight’s Yankees v. Cubs game and can’t make it.  Any interest?  Bleacher seats. 7:05 start.
Breeze: I wish! Wicked busy this week! Thanks though.
Sam: Cool.  I’ll keep you in mind though, okay?
Breeze: Sure!
Sam: Okie-dokie.
Breeze: I got a new phone. No contacts. No clue who this is.
Sam: Hysterical…No guesses?
Breeze: Derek Jeter?
Sam: It’s your buddy, Sam!
Breeze: Hey bud! Jeter woulda been cooler.
Sam: No way!, All he would give you is a gift basket after you were kicked out of his apartment. I provide “moments”.
Breeze: Hahaha!
Sam: See what I mean?
Breeze: Yo. Need garden space?
Sam: Perhaps. How much space?
Breeze: However much you want.
Sam: Is this a setup because we’re playing each other this Sunday?
Breeze: Play?  I don’t play anything!
Sam: Yeah, I know what you’re getting at, tough guy, but that’s . . . How you do a game – you play them.
Breeze: GAME!!!
Sam: You’re right!!!! This isn’t a game!
Breeze: Wagers!?!?!
Sam: Hmmm, okay – I’ll put $1,000 on Clem’s. Half my team won’t be able to make the game.
Breeze: We’re missing 5 starters: Markow, Stryker, Leia, Cujo, and Cleary. How bout that shit! I’m playing SS!
Sam: Cool.  I’ll play 3rd then to make it really interesting . . . or embarrassing. I can’t believe Stryker would miss a game against me.
Breeze: That’s the team spirit!
Sam: Honestly, you’re whining about not having some very marginal players. Markow is great and Stryker is super important for you guys. Buuuuut.
Breeze: Someone put draino in a sink that’s got a busted trap. Ain’t clogged, just won’t open its trap! And I’m allergic to cats and need to wash my hands! It’s bad…I think it’s working…it’s not!
Sam: Maybe send Lassie over to pull you out of the well?

There was more of this “conversation”, but it was almost impossible to decipher.  It goes on with Breeze leading Sam to believe he has a serious chemical burn on his hand from the draino, using several staged photos involving ketchup and baking soda.  I would also like to point out that I am the one who put the drano in the sink, but in my defense it was 6am, the sink was full of soiled water, and I was angry as hell about the previous two. The drano was a decision based on pure rage, not careful thinking.

Don’t play with chemicals, kids

Good luck out there Clems!!  Can’t believe I’m missing this game Sam, we will meet again.

See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya.

Toodles,

The New New Additions

 

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