Standings

Joe Godsy Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
R Bar 15 5 .750 256 183
Gibson 12 7 .632 222 171
The Bedford Yetis 11 9 .550 224 181
Turkey's Teachers 5 14 .263 195 283
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
The Craic 13 7 .650 234 181
St. Anselm 14 6 .700 227 171
The Gutter 86ers 10 9 .526 216 211
AT All-Stars 2 17 .105 143 256
 
Joe Fashion Division
NORTH W L PCT RF RA
Loggers 10 9 .526 214 194
Turkey's Nest 12 8 .600 213 203
Clems 7 12 .368 175 246
Carmine's Bombers 3 17 .150 131 324
 
SOUTH W L PCT RF RA
Parkview Scorpions 13 6 .684 258 155
Roebling Sports Club 13 6 .684 228 166
Kilo Bravo 9 11 .450 236 221
Pete's Candy Store 7 13 .350 196 222

Schedule

Championship Sunday - Sep 22
11:00 Kilo Bravo @ Turkey's Nest 1
St. Anselm @ R Bar 2

Last Week's Results

Championship Sunday - Sep 22
Kilo Bravo0 @ Turkey's Nest 0
St. Anselm0 @ R Bar 0

Week 4- Preview

Fri, Apr 26, 2013

Well hello there!
What does Week 4 hold in store for us all? Will the Gibson ruin O’Malley’s life by conquering Spike Hill? Can the Yetis maul Black Betty and compound their miserable start? Will the Drunk Tank ever be empty? Will you all be attending Clem’s 10 year anniversary party from 1pm til question mark? So many life altering questions, but thanks to the softball gods we only have a few short days to answer all. But seriously…come to the Clem’s 10 year anniversary party.
On to game time!

11:00AM

Field #1: 3 Kings vs. Turkey’s Teachers (GBlack)

A win, a win my 3 King-doms for a win! 3K will be searching for that first elusive win in the early slot vs. Teachers. The Kings have plenty of fire power in the line-up, but seem to continually come up short when they have ducks on the pond. To get ready for this match-up, rumor has it that Manager Stash Mcnelis has been directing late night practices while flogging his former algebra teacher. Nasty business when you are 0-2. The TN Teachers look to rebound from last week’s defeat and looking to tighten up defensively to keep the score manageable. Haz slipped me a note during class telling me he had a special hat for The Stash.

Field #2: Gibson vs. Spike Hill  (Shortz)

The last time these two clubs met was in the first round of the playoffs, resulting in a 2nd place finish by the Gibson while Spike Hill went on to… also come in 2nd place a mere fortnight later. In preparation for this week’s meet up and impending festivities at Clems, O’Malley took a page out of the “Delta Gamma Sorority”  playbook, and sent a raven to each Spike Hillian member’s household, recounting their previous match and discussing the team’s future.

Team.
 
Listen up jackasses, as this letter is going to be a rough fucking ride. We won by only 14 runs Sunday. You know what I call that? SQUEAKING OUT A WIN! This dismal performance is an indicator that we have been FUCKING UP in terms of general social interactions with the league. YOU ARE ALL WEAK. Do you want to win big or have a bunch of close friends for life???? Get your fucking priorities straight or SCHEIßE FRESSEN UND SCHLUCKEN ROTZ!!!!!
 
If you’re reading this now and saying, OMG, O’Malley, but we’ve been having so much fun with the other teams this week, then punch yourself in the face right now, and then take that barbecue eating smile and stick it up your balls, so that I don’t have to fucking find you on field 2, and do it myself.
 
You have 365 days to talk with your little softball friends and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat not fucking one of them! I don’t care if you SOR me – I will fucking assault you! I forbid you from further social interactions in the league.  Sure, all the best and the coolest will be at Clems Sunday night, but guess what – YOU AREN’T AMONG THEM.  I’m not fucking kidding – DON’T GO! I swear if I see anyone being a goddamned boner at Clems, I will FedEx priority overnight a bag of dicks to your house and come over and pummel you with them.  Even if you’re sober.  YOU HAVE NOT EARNED IT.
 
How we even had to endure 9 innings and not mercy by the 7th is incomprehensible, but I am confident you will get shit straight this week.  If you want to have fun, go play Saturday league 16-inch douche ball with the single jackasses and meet your un-athletic fumbling soul mate who will be impressed with your 2 for 5 with two singles. Way to go, superstar – you are hitting .400 with a .900 OPS.  Nice job for an emergency 12 hitter, but not good enough for SPIKE HILL!
 
For anyone that is offended by this letter, I apologize, but I don’t give a frequent flying fuck, not even at the Silver Medallion level. You all need to get your shit together (except Powell).  Go fuck yourself.
 
Your humble servant,

Michael Jerome O’Malley, Regular Season WSL Champion 2010, 2011, 2012.

Let’s hope bounties don’t get set.

The highlight of watching any given Gibson game is watching Grambo play his goddamn heart out, but alas, he will be away from the action this Sunday. This game could end one of two ways; a major blowout…or a major upset. No matter the outcome, one thing’s for certain; the Gibson clan will have an early jump to capture the front corner of their sponsor bar for hours of boozing shenanigans.

 1:00PM

Field #1 R Bar vs. Good Co (Shortz)

Being a lefty myself and always having a dream of building a squad comprised entirely of lefties, RBar having 300 southpaws on their team is a “Shortzy’s” dream. Speaking of lefties…I’d like to welcome RBar newbie Natalie Chaquinga to the WSL and warn Good Company- this chick can hit.

Hopefully Wally didn’t quit his infield job last week and will be on his toes at 3B for when the Lefty Bums skillfully whack the ball opposite field to outsmart that whole lefty shift.

This game will also mark Cesar’s first reunion (from the opposite dugout, that is) with his fall ball team Rumplestiltskins. Speaking of Rumplestiltskins and Good Company in the same paragraph, where the woof is Melissa Gambol! Get on your private jet like, yesterday, and get over here right MEOW! I’m tired of this masquerade.

Oh and a congratulations is in order to Slappy’s wife, Melinda who gave birth Wednesday night to a beautiful baby girl, Layla Rose.

Field #1: Black Betty vs. Yetis (GBlack)

There is plenty of history between these two veteran teams. Back when the Yetis were the Union Poolers and the Betty were in their championship infancy, they met in the playoffs year in and year out, with the Betty getting the best of UP. Although this season has seen the Yetis off to a great 2-0 start, whilst The Champs have been held to an average of 10 Runs a game. Baby Boy Muentes leads a very formidable defense in what should be another classic between these squads. BTW Holland could not get a flight out of San Francisco soon enough so the Commish decided to road trip it back to NYC and stop the bleeding ASAP!

3:00PM

Field #1: Clemerica vs. Turkey’s Nest (GBlack)

Clemerica, who had a huge Week 1 walk-off win, but came back down to earth in a loss against Spike Hill last Sunday, will try to get back on the winning side of things vs the Turkey’s Nest at 3 pm. During the week, Breezy was seen catching deer with his bare hands in the woods of Upstate NY, just to make sure that he does not run out of meat at Clems 10 year anniversary party. Maybe his injury and impending surgery is a genius managerial motivational strategy. Mirroring Black Betty in terms of run production, the Nesters are off to a shaky start in ’13. When the Clemerica manager was reached for a comment on the game he replied, “Them boys of summer seem to have been tenderized and I have a special spot on my grill for them this week“. This game should be a tasty snack to hold us over before marching over to Clems.

Field #2: Loggers vs. Pete’s (Shortz)

The Loggers desperately need a “W” this Sunday, or they could be on track for a bigger fail streak than last season’s New York Jets. Perhaps the root of the issue could stem from the lack of timber in Mark Brenner’s pep talks (You were warned, Loggers).

Shall we see a double homer 2-peat this Sunday from Al Chiaino and expert pitching from veteran Logger, Tony Basile? Or will the fucking coach of Pete’s Candy Store keep the winning streak going as he has not one, but TWO million dollar babies in Scott Kirby and Jake Levine, plus back up from husband & wife duo, QJJ and Desiree and guy named Mike that looks like Mark Wahlberg? This game could be a real barnburner…unless it’s not.

5:00PM

Field #1: AT Allstars vs. Brooklyn Bowl (GBlack)

It has been over two seasons since the last time these two teams met. The Bowlers have been somewhat successful in their new division thus far, as they are now 1-1. Former commissioner and WSL mega star Joe Godsy was seen scouting the Allstars last week. When asked if he like what he saw, he replied “Go fuck yourself.” Oh Tommy Lee Jones, you old so and so.

Now that the NFL draft is over, Daniel can completely focus on snagging line drives at 3rd and polishing off the rally tequila. AT founder Vinny will be feeding the masses again this week after the game, as he is promising baked ziti in the shape of a bowling pin for all to enjoy!

Field #2: Duck Duck vs. 2nd Chance (Shortz)

These two .500 teams will commence their softball skirmish in the 5pm slot. Reel to Reel now know as Duck Duck as I’ve just been informed by the website (please everyone pour out a bit of your Big Buds on Sunday to commiserate the departed Reel to Reel name),  is ecstatic to welcome back new mama, Marisa Bregilo, who I don’t doubt will have a higher OBP than the rest of the Reelers combined. Saloon’s 3rd baseman, Miles (aka Mini Vinny), will attempt to knock down those pull field hits, while sporting a striking resemblance to Manager Mayor Buttah. I wonder how many times Kathryn has accidentally goosed him! In the field, the Reelers will be on their toes for this match, especially with head-first-sliding-guru Jeff Gutowski, who relishes in taking extra bases to make himself extra filthy.  I noticed on the 86ers team page that their motto is “Things Happen”. After Sunday’s battle royale, it might have to be changed to “Bad Things Happen” (BOOM!).

Since I’m sidelined with an injury, I’ll be taking dutiful notes on the game and respective dugouts. How about a bet Mayor Buttah? If my team wins, my cats are in the wedding!

“BLUES CLUES”

And here is our first video from our new  WSL umpire section titled “Blue’s Clues“; A place for umpires to heckle the haters of their umpiring craft, headed up by premiere WSL umpire, Sam. Oh and yes, I am aware that I pointed the damn camera wrong when filming. So sorry I didn’t attend film school with you and your classmates, Martin Scorsese and Steven Spielberg. This is simply what happens when Andrew leaves the editing room unattended.

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