For the WSL Championship Preview, we are very fortunate to have Christian Ver Halen of Mendoza Line and JB$ of Black Betty contribute to the site and put to together their very own preview. Take it away fellas!!
CVH: Yo Monet, so Carly asked (demanded) me to ask you to do some sort of point/counterpoint preview for the WSL playoffs. Your answer is “yes.” Go!
JB: Well, I was trying to get out of that line of work…I feel like Mel Gibson explaining myself to Michelle Pfeiffer. Yeah I just called you Michelle Pfeiffer. Good luck and God bless America.
CVH: Do you have any idea how much cooler it is to be Michelle Pfeiffer than Mel Gibson?? Think about it. If you’re Mel then you have to walk around knowing everyone thinks you’re an ass bag. But if you’re Michelle Pfeiffer you can just get naked and stand in front of a mirror all day.
JB: Michelle Pfeiffer back in the 80’s or Michelle Pfeiffer today?
CVH: C’mon man. 80’s. Although she’s still a GILF today.
CVH: Which team do you think she would like in the North? Turkey’s Nest or Spike Hill?
JB: I don’t think she’d waste her time on either of them. I’m pretty sure she prefers men.
CVH: Wow. Ok. What happens if at some point during the 1st games Godsy and John Louis hit bombs at the exact same time and they collide midair? Will it create some sort of space-time vortex? And if so, could we work it out so that we arrive in the late 80’s so we can have Ms. Pfeiffer decide which team she would want to win?
JB: That’s not physically possible! Godsy can’t hit my pitching.
CVH: I don’t know about that. He told us he’s dropping mad bombs on 9/11. And Derek promised to take down the Twin Towers of Black Betty and Spike Hill. But knowing Derek he was probably referencing Lord Of The Rings.
CVH: Whatever, back to the North. I’m definitely rooting for the ol’ school. But after witnessing Turkey’s collapse against Betty a couple years ago I’m just not sure. They do have a pretty incredible lineup. I don’t really know the players on Spike Hill because I don’t hang out at that bar. Turns out they don’t either. I guess it’s a long way from Connecticut or wherever they’re coming from to play at McCarren. But I did go to one of those “what if they did it” websites and created a lovechild between Spike (Lee) and Hillary (Clinton):
JB: You can’t beat that.
CVH: That’s what I’m sayin’. Spike Hill in the North.
JB: Damn right. I’d tap that, by the way.
CVH: Yikes! What about the South? Everyone knows that the Evil Empire has won 5 straight. But Mendoza Line has always had great games against Betty.
JB: Not in the playoffs.
CVH: Whatever, jerk. In the last 7 years we’ve won 1 Championship, been to the Finals 2 more times, and been to the Conference Finals 3 more times. Not bad for a bunch of nice, patient people.
JB: Depends on your definition of “not bad.”
CVH: You’re right. That attitude gets us nowhere. Betty in the South. What about the Finals?
JB: You can call me the new “Craigslist Killer,” because I’m going to no-hit Spike Hill.
CVH: OK, there you have it folks. Black Betty is our pick to win their 6th straight WSL championship! Thanks for another great season.
DISCLAIMER: Some characters appearing in this article are fictitious. Any resemblance to a real person named “JB”, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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